My husbands grandparents said that they would pay for our wedding cake. Up to a certain amount. So I bought the cake up to that amount and was expecting a check or something after the wedding. They approached my husband during the wedding and asked how much the total came to. Instead of telling them the amount he said "dont bother." ERRRGGHHH. It was expensive for us and I am still hung up on it. I would like them to pay but dont know how to get my husband to ask them. If thats not an option, how do i deal with my husbands poor choice?
BTW: this was 2 months ago
2007-10-24 07:31:31 · 33 answers · asked by enriquelomasa 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Me and my husband have always talked about our finances as we have shared an account for 3 years. He was not supposed to deal with this matter...as I planned most of the wedding. I was not around when they talked with him. I have not resented my husband over this issue, I just wanted to hear what others thought and what to do about the situation. Calling me immature, whiny and resentful is not an answer. Also, the grandparents told me to give them the receipt after the wedding, they wanted nothing to do with the contacting or going to the bakery themselves.
2007-10-24 08:51:52 · update #1
Unfortunately, even though they told you to give them the receipt, it was him they asked. It was him who told them not to worry about it. They probably assumed, and reasonably so, that you both wanted them to forget about it. That he was speaking for both of you. When you get married, that is what a lot of people assume; that you are in agreement on issues.
Of course, that's not 100% accurate, but I wouldn't fault them in this case for assuming he was speaking for you both. I would fault him Which it sounds like you're doing! Ha!
I think that at this late date, it is not a good idea for either of you to go to them about it. I think, live & learn, and maybe strangle him til he gets it!
2007-10-24 11:13:15 · answer #1 · answered by valschmal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The grandparents offered to pay for the cake. YOU made the mistake of not choosing the cake and then asking them to send a cheque payable for the amount and payable to the bakery, or for them to call the bakery with their Visa number. You paid for the cake yourself so obviously you had the cash. If they asked your husband right at the wedding how much he wanted and he said "don't bother", then he has closed the deal. They do not "owe you" anything except love. This was not a contract. It was an offer. The offer was made and it was declined by your husband who obviously loves his grandparents more than he worships money. He sounds like a great guy who appreciates family. Don't cause family friction by treating this like a collection-agency thing. You blew the arrangement by not handling it in a proper fashion beforehand. Grandparents should be valued and honored sp stop trying to "deal with it" and them like a whiny bag. And - next time someone offers to cover one of your expenses, like maybe offer to buy the crib for your baby, etc., say on the spot that "wow! that's great. When we pick one out, how do you want to handle the payment? Have the store call you for your credit card, or do you want us to pay for it and give you the receipt?" Come on now. You're a married woman, start dealing with life as a mature adult and stop causing family friction. EDIT: You have waited too long and you are making a big issue out of nothing. They said to send the receipt. You didn't. It's two months later. You can a) send the receipt with a little note saying "Woops, I forgot to send this" and cause confusion on their part and emabarrass your husband, or B) you can just shut up and forget about it and be more specific next time. By saying you want to "deal" with your "husband's poor choice", you really do sound like a nag. Sorry but those are your words and you do sound petulant.
2007-10-24 07:46:29 · answer #2 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You have two choices . .
You can send a photocopy of the wedding cake bill to them and maybe they'll send you a check or at least partial payment since they agreed to do it several months ago.
OR
Chalk it up to one of life's experiences and move on. You and your new husband should have discussed this BEFORE your wedding day so he knew exactly what to do and what to say before they approached him about the payment. He told them "don't bother" and you'll probably have to accept that. And is it possible he just didn't want them to pay for it, maybe he felt paying for the wedding cake was the Bride and Groom's responsibility . . and not the grandparents' responsibility (even they offered to pay for it).
Note: I know of a couple who are still fighting over the Bride's Mother not paying for the wedding cake and the Bride's gown and that was almost ten years ago. Every fight begins with or ends with . . "And your Mother did not . . "
Is this what you want? Because that's what's going to happen, you're going to remind him of this incident every chance you get and that's no way to begin a marriage.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
2007-10-24 10:00:16 · answer #3 · answered by Avis B 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
His parents offered to pay and when the time came to pay up....your husband told them not to bother. Deal off... they don't owe anything to the two of you for the cake now... especially 2 months later.
Your husband made a judgment call about the payment. It wasn't so much a poor choice as maybe he saw you two were financially secure regarding the cake and he felt they would be better off keeping that money for themselves. If it concerns you, perhaps you can sit down with him and explain to him that it is not that he told them not to worry about the cake... but that you were not a part of the decision. Let him know you would like to be involved in financial decisions in the future so you both know where you stand overall.
Two months is a long time...don't let it go on forever if you intend to talk to him. Otherwise, you might just want to let it go completely :)
2007-10-24 07:47:48 · answer #4 · answered by Kim 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It is too late to ask the grandparents to pay, because they've been given the impression that there is no obligation on their part. True, your husband is the cause of that, but it isn't their fault so they shouldn't be bothered about it at this point.
Regarding your new hubby's way of putting you in this situation, well what a great start to a new life. You deal with your husband's actions by discussing with him what your expectations were (such as he should have discussed it with you before just telling them don't bother), then seeing what his response is. You both have to talk this through, though it won't change the fact that you are stuck with the bill for the cake.
2007-10-24 07:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 11⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, unless you want a problem with your new gran-in-laws, your hubby screwed it up. Don't be mad at him, he was probably high on being in love with you and the great experience of your wedding when he said it. I know it is hard to forgive him, but it's just money, and in the end, it isn't worth fighting over. I think that if they really intended on paying for it, whether your husband told them to not bother or not, they would have just given you something for the cake. Obviously they weren't that interested in paying for the cake. It's cake! How expensive could it be? Expensive enough to cause conflict with your new family or your new husband? It may be hard, buy you just have to forget about it and move forward.
At my sister's wedding, the in-laws paid for NOTHING. My dad approached the father in-law about chipping in for the liquor, as he felt it was customary for the inlaws to do so. The father refused, so when the wedding was over, my dad went over and dumped all the undrank liquor down the drain. He figured he paid for it and it was the only way to make the drunken inlaws squirm because they wanted to take the leftovers home!
Remember, Marie Antoinette lost her head over something she said about cake!
2007-10-24 07:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems like this was a poor move on your husband's part. I would think going after the money now would be tactless.
Your husband was probably confused/embarrassed/unaware/unwilling to deal with the question. Unfortunately, his answer pretty much sealed your fate. Just talk to him and say something along the lines of, "We needed that money to do ______. If an issue like this comes up again, can you just refer your grandparents (or whomever else) to me?"
I'm sorry, but I think you have to chalk this one up to a pride-filled husband. It's too late to get the money unless you go up to them yourself and tell them your husband was wrong....which would make YOU the bad guy. I would just let it go.
2007-10-24 09:46:05 · answer #7 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate that your husband acted without consulting you first, but it seems like he was not comfortable about them paying for the cake. Maybe he didnt realise how expensive it was.....or maybe he did and didnt feel right about them paying.
It is too late now to ask them for cash for the cake. You would look like a money grabber if you demanded money now. They have already been told they dont have to pay, by your husband and if you go now and ask them, you are not showing a united purpose with your husband.
You are just going to have to suck it up and pay for the cake. Tell hubby he can pay for it since it was his mistake.
I would just let it go tho, and not think on it anymore. Dont let it spoil your memories of a wonderful day.
2007-10-24 10:03:05 · answer #8 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do right now. They offered and were told to forget about it. Your husbands grandparents have done nothing wrong.
Your husband, however, has. He shouldn't have turned down the offer without talking to you. Did he not know how much the cake cost? You need to talk to him about why he told them to forget about the offer. After that, it's time to move on.
2007-10-24 10:14:06 · answer #9 · answered by Jill 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will have these people in your life for a long time, and it's really important for you to let this go. There is no gracious way to ask them to pay for this now. You'll embarrass them and yourself.
Yes, you should talk to your husband about what he did, but talk respectfully. You're learning each other. He probably didn't think it would upset you, but it did and you do need to make him aware so something like that doesn't happen again. You might even mention to him that it's quite possible he stole their thunder whe he waved off their "gift." And it was a gift. It actually wasn't nice of him to do that -- they wanted to contribute. I'll bet he hasn't thought of it that way.
Anyway, try to let it go. They'll appreciate your gracefulness about the situation.
2007-10-24 07:48:13 · answer #10 · answered by physiquesorlando 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋