My parents are divorced and both re-married. My dad threw a HUGE hissy fit when I told him that I wanted both he and my step-dad (who I've known since I was 12) to walk me down the aisle and told me that it had to be HIM to walk me down the aisle or he wouldn't come. He wasn't even okay with me walking down the aisle by myself. (They're financing $5,000 of the wedding, which is about half, so I have to humor them somewhat).
Because my dad is so self-centered, I know that he would want me to have the father/daughter dance with only him, and I don't want to hurt my step-dad's feelings even more than I already have. So if it were up to me, we would just skip the whole family dance thing all together.
The problem is this: my fiance is an only child, and it would break his mom's heart for her to not dance with him. I can't very well have only a mother/son dance, can I?
What should I do in this sticky situation? Any ideas are appreciated!
2007-10-24 03:26:05 · 17 answers · asked by Mrs.10/18/08 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I bet your stepdad will be understanding if you tell him what your Dad is putting you through.
You can ensure he is listed on your invitations, announced with your mother when entering the reception, etc.
There is nothing to stop you from doing the father/daughter dance first then doing a step-father/daughter dance. If your father is remarried, this would be an opportunity for the groom to dance with your stepmother as a sign of respect as well.
People get so touchy about this sort of thing.
Good luck.
2007-10-24 04:14:45 · answer #1 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell your real father if he wants to act like a child, then he can just decline attending the wedding.
Have the mother/son dance, and the father/daughter dance OR have songs for each, but instead of just them on the floor have the song dedicated to the mom/dad/stepdad.
Have the stepfather who has been there since you were 12 walk you down the aisle either WITH your father or WITHOUT.
I would also try to save up the $5,000 that he is contributing to the wedding. People seem to think if they are ponying up the dough they have a right to have the wedding they want for you, and not the wedding the B&G want.
2007-10-24 11:14:00 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are in a hard place with all of that. Personally I do not think it is fair that your dad is making such a big deal about all of this.
For my wedding we only had a mother/son dance because my Dad was injured. It was a bummer that I did not get to dance with him, but he would have been in so much pain if we had tried to dance. Instead I went and sat with him while my fiance was dancing with his mother.
My only advice to you is to not let your family dictate your wedding. It would be terrible if you looked back on your day and had regrets. Talk to you father and tell him exactly how you feel. If in the end he refuses to show up because he is not getting his way then that is something that he is going to have to live with. My cousin just got married and both her father and her step-father walked her down the aisle even though they do not like each other at all. They also both did the father/daughter dance. Her biological father was the first to dance with her, and then her step-father. It can work as long as everyone is willing to swallow their pride and make it work. Best of luck with this hun!
2007-10-24 03:57:56 · answer #3 · answered by vaya 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a big problem. In my wedding my two brothers will walk me down the aisle b/c i won't feel comfortable with my dad doing it. And i will have my first dance wit my older brother and not my father. I know this will hurt his feelings but my brother has been there for me all my life and my father has not. He isn't paying for my wedding, he doesn't know my middle name. he doesn't even know my birthday but he is the first to brag about all my accomplishments which he did not help me achieve.
With this u have to look in Ur heart. because it is a really hard situation. It is ur wedding and not his. U have to talk to him and compromise b/c ur step-dad has seemed to be in the picture for quite a long time. But in the end it may be best to allow ur dad to walk u down the aisle.
Try this. For the first dance y don't u create a routine where everyone can participate. Start off with u and ur new hubby. Then have ur mom and step-dad join in dancing together, as well as ur dad and step-mom, and ur hubby's mom and dad. Throughout the song switch partners and that way everyone can dance with someone different and u can dance wit ur dad and stepdad and hubby's mom can dance with him. and it will also be a creative and unique wedding tradition to pass down to ur children. Sorry I wrote so much. If i'm not clear email me and i can maybe write it over while taking my time. Lol!
Good Luck and Congrats!
2007-10-25 04:11:29 · answer #4 · answered by Miss. K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure you can have just a mother/son dance. We did exactly that at my wedding last month! However, I see no reason why you can't have a dance with your father....and a separate dance with your stepfather. They obviously are both very important to you.
I think you should still have the two of them walk you down the aisle if that is what you would prefer. Don't let a self-centered man dictate what you do... even if money is a factor. Make some adjustments in the event he chooses to withdraw his monetary offer, but don't give your stepfather and yourself the short end of the stick because of that. Years down the road, the memory of the two of them walk you down the aisle will still be there....the money will not matter! Best wishes... and I know you will make the decision you are most comfortable with!
2007-10-24 03:38:08 · answer #5 · answered by Kim 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Mother/Son: Mama- Boys 2 Men Father/Daughter: Hero- Mariah Carey
2016-04-10 02:20:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what makes you and your FI happy. I say have the mother son dance, have the father daughter dance, but maybe have the stepfather dance after the father daughter. Its what you want to do. Who cares what they want. I know that you dad is paying for a portion, but in the end ask yourself whos day is it??
I plan on doing a seperate song for my stepdad who passed away, just as if he was here.
Ofcourse all my dances i plan on having people join in.
2007-10-24 03:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by Gotta luv it! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At our wedding, we didn't have a mother-son dance, my husband didn't want to do it and his mom didn't care. I didn't want to leave my mom out completely (my dad is deceased) so about halfway through the reception, I had a special song decidated to her and we danced together, along with everyone else. This way, it wasn't a "special dance" with everyone staring at us, but it was still a special moment that we shared.
Maybe you could do some sort of compromise with your fiance's mom. Have you talked to her about it, are you sure her heart would be broken? I am an only child, and my mom really didn't care about it one way or the other. It might not mean as much to her as you think.
2007-10-24 05:00:48 · answer #8 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do what you want, this is your day and your decision. I'm sure your father loves you and will not cause a scene. He needs to be understanding that this day is about the bride and groom not him. Just do this however you feel is right, you could start the dance off with your father and have your stepfather cut in or you could just dance with your father first and dance with your stepfather in a second dance. I'm sure if you just explain what is going on atleast one of your fathers are going to be understanding and if they are not well.....
I feel sorry for you.
2007-10-24 03:34:32 · answer #9 · answered by littlemisscontroverse 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well your dad will always be your dad no matter what. Your stepfather should understand that. Make 2 dances one for your dad and another later on for the step father. To be honest it would be weird if both of them walked you down the aisle knowing i guess that they don't like each other.
2007-10-24 03:32:40 · answer #10 · answered by amberjake1 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋