My 2 and a 1/4 year old is a nightmare around my wife!!! Help?

Question

My son is a total angel when its just me and him.
When its just him and my wife he is awful.
When it is all three of us, he is a nightmare.

I dont understand at all. Its tantrum after tantrum afer tantrum. Hes a totally different person around me though. Just to let everyone know I dont spank my son except for safety issues (eg running out in the street)

Why is this happening?
What can i do do curb it?

just to clarify.... my wife is my sons biological mother

Answer 1

Welcome to Parenthood. All kids do this. My 18 month old is the exact same way with me, but she is a perfect angel for ANYbody else. This is very common. The best advice I can give you is to not give any attention to these tantrums. When my daughter tantrums, and I know it is not because she is hungry, thirsty, tired, etc. I simply just walk away. I think it is really important for you to be there for your wife. She must be stressed and very tired. Its not fun to come home to your children, when they have been good all day, and you get the crappy end of the deal.

best of luck!

Answer 2

It sounds as if your son does not have boundaries with your wife, she is not enforcing and she allows the behaviour.
Boundarties are very important to two year olds. They feel safer when they have boundaries and schedules. I am the mother of a 20 month old and I Nanny a two 17 month old boys and they are truly happier when they maintain the same schedule everyday. Even if one of them only comes 3 days a week, that is his schedule and he doesn't like it when it changes.
Your wife needs to be clear with your son what is okay and what isn't and when he screams and throws tantrums they must be ignored. Period. He doesn't do anything that doesn't get a reaction. Parents do not give their children enough credit for how smart they are!
Boundaries and schedules are not punishment. Just like bedtimes and mealtimes, they are what they are...period. You never use a mealtime or a bedtime as punishment

Answer 3

A lot of children know just how far they can push the envelope. Some parents are very consistent and have firm rules. The child understands what happens if they break the rules. Other parents are not so consistent and the child doesnt know what to really expect. They will often to try to push that parent as far as they can since the really dont know what the boundaries are. Chidren are often around their mother more so seem to tune out her yelling at themsince it really doesnt mean anything to them anymore. I found that if I didnt raise my voice, was consistent with what was allowed and that the punishment was expected and always administered (VERY seldom spanking unless to react to dangerous act). I had very little problems getting my kids to mind.

Answer 4

My nephew is the same way around his own mother: he's a terror to her, but a well-behaved little man with everyone else! What I think causes his behavior is the fact that she doesn't set limits or follow through with discipline. He knows that he can walk all over her and get away with it, whereas his father, grandparents, and every one else set and enforce consistent boundaries. Work together with your wife to create a united discipline front. Don't let your wife defer to you when it comes to enforcing the rules (if she tends to do so). And don't interfere when she does so, even if you're just trying to help, it will undermine her authority. If you see an opportunity to improve her approach, tell her later when you're son's not watching or listening. Good luck.

Answer 5

Same thing here. With me it boils down to the fact that my kids know if they push me too far, it will get exponentially bad for them (see: Spanking). Big suprise, I really never have to spank them! (happens about 2 times a year).

Until my wife just followed thru,, they treated her terribly. One day she snapped (I could almost hear it!) and spanked the 5 year old. Lemme tell ya,, well worth the effort! That was the LAST "I am not putting on my shoes" tantrum to be had!

Answer 6

Sounds like your son is jealous of your wife. Have you talked to him. I know he can't talk about everything, but try and 'get on his level' use his type of words and explain to him that you love him, and that you love your wife and you want everyone to get along. Also explain that just because you love her, doesn't mean you love him any less. Is there an ex-wife or mother of your son that could be saying mean things about your current wife? that may be another issue causing your sons behavior problems, if so... you will need to have a talk with her too. Ask her to not say bad things about your wife and/or you in his presence. Good luck.

Answer 7

That's the same with my family! My 1 year old son is wonderful with my husband. He takes his naps quietly, eats his food without a hassle, plays nicely with his toys. But then I walk in (his mom) and he starts throwing his toys, throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way, starts yelling and wanting me to carry him EVERYWHERE! I think (and hope!) that its just a stage. A "I like to act up around mommy" stage. Maybe I am more lenient with him than my husband, that's what we think, so he thinks he can get away with more when I'm around. Either way, good luck. I feel your pain!

Answer 8

Does your wife discipline him at all? He obviously knows your boundaries & limits but not you wifes. I can somewhat relate- I have a 2 year old that's not quite a nightmare but does challenge me waaayyyyy more than my husband. My advise would be to help your wife establish her limits & boundaries & support her when your little boy challenges them. We are in the process of adopting our little boy & our case worker stopped by today & we discussed this a little & she said to utilitize the 'time-out mat' when needed. She said it's very important to set limits! Hope this helps!

Answer 9

I think the previous answers are really good answers, but I would like to add something. Is your wife mean or abusive to him when you aren't around??? I am not saying she is, but it could be a reason why he is acting out.