Would you stay in this relationship?

Question

It seems like every day it is another issue with my boyfriends son... He has succeeded to keep my boyfriend from going on a family trip to Washington DC with me and my kids simply because the 8 year old child of his does not want to go and if he doesn't want to go his Mom won't let him go. Now my boyfriend tried to plan on going without him--- but his son pitched a fit and made him feel bad so now he is staying back with him. Ahhhh I could scream at this point. I try so hard to love this child as I do my own, but he makes it so difficult. I love my boyfriend to death, but I am beginning to wonder if it will ever change and if it is worth all this.

Answer 1

Give it time. Children need time to adapt to that type of situation. And giving that time then your boyfriend probably wont cave to his wishes over yours...but after all you child's needs should always come first. So on that note I think you found yourself a good guy.Just give the situation time to happen without pushing the child. This is all a big change for him remember that!

Answer 2

Can you talk to your boyfrined? And if so how does he feel? It is really hard when kids come between adults, but it is usually because the adults let them. Sounds like his mom is not playing fair by him - as in the kid, not just her ex

Best result would be for your boyfriend to go and to explain carefully to his son why he is going and that he loves him and will bring him somethng back to show he was thinking of him while away

However, if you can't get this resolved, I'd suggest going on your trip with your kids, so they don't feel left out, and not trying to make your boyfriend feel guilty as he is feeling stuck in the middle between his new life and his responsibilty for his son

I do wish parents would not take out old feelings on their kids when the relationship splits up - if the kid's mom and his father could both come to an agreement that the child would not feel pulled or that he would not always get his own way then things would be much easier on all concerned - especially on the kd, who is no doubt feeling some strong emotions which is probably why he is acting up

Answer 3

Hiya, his a clever one isnt he, its the old game of who does dady love more, and poor daddy is torn, who do you put first in this if it was other way round, of course its your kid.s, thats what boyfriend is doing, it must kill him, but its what parents do, as for the young man in question, whatever you do, dont let him think it has bothered you, be real nice to him as usual, dont talk about how he has upset things, that will give him power and he will continue to use it, I know it sounds daft but make a day out for all of you, theme park forest walk anything, and there is no way he can keep making it difficult, eventually, as you are nice and calm he will realise that hey, its not to bad and da is still there for him and wants him to share in your united family, if he wont go, the rest of you must, he has to see that you can, and will have good times without him, but that you would really like it if he was with you, eventually the penny will drop, its not gonna happen overnight, lots of patience, suggest you find an old pillow, take it into a room where you cant be seen and punch kick beat it sill it does work, i know, cos its what i do pmsl, just dont let the lad know his got to you, you and boyfriend have a right to happiness, he will want it too eventually, i wish you so much good luck, chin up, shoulders back, and off you go with a smile on your face lol Janxxxx

Answer 4

ok,let me start off by saying u must have a big heart to even slightly put up with that crap! with that being said....
usually when 2 grown adults start a seriuos relationship, theye have to get to know eachother in and out, the have to know what true love is and be completly 100% in love with eachother regardless of obstacles! if the guy really feels that u r it n he wouldnt do anything to cause u harm whether it be emotionall or physically! now obviously yall both have kids from another..... love conquers all! if he wants u 2 to work out then he would talk to his son. sounds to me like his son is still too young to be making decisions for his daddy! same 4 u! if he is letting his son make his decisions then ur will always be dealing with 2 little boys! niether can stand on there own n the one who is suppose to be the adult care less if ur happy! im just saying, the right thing to do is for the boyfriend to stand up as the adult father he is n tell his son"who understands" that he is in love with u n things are going to work out no matter how many fits he throw to try n depart u 2 ! were not dealing with infant here you know! if the kid absolutly refuses then the dad needs to tell him that he will stay bacdk with a family member or be respectful n go n be nice! see u 2 r the adults. its hard for the kids to interact with new members as you! but he is a kid. he has no choice...thats his choice....stay with fam or respect n go! if the bayfriend doesnt make any of these efforts then stop waiting for him to change cause it isnt going to happen. matter of fact, its the boyfrinds way out of what u beleive u have! like suxs n is unfait at times but be the better one n leave! like ur not worth more than that? i dont even know u n i know u r!!!

Answer 5

As much as you love you boyfriend, you have to understand that his kid is his own flesh and blood. Women come and go, men come and go but flesh and blood doesn't. This child of his might be doing it purposely the point is he knows he has it like that..

You will really have to talk to you boyfriend about how you feel and tell him it's fine that he can't make it this time but you would like him to promise you that the next time you guys go he might be better off not mentioning it so this way your plans won't get ruin..

And if he says he can't lie/ or keep it from his son then you will have to understand that you will always have a second place in his heart and not be the 1st..

You will have to make a decision to stay with him through thick and thin / until his son becomes of age and stops his nonsense.. or you can move on and find someone without these kind of problems..

I know that I have custody of my grandchild and my hubby is bound to move because he doesn't like the idea that she stops us from going to trips/rides because of her young age, but she's my kids daughter, my flesh and blood, I will never choose my hubby over her, he has to live with the fact or move.. his choice!

Answer 6

a child never makes it difficult to love them. do you find it difficult to love your own children? furthermore, he is 8 years old and the stage of throwing a fit because you cant get your way should have come and gone. your boyfriend. if he really wants to take that trip, should tell his son he has two options
1. go on the trip and have fun
2. or not
he should let the child know that those are his only options and that if he chooses to not go thats okay but that he(the father) intends to go on the trip wether he(the child) goes or not.
maybe your boyfriend really doesnt want to go either and he is using the fact that his son doesnt want to go as an excuse. but if your boyfriend chooses not to go because of the child, you just pack your kids in the car and go and have a great time. let them both sit at home.

Answer 7

How long have you been in this releationship. No one can tell you but you to stay or go. You and your bf need to talk. It sounds like both the son and the ex are trying to sink your relationship. The son has behavior issues and the mother not very good parenting skills. Both the mother and your bf are trying to befriend this child and he needs discipline.

Your bf needs to explain to his ex that the son has 2 choices: go on the trip or stay home with her. They are the parents and they are in charge and control. Time to act like parents.

Go talk to someone, i.e. your minister, or doctor. Ask for their assistance and advice. Possibly having a meeting with an impartial 3rd person involved with assist your bf into seeing how he is being manipulated. Also, that way maybe all 4 adults can have a family meeting with the impartial outsider and come to an agreement on best how to help this child. Family conseling sounds like it is needed, for all involved to make this succeed.

Good luck

Answer 8

The child will always be important in your boyfriend's life. When I was a single dad, I always put my kids first. Especially when they were younger. Talk to your BF and ask him what he expects on both sides. Be honest and tell him that you might be willing to put up with this for a while, but not for the entire relationship. You definitely do not want to marry the guy if he has a child that will hurt the relationship. I would try to find some happy medium. Perhaps the kid needs a shrink.

good luck.

Answer 9

If you love the boyfriend that much, its going to be hard to just drop him. I would suggest that now is the time to let both he and your children know that whether he goes or not, You and your children will not only go, but also enjoy the trip. Be careful here because now you are having trouble with his son, but if the kid continues to control your relationship you may begin having trouble with your kids and that would be much worse. Good Luck.

Answer 10

You note "his Mom won't let him go", so I assume this means she has custody, so it's not clear why it's necessary that your boyfriend hover nearby to be available on demand. It sounds like you've attempted reasonable compromises, that the son goes along with you, or that he can stay if he wishes; the response, "I don't want to go, and I don't want you to go without me either".

If his mother has custody, why does your boyfriend need to hover nearby to please his ex and his son? I can understand and appreciate wanting to be involved in his son's life, but this sounds more like the son (or his mother?) are controlling him. His son is likely jealous of you and your influence over his father ... and, his mother could be too. This sounds like a battle over "who is the most important". In a healthy family, time/affection is shared, but in this case, his son seems to be saying "it's her or me", and your boyfriend is consistently choosing him. If you have been unable to win over the boy --and trying to be his best friend isn't necessarily healthy either, but rather showing that you're not a threat, and have something to offer the boy also -- so that you can fairly share the attention of his father, then it sounds like not much will change, and you need to ask yourself if that's the way you want to live.