Would you say.... a person should feel "guilty" in any way for borrowing money and not paying it back?

Question

My mom and I had an unpleasant discussion about this. I owe a lot of money on credit cards and get collection calls, and she says I deserve it and whatever mean things they say I should just... take. I think people shouldn't feel "guilty" and deserving harassment from collectors if their lives change enough that they can't arrange for even debt counseling. I think knowing you're in debt and will pay for it in years to come is punishment enough, and guilt is more well put when someone directly suffers because of an action. How do you define guilt?

Answer 1

guilt is for criminals, and since you have committed no crime, no sense in feeling as if you did.

sometimes we overdo it when we get credit, and don't look to the long-term repayment before we charge things. you didn't say whether these were necessary items, or for college, etc. however, as time goes by, and as you pay these cards off, you will have learned to be more careful about credit cards.

hon, if you are having a rough time paying these cards off, please keep in touch with the credit card companies. if your payment is going to be several days late, give them a call and let them know. try to make more than the minimum payment, even if it's only $20 or $30 -- you will get things paid off sooner.

You don't have to feel guilty, rather, do your best to pay these cards off, and learn a life lesson. You aren't alone in this problem -- thousands upon thousands of people in this country have major credit card debt.

There is a wonderful financial wizard named Suzie Orman, who has written several books for women about finances. I'm sure you can find her publications in the library... perhaps thesse might be of some help for your future.

Take care, and stop feeling guilty. do your best to get the bills paid off... and you can also talk to the credit card companies about lowering your interest rate or removing some of the interest charges.

Answer 2

I think you should have at least a twinge of guilt. It sounds like you are younger and this may be a good learning experience for you. But - you need to step up and take responsibility and guilt is a great motivator to take the actions you need to take. However, this situation doesn't need to define your life and make you feel small or insignificant and you do not deserved to be harassed. Tell the bill collectors not to call you anymore, but take the first step - contact the credit card companies and find out what options you have.

BTW - as for others suffering - yes - we all do. With all those fees we pay, the higher interest rates and extra charges tacked onto our credit card bills, *you* personally are causing negative affects to others. Whoever lives with you is suffering from the phone ringing all the time. Your future family will suffer from things you might not be able to purchase. Just a thought.

Answer 3

I think you SHOULD feel guilty even if the money was borrowed from a bank and not a private person. The money the bank lends comes from its other customers in the form of higher fees and interest rates so you really are taking money away from all the other customers by your being irresponsible. And you can always arrange for debt counselling; most reputable credit counsellors charge a very low fee for the service--- usually just enough to cover the admin overhead of processing your payments for you--- so there's no reason not to, unless you are reluctant to give up your credit cards. Which should make you feel guilty because you're already in debt and you're being stubborn against racking up more debt and taking more money away from those of us who pay on time, just because you don't want to cut up your credit cards. Get a credit counseller, hand in your cards, and the calls will stop, and you'll be able to pay back what you owe with a little less negative feelings.

Answer 4

Guilt is that uncomfortable feeling that keeps you up nights worrying about these bills. If you're going around blowing all kinds of money of frivolities, then yes, your mother is trying to talk some sense into you. If you're like us (my husband and I) and are living within your means but are struggling with medical bills and are literally doing everything you can to do right by those companies who helped you when you needed it most, then hold your head high and keep up the good work. Debt is not always the result of irresponsibility. However, if the debt is being ignored and is not being dealt with responsibly (paying your bills on time, keeping in contact with creditors, seeking help such as credit counseling if you cannot meet those payments) then I don't see how you can sleep at night. If you're dealing with these things head-on and learning to live within your means instead of charging up credit cards for things you just "want" not "need" then you're doing the right thing and shouldn't feel guilty. Hope this helps! Being in debt stinks.

Answer 5

Well honestly i've been where you are with the exception that my mom wasn't telling me I deserved it. The thing is, you have to be willing to do something to change your life so you can begin to pay that money back. It isn't right for the debt collectors to call and be hateful with you as they are I know. But if you know you can't pay it back you shouldn't borrow the money or buy things on credit either. Have you thought about filing bankruptcy? It could help and maybe would give you the umph that you need to make that change in your life to where you can get back on track.

Answer 6

Sure you should feel responsible, which it sounds like you might. You should not necessarily feel guilty about your life changing to where you are unable to pay your debts, but pay them a little bit... ten bucks each, or something, and the calls may stop.

Now for harassing phone calls... that's illegal. You can get them for that. You can tell them they are bothering you at work, to not call again, because your job is being jeopardized by their harassment.. They are trying scare and guilt tactics on you, and it really is illegal. Tell them you are willing to secure an attorney, or that your sister is an attorney or something.... and that you are going to begin proceedings against them if they do not cease to harass you.

However, your debts should be paid, no matter how long it takes you. Like I said, pay them what you can, every month. It may not be much, and it may not even whittle down your debt, but at least they will see you are trying.

AND you don't have to pay collection agencies.... you pay the original creditor. Collection agencies tack on their own fees to make it worth their while to acquire the original debt, but that is their problem. You did not sign contracts with them, you don't owe them.

Answer 7

Someone is directly suffering when you don't pay your bills! Other consumers!!!! Prices on things get raised due to companies losing money from people like you. Most of the time creditors will work with you as long as they know you are really making an effort to pay them back. If your life has changed so much you can't pay your bills then I guess you didn't plan for any emergencies or "rainy days". If you are in debt right now maybe you need to reconsider your spending habits before they totally ruin your credit history and future. Feel guilty or don't feel guilty but the thing you have to realize is that the things you purchased to stack up your bills is having to be paid for by SOMEONE. When you purchase something on credit you are promising to pay for the item that the seller came through with and supplied to you. They kept up there end now grow up and be responsible for doing the right thing.

Answer 8

I think you already do feel guilty--"knowing you're in debt and will pay for it in years to come..."

People's lives do change, and sometimes they have to live off their credit cards. I don't know if this is your situation; maybe you spent it all having fun.

On the other hand, what if you owed that money to a friend instead of faceless credit card companies. Would you feel like a bad person then? Is it different depending on who you borrowed from?

Answer 9

I messed up 5 cred cards in 2005 and I feel absolutely no guiit. I do not even answer the collector calls. I too had a change in my life that prevented me from paying, but it has always been in my plan to pay and when I get my income tax return in 2008 I will pay them all off. Why should I feel guilty when they charge me late and over the limit fees monthly because of the non-paying? Tell your mother the guilt should lie with the losers that purposely use credit cards and never intended to pay. Had I owed a family member and couldnt pay back when I was suppose to I woud definetely not run from them and pay ANYTHING to show I plan to pay back...but a credit card company FORGET about it.

Answer 10

Guilt, in this situation, is running away from your responsibilty to pay bills, making all kinds of excuses for not being able to keep up with payments, or not trying to actively do something to remedy the situation. Money borrowed, whether it be direct from a friend, or from a bank, or from the use of credit cards, should all be handled respectfully and repaid promptly.