should I let my now17 yr old white daughter date a 19 yr old bi-racial boy?

Question

He's basically a good kid
but he does'nt have a lot of ambition.
I am worried about her as she is too young and naive to see the reprecussions from this and he is not a strong enough individual to help her if anything should go wrong.
Her Dad is furious thats its been going on for so long
I thought they were just friends
She has been seeing him for about a year
Doing anything is going to hurt her so bad.
But her dad is on me to end it
Lay down the law..as he says
But this kid is pretty much all she has going for her as life here is rough.
So what should I do.

Answer 1

You should deffantly NOT tell her to break up with him. The harder you or her father try to stop her from seeing him the closer you will push her to him! As hard as it is she is 17 years old and she has to make her own mistakes and figure out what life is all about. Like you said if you do you are going to hurt her and that will push her away from you she will resent you. So while you still have her talk to her about her goals and hopes for the future make sure she has plenty of ambition, hopes and dreams encourage her to persue them. Eventually he'll either get some goals for his self or she'll dump him because he has no future.

Answer 2

As with most teenagers, the more you don't want them to do something, the more they will do something.

I don't understand why you bring the ethnicity into the quesiton though, as your explanation of the situation really had nothing to do with ethnicity. So something tells me that ethnicity is most likely your real concern (or her father's real concern). If the boy was "white," would you have posted the question only based on age?

First of all, 2 years isn't all that big of a deal - let it go. Secondly, I do understand that it's hard to see your daughter date someone without amibition; however, define ambition - does he have a high school diploma? Does he have a job? Is he going to college? What about him isn't ambitious?

Just teach your daughter about dating safely - no drugs and/or alcohol, safe sexual habits (always use protection), and teach her to have respect for herself. If the bf is someone who doesn't hold a job and sponges off your daughter, then I, too, would be concerned. But please keep in mind that just because a person is bi-racial doesn't mean they are not ambitious.

When you say you are worried she is too "naive to see the reprecussions from this," what are you referring to? Dating in a bi-racial relationship? There are no reprecussions from a bi-racial relationship - there are reprecussions from dating without knowledge and self-respect though, which I've mentioned above.

If all you and her father are worried about is a bi-racial relationship, then my advise to you and the father is to get over it. Seeing a person's skin color and reacting in a negative way can only cause harm. Ignorance isn't something that should be spread around.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I know everyone is on your case because you mentioned the bi-racial part. But, as a parent you are struggling with the fact that this is not who you saw your daughter with. But, be proud that you raised a young woman who can see past skin color. Your husband is telling you to break up this relationship. Most likely, he is telling you to do it because you are closer to your daughter. But, you have to explain to him that trying to break up a young couple only brings them closer together. The more you put him down, the more she will defend him. So, don't go down that road. Since you can't break them up, you have to put a positive spin on this. You say he has little ambition, he is only 19. A lot of boys are late starters. I think that you and your husband have to wait this out. Kids break up ALL THE TIME. You may be getting yourselves all upset for nothing. And, if this should turn into a long term relationship, at least you know your daughter is with a good person who cares for her. But forget the idea of breaking them up. Though, that does not mean you have to love this relationship. Sit your daughter down and tell her how you feel. She may say she likes him, is having fun, but does not see this as forever.

Answer 4

Let them date, if its been going on for a year and he hasent done any wrong by her, then it should be fine? also, what does him being bi racial have anything to do with the dating? ... as for him having not much ambition, he is young, just continue to remind her how much potential she has in her life and continue to support her relationship and encourage her to do new things at the same time.. in time she will realize that she is more ambitious than he or he will become more soo, these things usually have a way of playing themselves out anyway.... its all part of growing up. You cant protect her from everything and this is pretty tame considering what alot of things teens do, so support her decision and try to be involved in her life so she feels comfortable to let her know of other things she is doing. If you get mad at her for essentially doing nothing wrong, she will probably just push you both out of her life, be very very angry and just get closer to the guy as she will feel he is all she has.

Answer 5

I do not see anything wrong with her dating him. Maybe you could talk to him about his ambition and encourage him to follow his dreams. YOU have never walked a mile in his shoes, you no nothing of his home life or what kind of encouragement he has there of if his parents may be sick or in need of help but maybe he just needs a helping hand to get the encouragement . Her father needs a lesson in the fact that he cannot chose who his daughter falls in love with. He will have to deal with himself. I say give it some time. But if you discourage it all you are asking for is trouble.

Answer 6

If the race is the issue then u have a much bigger question to deal with. But from what I hear, the boy does not have much going for him. Here is the deal, if as parents you try to break them up...they will do all they can to see each other and then your kid will resent u for a long time. she is young, she will make mistakes...u are gonna be there to pick her up, and to prevent huge mistakes. If the kids are happy with each other then u need to sit them down and talk to them, either the parents are with them or against them. Pick a side and stick to it.

Answer 7

Sorry but I DONT see why it was necessary to tell us his colour or race.
I dont care if he's black white blue or green.
Thats skin colour and nothing to do with the person.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it would Appear to influence your view on him, and your husbands view on him.

She is 17 and young, he may not be the right one for her (regardless of colour) but u have to let her make her own choices and mistakes.
Its the only way to learn!
Otherwise you'll raise a weak,dependent adult who cant stand on her own feet.

They're very close in age, they care for each other,they're probably in love, why ruin it?
Tell your husband to remember when he was that age...

You say he's a good kid,thats a bonus.How would ye feel if she chose to go out with a drug dealer?
Give this guy a chance.
Many people his age dont know what they want ,he'll get it together in time,most people do.

And anyway u dont want to hurt your daughter,have her resent you and force her to hide things, including him, from you.

Give him a chance

Thats my opinion anyway,take what u like from it.
Paul

Answer 8

This smells of racism...please dont use lack of ambition as an excuse to end the relationship. Would you asked your daughter to end the relationship if she was dating the next Obama Barak? You realize asking her to end the relationship is going to hurt her, you say the kid is good, what is really the problem? I think your husband is mad because he was duped into thinking it was just a mere friendship when in fact it was more. So its ok for them to be friends but not date. I see serious double standards here!

Answer 9

Let them continue with the relationship. If they really like each other they will see each other behind your backs, so "forbidding" the relationship won't do anything. As for the father, tell him that instead of being on your back all the time to end the relationship, he should spend some of that energy trying to end the relationship on his own. At least if it is ended, she won't have you to blame. She will blame you at first, but she's probably just trying to vent, and the blame game will pass.

Answer 10

I totally see your point of view as well as your husbands- its hard for some people to interchange racially- I for one, don't have a problem with them being friends, but I can see how hard it is for people that do that, to become more then just friends- I have a 18 yr old daughter, and told her if she ever did that- don't bother coming home- its all in how you are raised I guess- I believe God made man and woman, and they were both of the same race, which means no black on white, no girl on girl, or boy on boy, or no mixing- keep it pure- Everyone has an opinion- this is mine. As for the boy not having any get up and go, he will learn soon enough, that if he wants something outta life, he has to work his butt off for it- If you don't approve of their relationship for whatever reasons, let her know the truth about why>ex. shes too young, he's lazy, racial issues, life is rough now, why make it harder to adjust- Best of Luck to you and to your daughter- she has to make an adult decision- If she loves him, thats all fine and dandy- but life isn't going to get any better cuz she has a boyfriend that isn't motivated to take a step up in life!