my bf of 7 months claims he loves me and never wants to hurt me, but yet he keeps talking to a girl i seriously dont like. and for a good reason too. :/
he texts her everyother day and says she is only his friend, and i find that HARD to beleive... he tells me i shouldnt be worried and im dumb if i were to get mad at him having a friend.
should i just drop it, and stop being so jelouse? or should i drop him for being an asshole?
i tell him it bothers me and makes me feel uncomfortable but he still does it.
what would you do???
WHERE DO I DRAW THE LINE?!?!?!!!
2007-10-24 09:13:37 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you think your boyfriend's acting like an insensitive jerk, yes, he is! What your boyfriend is doing is totally disrespectful. I call it "leaking sexual energy." He may not be doing anything physical (I hope so), but on the astral plane, he's lusting with her. His saying it's just "friendly" behavior is like someone whose dog is humping your leg telling you the animal is just being friendly. You know it's much more---you can feel it in your gut.
As for his accusations that you are "dumb" if you were to get mad at him having a female friend, "jealous" and "insecure," those are buzz words men (and women) often use to control their partner, invalidate their feelings, and make them feel something is wrong with them. Don't fall for it, and don't let him minimize what he's doing to you. This is a problem that needs facing.
Now, let me take his side for a moment, because the fact is that unfortunately our society trains and even supports men to behave in this disrespectful manner toward women. It's the old eye-winking, back-slapping boys club that gives men points for "scoring," and looks the other way on cheating, flirting, etc. So it's possible that your boyfriend is a really nice guy, but misguided, member of the male race who just doesn't realize how his behavior is hurting you. Then again, it's possible that he's not a nice guy and couldn't care less about your feelings. That's a distinction only you can make.
Talk to him again one more time without blaming him, coming from a more neutral place. See if it helps him understand how hurtful his behavior is to you. Ask him (give him a reverse psychology), if it is alright with him to find yourself a male friend that you can talk or chat, text, email and you can add, go out with when he's not around busy talking to this so called girl friend of his. Let him know you love and respect yourself too much to stay in the relationship if the flirting continues.
ravishingV
2007-10-24 09:51:18 · answer #1 · answered by ravishingV 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she's a friend she's a friend and nothing more. What would he have to do to prove to you that she's just a friend? You guys are still your own unique people and don't have to have the same friends.
The funny thing is some girl asked a similar question except she had some guy friends and her boyfriend didn't like. It's hilarious too see how the same girls respond completely oppositely. For the girl they answered, if he can't respect who you are and who your friends are he's not worth it. Now when the gender roles switch, they say he doesn't respect you because if he did he wouldn't be friends with her anymore. Bias anyone? It works both ways hypocrites.
2007-10-24 16:20:15 · answer #2 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and i have this argument all the time.. she things that because i have a girl friend it means something is going on. I kept telling her it was nothing.. a few months later she (the girl) sent me some rather adult pictures via text and that is when i realized my wife was right and i had to end the friendship.. it always goes further- one person will make the move or another if you suspect than stay with that feeling!
2007-10-24 16:20:31 · answer #3 · answered by MR. KNOWS LITTLE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are geniunely only friends than you have to let it go. So I suggest you do some dirty work and figure out what their friendship is all about. Perhaps, you should suggest ya'll going out to have some fun together just to see how he will react and so you can see how they interact with each other. Also, I suggest watching the movie "My Best Friends Wedding". You gotta keep your competition close.
2007-10-24 16:25:53 · answer #4 · answered by Sexysass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you two may have trust issues. You've only been in the relationship for a short period of time. If he hasn't given you any reason to doubt him, don't. If he swear this relationship between him and this girl is platonic, drop it.
2007-10-24 16:22:21 · answer #5 · answered by Chartise 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he can justify why he's still talking to this girl AND provided that his response makes sense,then drop it .Guys don't usually dislike by association, ie,he wont dislike her because you dont.What if it were the other way,and you had a guy friend that you may confide in,or get a guy's opinion from,would you drop him because your bf wanted you to?
2007-10-24 16:20:06 · answer #6 · answered by Civic_Drifter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself if you trust him. if the answer is yes then you are fine, though it is natural to worry. if the answer is no then you have problems.
i am kinda in the same situation. i have a gf but my ex-gf is still my best friend and we talk everyday. there is no way i am going to give up my best friend just because my gf doesnt like her. she trust me and i trust her and i trust myself. nothing is going to happen between my best friend and me.
look at your situation. think why you don't like the girl (cause you didnt mention that) and think is it really that bad. if it makes him happy to talk to her and the 2 of you are still happy together then i don't see the problem.
if they start hanging out and he choices her over you then you would have a legit problem. then you sti him down tell him how you feel and essentially that he need to pick you or her!
best of luck!
2007-10-24 16:20:48 · answer #7 · answered by Curious D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
draw the line! tell him where you stand. in a relationship nether of you should have to feel uncomfortable with eachothers actions. you bolth need to make comprimises that help you bolth feel comfortable. if he realy does care about you and want to be with you he will give her up for you. like i said just let him know the line you are makeing. stay strong.
2007-10-24 16:19:34 · answer #8 · answered by matty123 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should dump him and find yourself a wimp of a boyfriend. You're obviously not happy having a boyfriend who's mature and secure.
Besides, you'd be doing him a favor by freeing him of your nagging jealousy.
2007-10-24 18:56:06 · answer #9 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOW YOU DRAW THE LINE..... YOUR BF SHOULD RESPECT YOU AND SHOULDN'T TALK TO THAT GIRL!!!1 WHAT A DONKEY!!!
2007-10-24 16:16:36 · answer #10 · answered by Cheaze 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋