Wedding etiquette?

Question

Is it wrong to not have the "traditional" wedding? I want to keep most parts of the wedding traditional, but some I don’t want at all.
I don't want the Maid of Honor or Best man to say a speech during the reception.
I don't want to do the whole pulling the garter off my thigh.
Is it wrong to not do these things?
I'm very shy, and I think it will be hard enough on my to get the courage to walk down the isle in front of people. I want the whole wedding to be just relaxed, and take away any extra attention!
What do you think?

Thanks in advance for your answers!

Answer 1

Hi Brittany and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

NO...it is not wrong at all! I totally agree with everyone else that has told you this. I was very much like you when I was married (still am)....I DON'T like attention on me. To be honest.....I hate the garter thing. Sometimes they get downright nasty and obscene.

Again, like everyone has said....YOU do what YOU want! If you don't, you will regret it. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. You may get some that say...."but it's tradition!"
That's crap.

Good luck and I hope you have a beautiful wedding day and a nice relaxed reception!

Answer 2

What is tradition anyway? Traditional where? During what period of history?

If we really wanted to be traditional, we'd still have bedding ceremonies and people would be ripping our rented tuxes and expensive gowns as we ran away.

My point is--No its not wrong to not do what is traditional. After all, America is exactly that--a mixture of multiple cultures and traditions. What is a tradition to your next door neighbor is not a tradition in your family. So therefore nothing will be the same tradition to everyone in attendance at your wedding.

You don't want to do the garter? Fine. We are way pasted that time when clothing needs to be ripped off. The last 3 weddings I've been to only one did the garter and bouquet toss. In fact, one of them didn't have dancing either. Just sitting around eating til people left.

You don't want your MOH and BM to give speeches? I know if I were your MOH I'd be grateful of that!

Throughout most of history, the bride just wore a nice dress and she and her groom went to a church or judge one day. He performed the ceremony and filed the paperwork. That's all that is necessary.

The unity candle is all about taking from your family and creating your own new family with your new tradition. Just b/c your old family always waited until Dec 20 to put up the tree doesn't mean your new one has to. Relax all the rules you want. You'll still be married and you'll still be a beautiful bride.

Answer 3

I think it's fine to make the wedding your own. As long as you say vows in front of someone who's legally allowed to marry you, then everything else is just extra.

We're an older first-time bride and groom, and found some of the traditional stuff just a little silly for us. We're not using traditional music, a friend got ordained over the internet to perform the ceremony (we're not church-goers and didn't want a stranger to marry us), we are having just a matron of honor and a best man (no bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, or ring bearer), cupcakes instead of a wedding cake, no garter or bouquet toss, minimal toasts. I'm wearing a formal dress rather than a poufy wedding dress, he's wearing a suit rather than a tux. So, I think that you should do whatever makes you comfortable, as long as it results in a legal marriage, isn't dangerous, and doesn't insult your guests--nothing you've suggested is any of that. Congratulations and best wishes.

Answer 4

Your wedding should be a reflection of you and your groom, so you should have the type of wedding that suits you. We're having a very non-traditional wedding, and I think it will be great. There's no need for the speeches - I've been to plenty of weddings in which no one gave a speech. Also, lots of people are opting to nix the bouquet and garter toss too. No big deal at all. You don't want to be a nervous wreck on your wedding day! Go with whatever makes you comfortable.

I know what you mean about being nervous. I don't like crowds, and I don't really like being the center of attention unless I'm performing (I sing). Relaxed is goooood. :-)

Answer 5

It's your wedding. Do what you want. I'd imagine your Maid of Honor and Best Man will be relieved not to have to give speeches, just warn them ahead of time so they don't waste time preparing them. Personally, I think the garter thing is just beyond tacky so I agree with you on that one too. I skipped a lot of the traditional stuff and still had a nice weddding and offended no one. You don't sound like a Bridezilla so I don't think you are being unreasonable. Congratulations and good luck on your wedding!

Answer 6

Both of those things are easy to let slide. I am sure the best man/maid of honor will understand. They may even be happy that they do not have to give a speech. As far as the garter toss, not a problem. It is your wedding and if any aspect of it is going to make you uncomfortable, then just cut it out (besides walking down the aisle, I would suggest keeping that) Best of luck!

Answer 7

You and your bf plan the specifics you want, while still taking into account your families' wishes, as well.
You plan the reception program, so arrange who you want to do the toasts and speeches. For example, I had my oldest sister do the toast to the bride and groom, rather than the MOH or best man.
The garter thing is really going by the wayside, because it's so sexist. You can either substitute something or just do the bouquet toss. At her wedding, my niece had her husband throw an embroidered hankie with chocolate kisses in it, for the guys.

Answer 8

Do what you feel comfortable and I think you are on the right track. Dont do anything that would make you feel uneasy and uncomfortable. I am proud of you that you know the wedding is not just about the bride that you want everyone to be relaxed you are a very grounded and mature person Enjoy your wedding and reception I think it will be wonderful. Too many weddings are overdone, overpriced and overstated I am proud of you for being so smart and sensible.

Answer 9

Plan your own wedding....but it's hard not to be the center of attraction because you are the bride .......but i understand how you feel.
I experienced it too,but remember wedding day is one of the most amazing and happiest day of your life and you have to have fun by experiencing some of the traditional wedding like pulling the garter off your thigh...It's so much fun. But as what I've said you can plan your own wedding and it's not wrong not to have traditional wedding.
Don't be shy,before you walk on the isle,close your eyes imagine your future husband is waiting at the altar....and remember all the people who are present there are your loving families and friends. So,there's no need to be shy.
Your Maid of Honor and Best Man fell more happy and honor if they speech let them give you wishes and a toast for the newly husband and wife.
Make your wedding day memorable not only you and your husband to be but also for all your guest who love and support you both. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 10

Traditional doesn't mean it's required. The only thing required is the actual legal signing of the documents and filing with the courthouse. Everything else is fluff. I like fluff, but not all of it, and we're doing some things out of the norm....no bridal party, we're walking in together, no garter, no bouquet toss, no first dance, reception is months later, lots of things...it upsets some people, but the ones who truly count (my fiance and me) are thrilled with the plans. You do the things that will make your wedding special for you.