There's this guy I've been seeing that's ALMOST everything I could ever want in a boyfriend. I have a feeling he's going to ask me out anyday now. I'm 21, he's 24.
He's smart, funny, outgoing, nice, sweet, caring, and RESPECTABLE (hasn't tried anything sexual with me! he just wants to get to know me)
The shallow and b!tchy part is I think that I will say no if he asks me out because I don't find him very attractive. At first, I only saw him as a friend and that was all. But as time has passed, his personality showed and I was able to look past his looks... but I don't know if I should actually become exclusive with him. I'd like to have the looks not bother me, but they do. How can I look past this and see his inner beauty? I really do like him and wish more than anything that I could give him a chance for who he really is... can anyone help? Thanks!
2007-10-24 02:57:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If there is no physical attraction at all, it's going to be hard (if not impossible) to have an intimate/sexual relationship with him. There are a bunch of great guys out there who are everything a woman could ever want, but if the physical attraction is not there between the guy and the girl, it's not going to be easy to blossom into anything more. Unless you can learn to look past his physical appearance, or can accept the way he looks, I don't know that a physical relationship is going to work. I know you feel shallow for feeling this way (I've been there), but we can't control who we find physically attractive. It might be better to just move on.
2007-10-24 03:04:21 · answer #1 · answered by xK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it does sound a little shallow and you should try to give him a chance. When I first met my current boyfriend things started off the same way. He was perfect but I would only be his friend because I didn't know if he was attractive enough. But then the more I got to know him the more I was drawn to him. His personality made him more attractive. I can now they that we have been dating 2+ years and i've never been happier! I now consider my bf a very attractive guy even though at the time I didn't because he didn't have the conventional good looks. Get to know someone for what they have to offer from the inside.
2007-10-24 03:09:37 · answer #2 · answered by sarah b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no future if you're not attracted. You could be friends forever, from this point forward, respecting each other's values as you do. Good friendships come in both flavors. Compare your decision to men's, who also know attraction is a primary requirement, and feel no shame in yours.
When you decline, he will assume without saying so, that it's his appearance. It's not a matter of appearance, it's a matter of attraction. To stay honest with each other, remind him of that. Remind him of low values with good appearance not being an attraction either, and that attraction is on the mystery level of whether you like a ring or not, a fragrance or not, the taste of a spice.
Then hope like hell you made the right decision.
2007-10-24 03:33:28 · answer #3 · answered by Dinah 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't get past that then don't date him. I mean the attraction might come later when you truly get to know each other and you see how great of a person he is, but if you feel that never happening then don't pursue it. Then again, you might be passing up a good thing just because of looks. Really stop to consider this.
2007-10-24 03:04:47 · answer #4 · answered by Vanity Affaire 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...you know what you like visually for yourself personally hun...and if his looks aren't cutting it with you visually and reasonably right now?...they probably never will unfortunately. Surely this guy has the potential of being a great friend my dear,....so don't attempt to lead him on mentally or physically to believe that you desire to be around him for any other reasons. You'll only both end up looking foolish and then eventually ticked off at each other if the verbal and physical communication between you two isn't true and proper. Nobody likes mixed signals hun....not even you sweetie!
2007-10-24 03:12:54 · answer #5 · answered by scott s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you need help for something as simple as this? You have already made up your mind that you like this guy. Now just try to be on your best behaviour when you are with him. Talk to him about subjects both of you find interesting, and divert your mind from his looks. The human mind can't think of contrasting things at the same time. If you only think of how you can be nice to him, you will automatically stop thinking about what you don't like. Believe me, it can be done.
2007-10-24 03:08:50 · answer #6 · answered by Kalyansri 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, it's shallow but at 21 I would expect that.....you have a lot of life and a lot of learning in front of you so don't be too hard on yourself....I can say that you have a positive trait here also...you KNOW you're shallow and would rather not be... I think you'll grow out of it but in the meantime let him down easy, be his friend and don't intentionally hurt his feelings.
2007-10-24 03:03:54 · answer #7 · answered by missyvixen1217 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sure he may be charming and all of that so called perfect but this so called inner beauty must b hard to find like this guy must be a monster but i mean like just get to know him a bit better n he may be good in bed that culd be the inner beauty lolz
2007-10-24 03:03:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You don't have the right feelings to get involved with him. Sounds like a heartbreaker situation for sure. Leave him be.
2007-10-24 03:01:52 · answer #9 · answered by martinmagini 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't beat yourself up over this.
He is probably a great guy.
He just isn't the guy for you.
You can't force it.
2007-10-24 03:06:10 · answer #10 · answered by todd12078 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋