Wedding question: upset families? Help please?

Question

So I am getting married in February, and I have a question. We are having a small wedding (75ish people) and we both have very large families, because of this, we obviously couldnt invite alot of people we wanted to. One of the ways we cut people ways we decided to invite no children unless they were in the wedding party or immediate family, and we only invited aunts and uncles but no cousins. In the end we ended up inviting very few (like 4?) because they had been involved in the planning or were very special growing up, etc. Now we have heard different people are very upset and offended because their kids arent invited, or because we didnt invite so and so, etc. I have apologized but they are still hurt. Am I handleing this wrong? We just have alot going on right now and can't afford so many people. I think its about us and not them, but I still feel guilty and they are still offended. Thanks!

I only had to tell like three families their kids werent invited, and two were happy. What most people are upset about is that their adult children (our cousins) arent invited. But we have like 50 cousins each! We are paying for everything ourselves and have so many other expenses right now. And it is a six o clock wedding with the recption immediately following. There will be a couple infants there and of course i did not tell the parents they couldnt bring them, and my fiance has a younger brother and sister so of course they are invited.

Answer 1

Tell them how it is. Weddings are outrageously expensive these days. Every extra person you invite is yet more expense. So tell them straight, if they don't like it, tough. Unless they are each willing to chip in a couple of hundred bucks, they need to butt out.

Answer 2

It really doesn't matter what you decide to do, some members of your family and friends will always ***** about the wedding plans. So you may as well just deal with it. Cuba seems like a weird place to pick, unless there is some significance in that place. But the small reception and a viewing of the wedding video sounds very cool. Just remember this is a day for you and your partner, NOT for your family and friends. If they want a wedding day, they should have a wedding. If your family specifically want something here, then have them pay for it.

Answer 3

WHY DID YOU APOLOGIZE? THIS IS YOUR SPECIAL DAY!

but having said that: maybe you could ask the ones that were offended if they would pay for themselves at the reception?

Also where are you having the wedding? Is the venue big enough to hold more guests?

Children under about 10 can be Very disruptive during a wedding ceremony - maybe they could come to the reception only? - and baby sitting cost are very expensive.

Is your wedding reception formal?
Yes?
then children would do not want to be in formal attire for hours and the hazards of keeping them clean and tidy is an enormous burden on the parents.

Maybe you have done all you can - except pose the question "What would you have changed for your own wedding? (the answer - The guest list cause your family insisted so'n'so to be there? and you didn't know/like them or would have preferred the children - like cousins - instead of the aunts and uncles)

Answer 4

All I can tell you is that I pretty much did the same thing with my wedding 5 months ago. The only children invited were those that I was really close to (there's only 4 of them). My new nephews were not invited and their parents were happy to have a night off. We did invite cousins but most of them are older and my husband was invited to their weddings so it was kind of a given.
In the long run you have to stand by the fact that this is YOUR wedding. As long as you and your fiancee agree who is being invited than just go with it. You can't help it if some people take things personally, especially when you're on a budget. My husbands one cousin wasn't happy that she wasn't invited to bring her 1 year old daughter, but she got over it after a while. And if she had decided not to come over something petty like that it was her problem, not ours.

Answer 5

You cant please everyone it is very expensive to have a wedding maybe you could have a BBQ and have the family over at a later time. My girlfriend had a small wedding of 40 people and I was not invited to the reception only the church and I was taken back by that because she was in my wedding her husband was married once before and for her she wanted an intimate affair once she got married she faded away and so did all her friendhips but that was her choice and she needed to do what was best for her. Are these people going to pay for your wedding once you get into debt. My cousins who I grew up with did not invite me to ther weddings and that was fine. Kids dont have to be invited to a wedding I had not kids at mine not everything and every event should relove around children in the first place. I am proud of you for keep and sticking with a budget and if people cant understand that than they are really shallow. All the best to you e4g

Answer 6

My fiance and I have bigger families but we decided to just invite our closest friends, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. I would understand them feeling upset with your adult cousins aren't invited. You have to figure that only about 2/3 of the people you invite will show up anyway. My parents invited 150 people and even though they invited cousins and extended family, only 90 people actually came to the wedding. Your family is probably hurt because they want to enjoy this day with you. See if you can cut back on something else so you can invite more people. My grandmother is making my gown and my mom is making my cake. We also want to get married at a simple place. To us it's more important that our family be there than that we have the "perfect" wedding and make a big to-do about it.

Answer 7

I think you have handle this is the properer way. For those complaining they are only think of them self's! If they continue to put pressure one you tell them you are having a very small wedding and can not afford for every one to attend! They should understand. Plus most children under the age of 10 get board and have no idea what a wedding is really about anyways.

I had many people complain and whine to me for months .The last straw was a friend of the family told me I had to invite her brother (whom I have meet a few times and never spoken to) I had enough by this point and said" fine he can come if you pay for his meal, drinks, cake, and for the extra table liens, chair covers, and favors. That will be $110.00 Please." Needless to say they got the hint and every one stopped complaining. There a point where you have to put your foot down and say no and if they don't get the hint then you have to spell it out for them.

No matter what you do someone is going to be upset. If they are going to be upset and cant understand they are not the kind, caring people you thought and shouldn't be sharing you special day! You just need to worry about you and your soon to be and what you two want. It is where you two become one.

Best wishes and good luck in planning your day.

Answer 8

I think that you will be fine if you keep the wedding for adults only. I dont know why people would want to bring little kids to a wedding anyway. Its not like its a birthday party, its a friggin wedding. Kids will be super bored, start running around, probably knock something out, get in peoples way while they are dancing, etc. Trust me, it happened at my sisters wedding 10 years ago LOL.

Now, another thing to consider, is that the two of you might have large families, but that does not mean that you are close to all the family members. Only invite those family members that you guys are close to and you know that are not going to be there just for the food and the booze. If there are people who dont understand that you guys are on a budget, then politely tell them that you'd hapilly accept any donations that they might have. That'll shut them up. Good Luck and Congratulations!

Answer 9

They need to stop and realize that this wedding is expensive and you need to budget however you can. I did not want kids at my reception, with the exception of my 5 year old cousin, his 6 year old niece and the 18 month old son of the best man. I was fortunate that this did not cause a problem with others who had children. I addressed their invites as Mr. and Mrs. Smith (and omitted "and family") They all showed up having left their children at home and had a great time celebrating. Eventually they will get over this...after all, you did apologize and there was nothing wrong with the choice you made. They simply need to respect it. If you try to please everyone, you will go absolutely bonkers. Do what you need to do and the rest will fall into place!

Answer 10

You just need to tell yourself that no matter what you do, someone is going to be pissed off at you! Our guest list is going to be between 300 and 400 people and this will be after cutting people from the list. And after the wedding I was at Saturday, I'm so tempted to say no to kids at the wedding (we are not having a flower girl or ring bearer). If people can't understand that a wedding is an expensive affair, then perhaps you need to consider a cover charge at the reception! (okay, so that's a bit extreme and most people wouldn't even consider such a thing, but I recently heard that someone actually did)

*wondering if that Joyce person is one of the many parents who remained in a pew while their kid was being loud and obnoxious Saturday*

Answer 11

If you choose not to invite children to your wedding (especially an evening) that is very much you and your future husband's decision. Yes people will be offended by that, but you (and they) must remember it is not their wedding. In terms of inviting some family and not others, this is much trickier b/c people's feelings will be hurt, not just offended. Maybe it would be possible to reduce your expenses in another arena (bar at the reception maybe?) so that you could still invite those folks. It's hard to say 75 ppl is small to some people, you know! Above all else, remember this is YOUR wedding day and it's about you and your future husband, not all the family drama! Good luck and best wishes to you both.