I've asked a similar question before, but the way I've written confuses many, so I've posted a new Q with different aproach.
My English fiance, who I fell in love madly last year when I was in London for an year, came to Japan to propose me this July.
But my successful American ex boyfriend who's my best mate now has asked me to return to him, and marry him, at a similar timing.
He now knows that I have a fiance, but he's my closest person who I can talk anything at all, even criticism, and I feel like I've made a huge mistake.
I'm in love with my fiance, but I've only known him for an year, and he has totally different value in what makes each other happy. I have much deeper love (as a good friend, close to familly) but I'm not attracted to him as much as my current fiance.
I understand how much my fiance loves me, but I can't lie to myself knowing I'd be sayng "what ifs" all through my life...
Is this a sign to cancel my engagement?
Very serious...
2007-10-24 02:54:48 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My best friend was always interested in being with me...I kind of noticed all through out, but was making myself blind because I wanted to stay as a friend, and I didn't fall inlove with him. But thinking about marriage, he is always faithful and loving... I guess I need to sort out what "I" REALLY NEED
2007-10-24 03:57:43 · update #1
Think in simple terms
Whom would you want to wake up with on your 75th birthday.
He's the one you should marry.
To me the waking up thing is huge. When I wake up next to my angel I feel so blessed. He's the one
2007-10-24 06:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by MissE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Attraction fades so I wouldn't use that as the basis for picking one over the other. Who do you most want to spend the rest of your life with? After all, similar values are the most important thing in a relationship. One's outlook on life and what you want from life either causes discord or harmony in a relationship.
That being said--I can't believe that a man who proposes AFTER he knows you are engaged has any true feelings for you. He just doesn't want to lose. He enjoys causing you pain and conflict and has no interest in you as a person (as shown by the fact that he wasn't interested when you were single, nor when you were seriously dating, but only became interested once you were "off the market") but merely is interested in a conquest. He normally dates married women doesn't he? Lose the jerk. You aren't just another conquest.
Why don't you test him? Tell him you broke up with the other guy to be with him. Tell him you'd like to keep the marriage date the same and that you can be married 8 months from now. Tell him how you want to be with him forever and have children together. Now look around and notice that he ran away 10 minutes ago!
Stay with the man who actually IS a man and courted you, then proposed to you.
If you are this conflicted over if you'd rather have a game player or someone who loves you, I'm not sure you deserve that good guy though. If you really don't know, cancel the engagement and allow that English gentleman to find someone who will give him the love he deserves.
2007-10-24 03:53:30 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a great question... Funny because I have been juggling similar feelings myself lately. (not engaged though). I've been with my b/f now for almost two years. We love each other and have a good time together but last week I bumped into an ex of mine that has remained my friend for years now and we spent some time together. After I left him, I realized that what we have is totally different than what I have with my b/f. And it's made me open my eyes to the fact that my b/f, although I truly lovehim, probably won't be able to completely satsify me or make me 100% happy for the rest of our lives.
I guess that's what it comes down to. NOt even which one should you marry, but can you picture yourself HAPPY for the rest of your life with your fiance? If so, do it. But if not, maybe it's not right for you. Don't rush in to marriage just to be married, it won't work out like that. Do it only when it FEELS right.
I hope I've helped, atleast a bit. You have a tought situation on your hands. Good luck love. Take care!
2007-10-24 03:23:51 · answer #3 · answered by .sincerious. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men like playing mind/chase games. Chances are that your american ex is just jealous of you being with someone else, why he didn't propose when you were single??/ Hello???. I can bet that if you cancel your engagement and go back with the other guy, he will not marry you and he will quickly lose interest.
See, men like the chase and he's chasing you, once you go back and start eating out of his hand, he'll become bored with the relationship and you will end up with NOTHING, no fiance and no boyfriend.
Stay with your fiance. He has done good by you and trust me, the grass is never greener on the other side.
Do not marry anyone until you figure out for yourself what is that you want. You are a confused lost soul that is clearly not ready for a commitment with anyone.
PS/ Telephone or email marriage proposals are bulls$h!t. If there is no ring, it's all blah blah blah. Talk is cheap.
Good luck
2007-10-24 03:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely a sign to cancel your engagement. You're not ready to marry either one of them. At this point, you'll regret hurting one, or choosing one over the other.
There is a difference in loving someone and being in love with them. You need to figure out if you love your fiance or are JUST in love. Your ex boyfriend is an ex for a reason.
You need time to yourself to do the soul searching you need to do. Anyone who won't wait for your undivided affection, doesn't deserve you anyway!
Good Luck.
2007-10-24 08:33:54 · answer #5 · answered by Asked and Answered 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay with your fiance. You 2 are both in love with each other. Your ex probably is jealous that you found someone new and is trying to get back with you. He seems more like a best friend than husband material for you. Stay with the guy from London.
2007-10-24 03:00:43 · answer #6 · answered by Charmedmommy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do be gentle and careful, you are playing with these peoples emotions and lives. I would say to you that you need to be fair and straight with both men and come clean about the situation. From your explanation it seems as if you will have "what ifs" hanging over you no matter which person you eventually decide to be with.
Be careful - this could also backfire on you big time and you may end up with nothing. Peoples emotions are a volatile mix at the best of times.
2007-10-24 03:10:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anchor Cranker 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry any of them. It doesn't sound like you really love any of them nor does it sound like you are mature enough yet to know what true love is. When you are truly in love you won't even be able to imagine yourself with another man and the thought of life without your fiance will be unbearable. Stay single and live life a bit, then get married...in a few years.
2007-10-24 07:22:21 · answer #8 · answered by Natty 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, why are you playing games with two different men, at the same time?. You need to back off from BOTH men for awile and get set your priorities straight. Your obviously confused and don't seem to know what you really want. Your dealing with two hearts here and neither deserve to be broken.
2007-10-24 05:45:52 · answer #9 · answered by Oppna to tal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look the best thing i can say to you is that.. girl you have got to follow whats inside you!
there's no point we all telling you what to do and really inside you are unhappy! Take time for yourself, and really look into your heart and discover what is crying inside of you. Then take a step back and really think about it!!!
Good luck and trust me only you can decided what you really want!!!
2007-10-24 03:06:20 · answer #10 · answered by popc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋