Help with my mother?

Question

Every since my mom found out that i tryed smokes pot and that i had sex she has been on me like a hawk! i use to have a AMAZING relationship with my mom almost like we were bestfriends and now its just like she is always so suspeous and she always wants to talk to my friends parents when ima sleep at there house and she just been weird!
My mom has also been dating this guy "M" and he has been tryna act like my dad sumtimes well at least i think so and i mean me and him have talked alone before and he knows sumthings and that my mom would flip over and he has promised to keep them to himself and he is nice but then he just gets under my skin and i want my mom to be able to trust me without ALWAYS needing to talk to the paretns for example. and then she gets mad when i sleep at my friend "K" house even tho she has talked to her mom like 5 times b4!
i need help!
i want my mom to be able to trust me and us have a good relationship again!

when i talked to marty it wasnt about my mom it was about stuff i did (pot)

and f.y.i to u all i'm 16

i also told my mom about me n sex
and she found out about the pot!

she found out about the pot from a note i forgot about in my jeans

Answer 1

If you want to be trusted by your mom, you shouldn't do things that make her worry and distrust you. You broke her trust by exercising poor judgment and doing those stupid, dangerous acts. How do you think that made her feel?

Now, suddenly, everything's changed, but you can't even see that it was YOUR behavior that prompted that change. Now you're feeling sorry for yourself because, essentially, you can't do what you want and still have your mom as a best friend. Hello! She's your mother! Her primary job is to look out for your best interest despite yourself. Being your friend is secondary.

How can you expect someone who clearly loves you to not want to protect you from things and people that you have demonstrated yourself to be naive to? Stop experimenting, behaving immaturely and putting yourself in harm's way then perhaps your mother could learn to trust your judgment again. But it won't happen overnight. Grow up!

Answer 2

You need to earn that trust back. If you had admitted to trying pot and experimenting with sex instead of your mom "finding" out it may be a different (only slightly) position. Your mom knows that you made some poor choices and she doesn't want to let you get into those same situations again. She probably at least partially blames herself for not "picking up the signs" that you were trying pot or being sexually active. Talk to her as a young adult and discuss what actions you can do to try to rebuild the trust in your relationship and work together to repair it. It may take some time but it should work out. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

First, how did you mom find out about the pot?
Did you tell her or did someone else? Never good to have your mom find out from someone else, or on her own for that matter, because then it looks like you were hiding it from her. Which will make her not want to trust you.. You have to keep in mind that your mom is just looking out for you, and only wants to do right by you. So what ever she does do currently will be for good reason. As far as you getting her to trust you again, be honest with her about things. If she is easy to talk to as you say this shouldnt be a problem. Honesty is the best policy. You should really sit down with her and talk about it, like an adult, no screaming or yelling, not childish, i hate you mom comments, just talk to her...

I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you and your mom can be on the same page again.


Oh and i would also like to add that it is not a good idea to talk to Mr.M about anything. Not trying to sound mean but Mr. M is not your father and as an adult he should no better then to keep secrets for you. Talk to your mother keep that relationship important above all others.

Answer 4

If you and your mom had an "amazing" relationship and that you were like best friends. Why didn't you confide in her that you were thinking of smoking pot and cigarettes and having sex? If I were your mother I wouldn't trust you now either. I know.... I have 2 daughters. My oldest and I had a very rocky relationship. Because I didn't trust her and she was being sneaky instead of talking to me. So there you have it. I hope you and your mother can get back to where you were. You have to earn the trust back. Good-luck.

Answer 5

well sweetie. u broke that trust whenever you went a smoked pot and had sex. Your mom is just scared and doesnt want you to make any mistakes that will affect you life dramatically. Just sit her down and talk to her that you want the relationship to go back to the way it was and that you will gain her trust back. Because remember once you loose that, its the hardest thing to ever get back. So just take that into consideration

Answer 6

You just need to sit down with her and talk it out. But before, you need to tell her that if she won't listen and act like an adult, then y'all's relationship will go down the drain completely and she doesn't want that. Just speak from your heart (so cliche, I know) and tell her how you feel. If she gets upset or starts yelling or whatever, tell her that y'all will try this some other time when she's more receptive. Try not to lose you temper with her. Be calm and if you have to, just walk away. Don't even talk to her if you feel that she wants to argue. If nothing else, this will show her that you are growing up and that she needs to let you make some decisions. She won't like ie, but she'll respect you if you don't act like a three old. (Don't cry, yell, say "everybody's doing it, etc.)

Answer 7

You don't need to discuss your sex life with anyone else..... telling your mom about yours was your first mistake.... some things are PRIVATE, and we need to keep them as such.

On smoking pot -- i understand that most of use have tried it, and have smoked socially. If you aren't a drug addict, then no need to share that, either.

Some things are better left unsaid.

As for your mother's boyfriend, don't confide in him either. Talk to people your own age.

If you have issues, it's quite OK to go to your mom for help and advice..

Let your mom know you want her to trust you again. Ask her what you can do to improve your relationship.

take care.

Answer 8

hmm She thinks you are going to to continue having sex and smoking pot.. and she doesnt want that for you! I would be acting the same way your mother is. She wants the best for you and smoking pot and having sex isnt the best thing for you to be doing.
If you arent doing those things anymore, maybe you should sit down with your mom and talk to her..But she'll always wonder if you are out doing something you are not suppose to be doing since you have done them once before..

Answer 9

If you want your mom to trust you again then you are going to have to prove you are trustworthy. By smoking pot and having sex you broke her trust and she is wanting to protect you from doing stupid stuff so she feels the need to check up on you. All you can do is stay out of trouble until she feels she can trust you again.

Answer 10

Have you tried talking with her?
Perhaps you should try and listen to her point of view. I'm sure she is just worried about you and is more or less attempting to become invovled in your life. However, I agree that her becoming more involved can be cumbersome from time to time and make you feel like she's trying to control you. But if you can accept that she is trying to help and you both talk, in order to deal with things in a mature and trustworthy manner, she might see that you are able to make your own decisions.
Have patience and communicate, instead of getting annoyed with her when she does something you find pesters you.