I'm 24 years old and I made the mistake of starting to get to know this really beautiful asian woman. It turns out that she's 25 and Vietnamese. I also work in the same office building as her.
Anyway, I started making some basic dating moves. Over the last couple weeks, we've talked with each other on the phone a couple times and I recently learned she was born in Vietnam, came to America at 19, she has 3 siblings, and lives with her family...
My hope was to date her like a casual American woman, but I know that Asian families are very strict and traditional. I'm not looking for marriage anytime soon. However, casual dating is strongly frowned upon traditionally unless it is specifially meant for marriage...
I know I'm not ready for marriage for at least a few more years.
So what should I do?
2007-10-23 20:12:33 · 13 answers · asked by sharks_n_water 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Asian women have very different attitudes to dating and sex than people in western countries. Describing them as traditional or conservative is not really useful.
It is quite difficult to give you a precise answer. Rather it is a matter of negotiation with this girl. The very concept of a relationship is a negotiation.
She may already be fairly open about relationships or she may be fairly closed about them. Chances are, she is somewhere in between. That is, she will date, but wants a fairly serious relationship.
However, often for Asian women, virginity is highly valued. Which means asian women are not looking to throw away their virginity (though some may be, with the desire to explore life). However once an asian girl has lost her virginity then sex and relationships can become very casual.
What I have said is true of girls from a range of different countries.
It sounds like you have respect for her cultural background, which is a good thing, and it is just a matter of getting together and see where it goes.
2007-10-23 20:26:47 · answer #1 · answered by flingebunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on her & her family. While some Vietnamese family are close-knit, strict & often pick out an appropriate mate for their daughter(s), other families are more "Americanized".
Also there's the "cultural divide" to consider. If she doesn't have a good command of English or doesn't understand American culture that much, that can put a significant crimp on the conversations. Lastly, dating anyone from work or near your workplace can be disasterous if things don't work out.
If she's worth the effort, go for it but make it clear from the start that you're not ready for marriage.
2007-10-23 20:27:50 · answer #2 · answered by george g 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am Asian, and who says that Asian women want to get married as soon as they have a date? :-) Not all of us are like that, especially since we are now pretty modern.
I had an almost 9 years courtship (!) before I got married with my husband. The reasons are : 1. I had to finish my study in the university, then 2. I wanted to work first before I got married (and I worked for 5 years). Finally I got married at 30 yo.
But yes, we are a bit conventional concerning sex before marriage.
So if you ask, what you should do. I suggest that you ask whether you love her or not.
I can wait for 9 years for my husband and vice versa because we love each other and we are serious about our realtionship.
You know, it's not that we dont face difficulties, problems and ups and downs!
2007-10-23 20:23:58 · answer #3 · answered by Matapena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We Asian are just strict if you don't honor your words. The best thing you can do is ask the permission of her parents. They better like it that way so they know who's dating their kids. Optionally, you can give something to her parent, like a gift, don't think it as a bribe but rather a token of appreciation, surely you can win the heart of her parents. And importantly, take her home on time.( We value virginity ). This is America, If you both want sex, it's up to you guys. But if the parent's know your screwing her, your in deep sh#t.
2007-10-23 20:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by crazy4U 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude. Stop with the stereotypes. Do you know that her family feels that way (strict and traditional)??
And whats with this, "you hope to date her like a casual American woman." What in the hell does that mean??
How do you feel when you look into her eyes??? How do you feel when you talk to her on the phone??? How do you feel when you see her at work????
Seperate yourself from the stereotypes and the images created by Madison Avenue and ask her out. Find out who SHE is.
2007-10-23 20:20:54 · answer #5 · answered by The Hard Truth 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her and ask her, she would be the best person to tell you what her family thinks or would react....If you like her, you should give her a chance...there's a way to take a chance on a deserving person and still respect her culture. Ask her! Talk to her and see what sort of input on the situation she has.
PS. If shes putting as much effort into getting to know you than why would you assume the worst....? Stop freaking. :D
2007-10-24 11:44:26 · answer #6 · answered by Macky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her up front how her family would react if she were to date a white American man. Let her tell you if it would be appropriate or not. At least give it a chance, it sounds like you're very attracted to her and have gotten to know her.
2007-10-23 21:41:34 · answer #7 · answered by Wintergirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yah youre right asian woman are very traditional but unless you are out-spoken to her you can try to open up whats on your mind.
sometimes matters make a way if you get the chance to discuss things.
2007-10-23 20:18:10 · answer #8 · answered by dikya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't date her, it'll save the both of you from problems. you said it yourself, both of you have expectations from a relationship enormously.
there's plenty of beautiful women out there if you know you're not ready for marriage.
2007-10-26 16:36:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep distance from that woman. Don't try to spoil your virginity or don't make a mess into her family.
2007-10-23 20:16:16 · answer #10 · answered by JANARVIHARAN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋