What is an appropriate way to tell off my Sister-In-Law?

Question

Ok, my SIL (we will call Jane) got knocked-up & my brother married her. Jane had nothing to her name before getting prego. He has made a life for them & have since moved closer to HIS mom (we share the same Dad, but not the same Mom). Over the period of 5 years, Jane has molded into the spitting image of my brother’s mother (his mom & now Jane think they are high-class, hob-knobbing, snobby, stuck up, bitches etc…). His mother has always been that way, but since Jane didn’t have any friends (ever) she only has her mother-in-law as a companion. I have even nick-named her “Mini-Me” b/c she acts JUST LIKE her MIL!!! They even have MATCHING CARS!! The thing is, Jane forgot where she came from (her mom is a druggy & her dad is in prison). Anyhoo – She talks crap about me to my brother’s mom ALL THE TIME. My other brother’s wife (whom is nothing like her & I get along w/ just great – We’ll call her Tiffany) has overheard Jane & the mother-in-law talking about me.

They also talk about my MOM which really makes me LIVID. And they treat Tiffany like $@% b/c she refuses to act stuck up & bitchy like them. What makes me the most pissed is how Jane is always being a BI%$* to Tiffany. And more importantly how she talks about my Mom, whom by the way has always been nice to her & treats her kids GREAT. Jane LIES all the time to make herself look good & recently told her Mother-In-Law that she told me off about some stupid ****, which wasn’t even true. I want to confront her, but don’t know where to begin. I want to do it in a formal but stern way, but with a little class. You know how they do it in movies & you are just like “YEAH”!! I have thought about telling her she wouldn’t even be in this family had it of not been for a 5 year old little mistake, but I don’t know if that it too rude!!

ANY ADVICE???

I have just gotten to the point where I can't STAND her & really just want to beat the #&% out of her. But again, I want to do it in an appropriate way.

To make it a little clearer, this has been going on for quite some time (years). She has done spitefull (sp?) things & no on has EVER put her in her place. She has made very hurtful comments in front of Tiffany & no one ever tells her anything. She TRULEY DEFINES THE WORD WITCH!!!

Oh - My brother is somewhat like them too. He just acts like they have this perfect family. He talks about everyone too & he acts high society as well. Now what?? :) LOL!!! I love him, but I SO don't love his ways!!!!

She has even come between both of my brothers before -- She is evil.

And she is one of those people that if you have done it, she has done it BETTER. If you want something, she will go out & buy it 1st. She is ALWAYS trying to out-do everyone.

Answer 1

i find the best way to really tick someone off is to laugh at them. be sure to snicker really hard while loudly recalling that she her mom's a druggy and dad's in prison. be sure to also giggle rapidly about how funny you find people who have the holier than thou attitude. you can yell and scream, but that just shows her she's getting under your skin. laugh at her pathetic a** and she will get mad. you can't change her behavior, but you can get a little satisfaction from making fun of her...

Answer 2

WOW
Vent vent vent..
phew
okay
#1 this woman had no mother figure so came into the family a little warped and hitched onto the mother figure she could get closest continual access to.
#2 she has no clue as to what she is doing
#3 she has no history to fall back on as her own family is screwed up so she lives in a house of cards
As much as she is pissing you off her life is brittle and fragile
and so probably so are her emotions too.
Her senses are in tune with her mother in law and unless something earth shattering happens there, anything you would do would make it worse.
So..
Now what do you do with all this anger.
Its only going to hurt the family and you will look like the bad guy
But put it to them both they have no right to gossip but really now
all women do.
But let them know it is hurting the family perhaps
Tell them they have no right.
Also make sure Tiffany person has her facts straight and if she intends to be your friend what she hears shouldn't travel.
It is her responsibility what to do with the information she heard
How many wrongs does it take to make a right

Answer 3

Arrgh! This bothers me because I can't imagine such a scenerio! You should have a family talk with your MIL, SIL, and wife, so everyone is on the same page. First you should talk to your wife one last time. Tell her it's important that the spouse backs one another up. Because since you're a couple, you have to be one voice in a situation like this. Her passiveness doesn't help. I understand because my fiance was the same way with his family. Until I showed him how unhappy I was with him. Sit down and tell everyone they are family, you love them, but they are guests in YOUR house. Tell them why it frustrates you, what needs to be changed, what you can help with, and when it needs to be done by. If she doesn't like it, she can do what my hunny and I were forced to do a few times, save up, pack up, and ship out. Even when family is concerned, I find they are the first ones to take advantage of your kindness. They assume because you live together they get full run. If she can't find other babysitting accommodations. Then it's best she starts helping out more around the house. Then she might fully understand what it's like to work, then come home and do more work. I don't know what other advice to give, because unfortunate this is something that should have been prepared for when you guys agreed to let them move in. If you knew how she was before she came, it would have been best to say, "These are the rules, if you don't like them or follow them, you'll find some place else to stay." There are tons of women's shelters and things like that for single mothers trying to get on their feet. Don't let the "I have no where else to go." fool you.

Answer 4

You're tooooo funny - I've felt this mad before!!! You need to see Steel Magnolias....that's the quintessential "how to tell someone off in a classy way" kind of movie. :)

Your bother has a right to know and be included in these issues. If you confront only her, she will spin things around when she tells her version of what happened to him....and you don't want that. YOu don't want her to ruin your r'ship with your brother or your neice/nephew! If i were you, I would call my brother and tell him you'd like to sit down with the 2 of them to have a talk about something. Let him set a date and time so it's convenient for them. Don't tell them what it's about because that will give her time to stew, get angry and get defensive.

When you go over there, get yourself mentally prepared to stay calm and be dignified through it all. Tell her that you've been hearing some things that are very hurtful and you want to give her a chance to hear her side. This will make you look fair, calm, and logical to your brother so she can't make you look like an a s s later. Tell her what you've been hearing and how much it hurts you and why. If she wants to know who told you, tell her it's not relavent to the conversation and you're not here to talk about someone else. Hopefully the 3 of you can work through a peaceful, mature talk that will make you look good and bring to your brother's attention her behavior.

Answer 5

Why are you allowing what other people do to control your emotions?

The sister in law can say whatever she wants, and you are letting her control YOUR life, by being angry and upset.

I know words hurt, but why tell her off? In doing so, you wil be just as ignorant and uncaring as she is.

Perhaps gather your dignity, act like a lady and remove yourself from the drama. Aren't you better than that?

Answer 6

First of all, never call a child a mistake. Children are precious, whether the pregnancy was or not, and your issues are with your sister-in-law, not the child.

Secondly, family issues are tough. If you go off on your sister-in-law, she could easily turn it around and convince your brother to hate you. You should talk to him about it, first, and tell him that this is going on and that you don't like having her talk about you behind your back.

Answer 7

If it were me i'd seek every opportunity I could to show up her "lies" in front of her husband. And maybe ask how her dad's doing in prison? Maybe ask if her mother's gotten help for her "nasty habit" yet. She needs to be reminded of where she came from and your brother needs to be enlightened to her lies and the things she's doing. But, even though your angry, do it in a spirit of love otherwise you'll feel bad at yourself and you'll end up looking like the bad one.

Answer 8

i'd pay mind games with her. oooh I'd ask her in front of her mother in law and friends has she heard from her dad in prison and ask if mother has gotten over her addiction. Ya know her high class but wipes don't know she is trailer trash

Answer 9

i would invite both mil and sil to lunch and give them the what for, bet they denie saying any of it. if they do not accept the invite then catch them out. what is your bro saying about this? talk to him first tell him what is going on then if nothing is said and done then invite them out to eat... then if nothing else works kick the **** out of both of them especially when they r talking about your mom, you try the grown up phase first if nothing works get physical. i am not the one to be talking because it took me 10 yrs to control my anger but when it comes to my deceased mom i cant control my anger.

Answer 10

i dislike my sister in law to!!!! my advice: sometimes ignoring people makes them more angry and it makes u look good. u don't want to be to nasty to her bc it could possibly ruin the relationship between u and your brother. unfortunatly or fortunately, we as human beings will always stand up for our spouse. just ignore her!!!