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My father and mom divorced when I was 3 she was 7. He disappeared for years.OUr childhood was a whirlwing: our mather worked 3 jobs and he paid nothing... he went to jail for not paying shild support once. WHen I was in the 5th grade, he married an amazing women and then all of a sudden was apart of our lives. It was fine, we were at a point where we could adapt.. my sister was in the 9th grade though... THEN my dad got divorced and once again fell away form us. He would call once every few months and justify it. He really hurt us a children; he abused our mother and was emotionally abusive to us. He became finacially stable and opened his own business. He was making ALOT of money. He had a business in just three years of over 100 employees. He still does very well. When Jess(bride) graduated high school he offered to help pay for college... he gave her 300 a month.. which does help alot... and THEN.. her junior year of college she was on an internship Ill continue with edit below!

2007-10-24 06:36:22 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Weddings

And he HAD to take her.. he took her to DC dropped her off gave her no money and left... then he lied for months saying that he put money in her account and stuff and he never did... left her completely broke. IT was fine she took out a loan and made it work, and it wasn't the money its that he didnt call until 9 months later and she left many messages. WE have honestly only seen our dad on holidays since i was a freshman in highschool. So he met her fiance once and doesnt even know what her last name is going ot be. She sent invitations two months ago and he never replied, nor any of his family, then two weeks before the wedding she was like i have ot let him know... she didnt want him walking down the isle. They had a very heated conversation (via phone of course) and then ended badly. He is in denial of how bad a father he is. SHe asked my grandfather to walk her down the isle. SO he was rude and heartless and she was really upset.. so today i called him the weddins is saturday and

2007-10-24 06:40:43 · update #1

he said he didn't think he was coming. Im not going in details, but he has always been the father who talked like superdad and then never pulled though. My mom remarried when I was 6 and our step dad is great, but Jess thought it would have been more hurtful to dad for our stepdad to walk her.

I called him and he said he wasn't sure if he was attending.. Jessica said she was done with it all if he came ha came.. b;lah blah blah.. BUt as her sister I wanted to make sure we didnt have any surprises. I called him and he was like i dont even know. ANd i was liek dad its one thing not to walk your daughter down the isle. but it's another to not be at her one and only wedding. She still wanted to do the father daughter dance with him. I just don't want any hurt feelings or anything this week. she needs NO more stress! What should I do? I called him adn he said he didn't know we dont know how he will act if he comes... its all very complicated? Any suggestions?

2007-10-24 06:44:44 · update #2

17 answers

I'm sorry, but it sounds like your dad is one of the world's biggest, supreme jerks. It takes more than a sperm cell to be a father, as you and your sister have sadly learned.

But this is honestly beyond your and your sister's control. Either he'll come or he doesn't, and from what you've said, he's flaky on it. I would make plans based on his NOT being there, then if he (miraculously) shows up, you're pleasantly surprized.

I completely understand your wanting to spare your sister any stress and keep her from having hurt feelings, but there comes a point where she's going to have to determine those things for herself. If she's stressed, help her with what NEEDS to be done, but suggest to her that she worry about those things that she CAN control--this isn't one of them. She's going to have to decide within herself to not allow your father to affect how she feels on her wedding day--regardless of his being there or not. If she allows herself to be depressed about it, she's simply letting someone who obviously doesn't give a crap about her to affect one of the most important days of her life.

I wish you and your sister much happiness--please don't worry about your dad being there or not. I know that's hard, but you cannot let it affect you 2. Good luck!

2007-10-24 07:00:11 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2 0

I went through exactly the same thing with my own father and my wedding. My parents are divorced and he has been, at best, an acquaintance more than a father for the past 8 years. I told him I was walking myself down the aisle and he immediately got on the defensive and told me he would have rather I didn't even bother inviting him at all. I accepted he was not going to be at the wedding... and also came to terms with knowing he might just "show up" as well. All possibilities were considered and I moved on and focused on other aspects of my wedding.

It is so nice to see you so concerned about you sister's wedding and happiness. You have done all you can with your father... and it seems she has accepted his behavior and simply doesn't care whether he shows or not. You might not believe it... but I bet she has her feelings totally under control. She hopes for the best, but expects anything...that way there are no surprises, no matter what your father chooses to do in the end. (My father told me a few days prior he would be in attendance at the wedding. He behaved and I was glad he made the choice to be there.)

In the end, the only person who will have to live with the choice of missing out on this event is him. He needs to be the one to make the decision. Trust me...it will be a decision he will live with for the rest of his life. Be supportive and caring for your sister during this final week... it will all go fine!

2007-10-24 06:55:26 · answer #2 · answered by Kim 5 · 1 0

You/Jess have to understand that your father is most likely very hurt that he was not asked to walk his daughter down the aisle. He obviously does not realize that he wasn't exactly the best father or maybe he does realize it but is in denial or thinks he fixed everyhing by supporting her financially for a while. She needs to get in contact with him again (phone, go by his home or work, etc) immediately and she needs to calmly talk with him and tell him how much it would mean if he would still attend the wedding and she also needs to explain that his "on and off" relationship with his children has affected both of you greatly. He may not attend because he will be embarassed that he is not walking his daughter down the aisle, but honestly if he wasn't a father figure in her life then someone who was a mentor (obviously the grandfather) should walk her down the aisle. He will have to accept these things, but he should still attend the wedding since it is his daughter. Personally, if he is causing so much conflict and stress then it would probably be best if he didn't attend the wedding.
Good luck and I hope everything works out.

2007-10-24 06:46:31 · answer #3 · answered by Madison 6 · 1 0

I would say if he comes let him, and if not, so be it. It'll prove what kind of father he really is in the end. Your sister has a right to choose who she wants to walk her down the isle. Your father hasn't been there throughout the years, so that's understandable why she wouldn't want him... your Dad may be hurt by it, but how much has he hurt the both of you? Therefore, I say let it go... just leave him be, you already mentioned to him he would be missing out on a very special day.... so I think that' s about all you can do for now.

If he does come, hopefully he wont' cause a scene... but you can always have him leave if he does.

2007-10-24 06:53:23 · answer #4 · answered by m930 5 · 1 0

The wedding is all about the bride and since Dad has not really done a good job of being a parent, she can chose whoever she likes to walk her down the aisle. Sounds like Dad is only concerned about himself and has no idea of how his off again and on again relationship has affected both of you. Neither of you need that kind of person in your lives. Put him out of your mind and go on with your lives. It's his loss and you both deserve better than what he gave.

2007-10-24 06:47:07 · answer #5 · answered by Diane M 7 · 1 0

Let me know if my summary is correct: Your dad has been sometimes-in, sometimes-out of your life since you and your sister were young. He's typically been a Big Jerk to you, your sister, and your mom. He occasionally does something very nice, so you don't want to write him off completely. Now he's being a jerk again and says he doesn't want to come to the wedding.

Really, your sister, your mom, and you are probably better off without him there. If his presence will cause you stress or discomfort, then it's best if he doesn't show up. It sounds like he doesn't really deserve the place of honor typically reserved for a parent of a bride.

2007-10-24 06:48:37 · answer #6 · answered by SE 5 · 3 0

Yes, I have 2 suggestions:
1. Stop calling him & stop talking to your sister about it!
You are actually causing more drama & stress by doing that! Leave it alone! She invited him, called him, you called him; I know it hurts, but he will either come or not. It will not help her stress level or his decision to keep dwelling on it.

2. Hire a coordinator for the ceremony or get a good, organized friend to be in charge. Not a family member; someone who he doesn't know! Make sure there are 2-4 male ushers available at the door, looking out for him. If he shows up drunk or loud & obnoxious, they escort him out before he ever comes in! If he shows and initially acts fine, but then begins to make a scene, they escort him out & call the cops.

That is how you handle this situation. The emotions are another issue, but the practical things are fairly cut & dried.

2007-10-24 11:26:08 · answer #7 · answered by valschmal 4 · 0 1

Your bio dad is a jerk. I think you all realize that. Be glad that he is not coming to the wedding. Do NOT let him walk the bride down the aisle. So what if his feelings are hurt? It might be better if mom walked the bride down the aisle. I have seen this done and it is truly a lovely gesture about who was the supportive parent.

2007-10-24 07:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by bevrossg 6 · 1 0

He has not been in her life so far, so why would she worry over him attending her wedding. My parents divorced when I was 3 and I have seen him less than 10 times in the last 20 years. He was not even invited to my wedding. Your father has treated you and your sister like crap and you are worried about hurt feelings? Your sister has come to terms with it and it is her day. Let it go.

2007-10-24 07:37:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Well my suggestion is to not worry about him. Not to sound rude, but he had not been there before,so what do you think changed? If he shows up he shows up, but i wouldn't stress over it and i wouldn't give him the time of day. A Friend of mine, her father left when she was just a baby. Eventually they started to get to know each other. Their relationship is good now. but when she got married she didn't have him walk her down, and she did not do a father daughter dance. She did it all with her mother. the one who was there with her threw it all.. Why give him an honor he doesn't deserve...
I wish your sister the best day of her life. And congratulations.

2007-10-24 07:50:09 · answer #10 · answered by Gotta luv it! 4 · 1 0

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