Ok, so about a year ago, my mother did something deplorable. Let me give you a little background. My mother was sexually abused as a child, so she grew up hating men. At a very young age, she would tell my sisters and me that men were dirty and only wanted one thing. She told us not to trust men beacause they had urges.So when I had a daughter she told me not to let him change her or bathe her because men have urges and it did not matter that it was his daughter. So for those of you that have had a baby girl, you know what happens when they poop, it gets everywhere and you gott get in there to get it out. So she saw him doing that and freaked out! He was only cleaning her, she had a really messy daiper. She called CPS on him, the charges were dropped. She got in trouble for making false charges. Now, after a year, she wants to be at the birthday party my in laws are throwing for her. They would not shun her, but should I allow her to be there?
2007-10-24 03:45:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My husband refuses to be around her. Only in public places. She is not allowed on our home. He will not answer the phone when she calls either. She just had a breast cancer scare and he said....I hate the woman but I would not want her to die. That hurt me so badly. He knows it and apologized for it. He will not let her baby sit because he doesn't tust her. At my youngest daughter's first birthday party, she went, so did her. It was at my sisters house. He was civil to her, and she hugged him. He got so angry that he got red and got mad at me afterward. She does things like that. Then when we got home all she could do was complain about how phony he is. God I need a break!
2007-10-24 04:19:27 · update #1
Your mom needs some serious counseling. I mean she must have tolerated men enough to become pregnant with you and your sisters. If you would feel comfortable having her there, then allow it, but only after a frank discussion that you will not tolerate paranoia.
2007-10-24 03:50:40 · answer #1 · answered by Liberty Belle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a suckish party, no offense. If u don't let ur daughter play with other people outside of ur family, then she will grow up to become a crab (she'll NEVER want to go out and meet new people). U need to have a drink and relax. U r too paranoid. Also, ur daughter shouldn't be obliged to have "play dates" with her MOTHER! Plus, ur kid should be able to have candy sometime or another. Isn't ur kid hot in the summer if she doesn't wear shorts? Also, write on the invitation that the kids buy her "educational games". All in all, u need a drink and throw ur daughter a party. U r crazy, man. Relax and let her live her 6 year old life. P.S.- If u don't buy cookies or candy for the party, the kids will never play with ur daughter or come over ur home again. P.P.S- Her cousins do not have to c her 24/7. Give her some space and butt out, Lady! P.P.P.S.- If u make the kids take a nap, they will disobey and make u upset. R u crazy, Woman? listen to everyone else, u r a wack job. Get a phychologist!
2016-05-25 11:22:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently your mother has a lot of pain and issues from her abuse as a child. I don't believe that she is looking to be malicious or hurt full. She is not a well woman and has not gone to counseling and has been living with this fear all her life. Even though what she did was wrong, very wrong. Your husband needs to be civil and stop adding to the drama.
I would allow her to go to the party. There will be enough people there that your husband dosn't need to have one on one time with her.
2007-10-24 04:59:41 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom has severe mental issues that need to be addressed by some professional counseling. If you want her to be at the party then the three of you should meet before hand. You , your husband and your mother. Your husband will need to work through all of this as well.
It is a shame to keep her from her grandchild but you have to do what you feel is comfortable for everyone involved.
Good Luck.
2007-10-24 03:50:38 · answer #4 · answered by mamabee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did your in-laws invite her? If so, it sounds like it's their party and not yours, so they should make the decision on that.
But, in the non-buck-passing mode, I don't know that I could ever forgive my mother for calling CPS on my husband. Your husband and your child are your family now. What does your husband say about being around her? Do you really want your child exposed to your mother's attitudes about men?
It's taken me a while to get here, but I think if your mother doesn't get counseling, I would refuse to have my daughter around her--and certainly no unsupervised time.
2007-10-24 04:04:50 · answer #5 · answered by marvymom 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry for what you have had to endure because of your mother's issues. Your mother obviously has not gotten help for the abuse she suffered, and has developed some horribly skewed thinking. It is sad, from where i sit.
Have you ever urged your mother to talk with someone about these issues? I just wondered.
I hope you get some good answers here, hon. I really don't know what to say, except maybe talk with your in-laws. Let them know you are hesitant to have her there, and ask them how they feel?
I sure hope it works out. My heart goes out to your family.
2007-10-24 04:35:11 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur mom is that way cause she never got help from when it happened to her. she is messed up in the head... shes scared of men and thats why she did it not all men are bad but in order for her to see that she needs to talk to someone.... thats nothing u can do unless she wants help. its a terrible crime to live with when your the victim. i myself would give her a chance. i lost my mom 2 yrs ago and i would love to have her back but cant. maybe she sees she was wrong and wants another chance. maybe u should ask your husband how he feels. since she pointed fingers at him. im sure if he loves u and knows he did no wrong hes willing to let it go if are.
2007-10-24 04:02:19 · answer #7 · answered by kitttkat2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother obviously has some serious unresolved issues that could threaten your family. Your husband is correct to avoid her and mistrust her for the protection of your family unit. Until your mother commits to some type of therapy for her problems, your husband has taken the right stand and you should back him up. You and your daughter could meet her somewhere the day before to celebrate.
2007-10-24 04:47:13 · answer #8 · answered by bjstree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i can see where she is coming from...something like that would really traumatize someone...but yes she over reacted way more then she should have.....
its nice that she wants to be part of your little girls life but if i were you i would simply tell her that you would like her to come but she is not going to pull something like that again...
and if it does happen again don't let her come back....
because its your job to make sure your child is safe not her's...and if you think there is something wrong then you will deal with it.....
but i don't see why she couldn't see her grand child just talk to her first and make sure she understands
good luck
2007-10-24 03:56:12 · answer #9 · answered by voney w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother can find healing in forgiveness,something she can pray for,and you can find love for your mom again not because of sympathy for what had happened to her but by forgiving her for not knowing how to deal with an-others sickness.God Bless, love is healing so invite her and talk to her about forgiveness.
2007-10-24 04:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by muffie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋