A gentlemen called me to ask if it would be ok for him to call me sometime to go to lunch or a movie. I know this person from church, and he knows my situation; was married for 17 years and then widowed, with two young children. Anyway, I told him he could call sometime. Well, I don't know what I would talk about! Surely he doesn't want to hear about my late husband, maybe a little on the kids, but for so long my life was with husband and kids, and I'm not sure how to get past that and have an adult conversation with a nice man. I'm more worried about conversation than kissing him. We live in a small town and anywhere we went someone I know would see us, and then I have to worry about the "date" being all around town, then I would have to deal with that gossip. My dearest friend is happy for me. I was just taken by surprise. When you eat with two boys every night, the discussions turn a little gross and strange noises are made. All new to me.
2007-10-24 01:16:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
... well, it is going to be strange for you, because you haven't dated for a long time... i think if it were me, i would try to turn most of the conversation to him... ask about his job, his hobbies (maybe you share the same ones), places you have traveled, or would like to visit, his family, siblings, his school... try to make light conversation and maybe add some humor.... funny things you both did as youngsters at school or to siblings... i could talk for days on that subject .... i probably wouldn't discuss politics (unless you know his views are the same as yours) .. you could discuss some groups from your church since you both go to the same place... there is no need to discuss your late husband at this point .... and if he asks you can answer briefly... same for your children... you should just spend the time getting to know him on a different level first....
... and those snoops in your town.... don't worry about them .. just hold your head high when you go by them laughing and smiling arm in arm with your date... to REALLY give them something to talk about.... you deserve to be happy and if they can't be happy for you... then BAH HUMBUG.....
2007-10-24 01:33:08 · answer #1 · answered by suisse shoggi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do one thing. Read the biggest city newspaper you can get your hands on the day before the date and then let it go.
You'll have the latest news under your belt and so be able to bring up something kind of interesting if the conversation lags some. But don't worry. i'm a serial dater and rarely have to think of things to say. You will find you know far more than you think, that he will likely be nervous too and that if you hit it off he may just find the noises the boys make at dinner the cutest things he's heard all day.
gentle thoughts
2007-10-24 01:25:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get to know her son.If you really like her you have to love the kid as well. He feel left out because you are always with her and maybe he wants some attention. Talk to him, give him good comments in what he does. take interest in him and whats around him. Maybe take them both out, like a family. You cant just think you can have his mother to yourself can you. A kid will do anything to make a man like that out. Because the kid is her life and you just entered. And if you have everything in common then you must find something in common with the kid. If you don't accept the kid then you will never have a perfect relationship. That's the truth.
2016-05-25 10:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk about the food and the atmosphere . I know this must be hard for you I am also a widow or was when I turned 32 and also had two boys to raise . I know what you are going through . Just dont talk about husband unless he asks . talk about your boys anything really other than the hubby . I think you will be alright and most important be yourself . good luck and I hope you have a good time.
2007-10-24 01:24:46 · answer #4 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ya that could be a tuffy, fist off sorry for your loss.I wouldn't worry about the gossip, you have to move on, your still young its good for you so if there is any gossip it should be good. Mabye the first date you guys go on try doing something that does not require so much convo, mabyee a movie or do something fun! Then you can get to know each other better and the convos will come eiser
2007-10-24 01:30:30 · answer #5 · answered by joanna g 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey just totally relax. Dress casually smart and ensure your well groomed. I'd let the talk take its natural course, run on and respond accordingly. As to where to eat in town with all the gossipy ***** females - for inevitably gossip always originates with them - I'd take time out to introduce him to any /all gossips you may bump into.
Also pre-warning him accordingly would no doubt engender his immediate support to actively play his part - & U could have lots of later laughs over that.
I lost my wife just after I turned 40 leaving me with a 13 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. Yes, it took time to keep everything on the track, learn how to be mother, share all sorts of private girlie things with my daughter, most of which in the normal course of events I wouldn't even remotely know about or even consider!
Came the time when indeed a very attractive divorced lady almost 10 years my junior became very interested in me. I'd been introduced to her weeks before at a private dinner party with business associates. At that time she was with her boyfriend. I having a lovely slendour tall attractive 23 year with me, just out of university. Yes - it being my Daughter!
Seems they bumped into each other a few days later and in time became great friends. They still are today, however, my daughter still doesn't call her "Mother"!
Take it easy, be your own self, have confidence, relax and be open with him.
Good luck - hope U eventually find / have all the latent happiness you obviously and so richly deserve.
Children are not a problem when U find someone who cares about you, accepts your children, and takes time out with you in all sorts of ways.
Im sure to this day my Daughter aided and abetted in it. Albeit the 2 women now in my life obviously care for each other - and their "Old-Man"
2007-10-24 02:09:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are right - don't talk about the past! if you need to talk about it, just only 1 or 2 sentences will be enough...
Instead - Talk about what you both like to do. Do you both have common interests? What are you good at? What are you working? do you enjoy your job? If so, why?
Something in this direction would be good building blocks for the next date(s) to come...
Good luck
2007-10-24 01:23:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just relax and think about what you would like to know about him. Ask him questions and the conversation will take off from there naturally. He'll no doubt ask you questions too.
Have fun.
2007-10-24 01:23:54 · answer #8 · answered by tonyend2001 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What ever comes to mind, you guys are old enough and mature enough to talk about each other's past experiences. Weather they'd be good or bad, what you've learned through them, or even what you've learned about yourself through them. Not to say that you need to be in great detail, just stay away from politics for now, and or subjects that need for you to pick sides........good luck
2007-10-24 01:25:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you owe it to yourself to be happy, your late husband would want you to be happy,get out there and just enjoy some company for a change. if it turns out that there's natural attraction between the two of you, the date will look after itself.
2007-10-24 01:22:17 · answer #10 · answered by supersix4_1993 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋