How do you deal with a sibling that hates you?

Question

I have a younger 14 yr old sister. Growing up she has always been very annoying. She would pester my friends when they came over, she takes my things without asking, she loses and damages my things, she has absolutely no respect, she plays really loud music when i'm trying to sleep, and the list goes on and on and on... So because of all this I admit I have been very rude to her most of my life. I have treated her like the annoying little sibling she acts like. I have ignored her at times thinking that would be the best option. But now I feel like she has turned on me because of this. I really do love and care about her but I feel like she actually hates me. She glares at me, ignores me when I ask her to do things, tells me mean, hurtful things, and even gets pleasure out of making me cry. I have even tried to make things better with her. I've tried to take her out, I've written her thoughtful notes but nothing seems to work. Do you think this is payback or do you think it's a phase?

She is the youngest out of 4 which is another reason she is probably acting out so bad. My parents have tried but she is not one that is easy to control.

Answer 1

Hahhahah This sounds like my sisters and I. Growing up we fought, yelled, screamed, kicked, and pretty much totally hated each other. It wasn't until we all grew up and moved away did we start getting along. Now, whenever we get together we laugh and all the silly crap we used to do to each other.

Answer 2

It's probably a phase. She will learn when she grows up. I have a 13 year old sister and I have an unbelievably long list of things she does to annoy me. That includes, taking my things, not returning them, damaging them and everything. She totally disrespects my parents and thinks she can go around and leave a mess everywhere. She said that I changed..... because I'm a mother now. But fact of the matter is, she's changed. She never used to do these things until she became a teenager.
She may be giving you some payback for ignoring her at first, but she will grow out of it. It should get old, especially when she gets a job of her own and has her own money to get her own things.
Good Luck
Sincerly, A person in the same situation

Answer 3

Awwww..... :( You making feel bad too cause I USED TOO (used to) have a sister that was exactly like that. Even though people like relatives say that they hate each other, they really don't because they are realtives and will live longer because your sister will probably live for another 20 years and yuo guys of course will work out before she turns 54.
This shouldn't be a payback or a phase.
Ask her the reason WHY she has to do this to you. Just because you did it to her doesn't mean she can do it back.
She's your little sister charge her back (nice way). Meaning as asking her to start over. No offence but I kinda hate your sister even though I've never met her before because I can picture her already.
Hope everything comes out like normal again.

Answer 4

I think she is treating you just like you have treated her. As they say...what goes around comes around. Now that you are older, just try to be the best sister you can. Maybe even sincerely apologize for anything you have done to hurt her. Don't give up. If she is only 14 now...she will probably grow out of it as she gets older too. Remember, teenagers can be horrible!! I have a similar situation with my sister. I am the youngest of 4, and she is always awful to me, and wonders why I am mean back to her. I am 25 now, and she is 28...and we are still trying to mend things up. I don't know if we ever will...but I know it would help me a lot if she apologized to me and made a better effort to be a nice sister.

Answer 5

A little bit of both. Most siblings fight when they are teenagers, end of story. God knows I did. But part of it is payback too. My brother and I fought so much before highschool (we are about 1.5 years apart). I was always jeleous of him and tried to get him in trouble. He thought I was an annoying beotch and his friends made fun of me. This just turned into a viceous cycle. But when I told my mom how much I hated him, she always said, "when you get older, that will change." And it did. By the time I was 17, he and I became good friends. Very close friends, actually. I'm 25 now and our friendship is still strong.

Don't worry about the relationship status between you two. It will work out, most likely. Just treat her with respect: if the music is too loud, ask her to turn it down. If she needs a favor, be there. It will accumulate to the point where differences will even out. But being overly concern might become annoying to her.

Answer 6

Look, you're not right. Living 14 years with the sensation you are the thing nobody needed is very hard. You just can't expect her to change her dreadfull opinion of u in dunno months. You need years. Yes, it's payback, if you want to remake your relationship with her you need to show her you have hanged. U needn't her to see u cry coz it's a sign of weakness. You needn't to ask her anything coz' she will take profit. You must inspire dignity and show her you don't need her. Just ignore her or treat her cool every time. Just act nicely to her and ask nothing back. Help her as much as u can but put nothing from u. After a while 1 year at least, try starting to be friends

Answer 7

It's difficult for young people to know how to deal with a sibling who is vying for negative attention. When we are young, we have limited life experience in dealing with difficult people, so that makes it tougher.

Your sister probably loves you and looks up to you. She doesn't know what else to do to get your attention, so negative attention is better than none at all. And now that she knows she can push your buttons, she seems to be doing it routinely.

If your sister says something annoying, just smile and agree with her.. even if she says you are ugly or gives another insult. If she bothers you and your friends, just try to be nice, smile and act like it doesn't bother you.

If you do not allow her to affect you negatively, and she sees that her annoying ways are no longer working, she will eventually stop it. You are really going to have to practice, practice turning off your anger.

Don't ask her to do things, and she will no longer glare at you.

Trying to do things with her was very kind, and perhaps you can try again. Play games, or whatever. If she acts up or does something mean, tell her you have to stop whatever it is you are doing... get up and politely leave. Don't put up with her aggravation, and don't let it upset you. Remove yourself from situations with her which are uncomfortable.

Doing these things are going to take a lot of effort on your part, but if your sister discovers she no longer annoys you, she will get bored and stop.

could take a while.

Answer 8

Try to remember what it was like when you were 14. She wants your attention and she wants to be accepted by you. You've treated her rudely in the past so occasional attempts to be nice to her will only be seen as manipulations on your part. She'll be suspicious.

Think about how you want your relationship with her to be going forward. Talk to her and apologize for things that have happened in the past. Tell her you know you've hurt her and you're sorry for that but you'd like things to improve. Ask her what she's feeling. She may not be able to articulate what she wants yet but just take it in small steps. Be consistant with being nice to her. Give her a chance to see that you really do want things to be different. She's acting out in response to the past. Show her the present and future can be different. She'll have to learn to trust you and that will take time but it is possible. It will take determination, consistancy and patience on your part. All things are possible. Even getting your 14 year old sister to like you again.

Answer 9

Most of the time siblings fight or seem to hate each other when they are younger but when they grow up they form a wonderful friendship. I have 3 older sisters and 2 younger brothers and it isn't easy. It is just a phase that most people go through. Try talking to her and telling her how you feel and find out how she feels.

Answer 10

You did not say how old you are. But, know this sibling hatred thing will probably pass. Just continue to be warm and caring, if you can. Try to be as nice as possible, as much as possible. She may never change, BUT YOU CAN. In your life you will have annoying people, whether they be related to you of not. How you treat everyone says a lot about you. And maybe she will see this and want to change. Or maybe she will grow up to be a b(*^tch. But you have the choice to be a better person. And you will feel better for it. Good luck!

Answer 11

She may just be going through a phase but it sounds like payback. I had the same problem a long time ago when me and my sister were teenagers. I am two years older than her and I was mean and rude to her until I started to junior high. When she got older she started being mean and rude to me. We are close now that we are adults but this did not happen until my senior year of high school. Just give her time and she should grow out of it. Good Luck!