psychological mind games being played with you the majority of your life.
then after all that, you hit 30, have never had any of your needs fullfilled, never made any friends, never had a partner, are aging prematurley, live alone, are lonely, have no one to turn to, was sexually abused twice growing up, was bullied throughout high school.......have BPD and PTSD to live with..... never been employed....never had any qualifications....have a long mental health history...was in a mental hospital for 18 months because you grossly over exagerated your problems to get help, they took you seriously, then sent you there.........youve been assaulted by street gangs....had your head split open.....been homeless for a year....have a minor criminal record..
so c'mon......tell me, what is there to think positive about ?
how can i ever at this late stage of 30 with no prospects accomplish my dreams & goals of emigrating and building a new life away from the uk? how can i find love?
2007-10-23 18:53:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
a good job....a fullfilling relationship?
achieve security, happiness, good friends?
how can i think positive and accomplish these
goals when im at a major disadvantage in life?
do people who tell me this, are they laughing
and taking the mick out of me? when they say
'' think positive ''
do they go away behind my back and giggle at me
and my hopeless circumstances?
2007-10-23 18:53:27 · update #1
denise : yes '' wow ''....that is a common reaction....give me something different.....change the record
2007-10-23 19:30:37 · update #2
I suffer from depression, chronic pain and fatigue. I get really down and it makes it tough for anyone who knows me to watch me tumble into another, deeper state of depression. So, I kind of understand what you're going through.
It truly sucks, even with all the medications and doctors and people telling you to 'cheer up' it'll get better. It only does when that black cloud of depression passes and there's a few days I may feel like what I perceive 'normal' people do.
It sounds like you've been through so many bad experiences in your life and I feel horribly for you. It won't all go away overnight and I wish stuff like that would, cuz I wish my stuff would go away, too.
All I can tell you is to stay true to yourself and don't define yourself by the hateful, hurtful people that left scars on your life and well being. When you get a moment, minute, hour, day that you feel good, soak it up and enjoy!
Be good to yourself and do nice things for yourself. Don't wait for other people to do it for you, because it rarely happens. Take care of number one: YOU.
If you take medications be sure to take them everyday, even if you think you feel better and don't need them. The reason you feel better is because the meds are likely working.
If you see a therapist be sure to keep those appointments because they are for the you you want to become. If you don't like your therapist then shop for a better one. You deserve the best.
If outsiders are ruining things for you. Get rid of those people and only keep people in your life that make you feel good about you and you truly feel good about. Shutting out bad influences and hurtful or mean people is a good thing. You deserve good things!
Save your money and find a place that makes you feel good and make it your own. Only bring people into that place who treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve.
Save your money and buy yourself something nice each month or payday. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive because the smallest things can bring joy.
You are your own best friend and you deserve to have only good people around you.
As I write this, I am trying to convince myself of these very things and I know, from experience, how tough it is. I am practicing at it, too. I recently stopped taking calls from a so-called friend who made me feel bad about myself or wanted to argue all the time or had to be right all the time. Talking to this woman drained me, so I stopped calling her and don't answer the phone when she calls. She got the message and I feel much better for it.
It took a lifetime to feel like this, so it will take work and time to reverse it. I don't know if any of this helps, but please know that you're not alone. We're out here too and feel lousy and betrayed and hurt and it's no fun.
2007-10-23 19:52:14 · answer #1 · answered by quisp007 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wont tell you to think positive, because at this point your attitude seems to be that thinking positive is impossible. You're not too old to accomplish your goals and dreams in life. You still have half of your life to live...after all that **** that has happened to you, imagine turning that around, and doing the things you always dreamed of doing, and shoving all that bullshit into your abusers' faces. Do not let your bullies, abusers, criminal records, assaultants, and all the other people who brought you down win. You have the power and the strength to turn your life around. It wont be easy. Itll be hard as hell, but once you start doing the things you love, the things that make you happy, the things that make your life seem worthwhile, it will be worth it. What kind of job do you want? How can you get it? Can you take online courses, get your GED? There's many options I'm sure for you, just keep your eyes open and your head high, because theres many people who would kill to see you fall. Prove them wrong.
2007-10-23 19:21:20 · answer #2 · answered by good_morning_sunshine 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, it sounds like you have gone through a lot. I am sorry you haven't had a lot of positive experiences in your life yet. There is still time. Do you know of a good church you can go to for some counseling or prayer? Talking to someone may help and being around positive people that will lift you up should help. Hope you will give it a try. God Bless You
2007-10-23 19:28:19 · answer #3 · answered by Neecie D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have borderline personality disorder & refractory depression w/ anxiety. I'm only 25, with a four year old plus another one due in a month.
I've been on almost every anti-depressant, anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety, mood stabilizer, and sleep aid that exists, and NOTHING works. I've seen a psychiatrist and therapist for 16 years, & been hospitalized 7 times, and it still doesn't work. I see my therapist once a week and my shrink once a month.
I am WANTING to have electroshock therapy after I give birth.
I am sorry to say that I don't have any advice, but I just wanted you to know that I UNDERSTAND how you are feeling and that you're not alone. Living w/ BPD is living in hell. In BPDers medication doesn't always help. I agree with the Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I tried it, but had to drop out, and I'm wanting to try it again. However it only works it you APPLY it and it is also a lot of work & it's long term therapy.
I completely understand & share your negativity! It is so easy for these other people to say ''cheer up'' "chin up" "look on the bright side" "quit feeling sorry for yourself" ect ect but they have no clue what we go through and that as BPDers we don't HAVE control over out emotions. That's why BPD is also called Emotional Regulation Disorder. No body knows what you've been through, the trauma you've had to endure and the pain you feel, so it's easy for them to say those things.
Marsha Lineham (the lady who created DBT) stated that "People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement."
Good Luck hun.
2007-10-23 23:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really hate to tell you this. If you don't create a new life no one will. I know how awful you life has been and it is really a shame. But again you can find the strength to do more than survive. You have a wealth of possibilities. You can create any life you want. If you want to be poor, you can create that. If you want to have stuff, money, a good job, and friends you can create that also. I am not going to do it for you. And no government plan will help you get what you really want and that is you. You need to love yourself and move on. It ain't easy, but no one ever said it would be.
2007-10-23 19:02:29 · answer #5 · answered by LDB449 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just chin up and tell yourself that you CAN do it. First step, clean yourself up and get yourself a job, even if it is a low level job, it's a start. After you've got a job and a source of income (that you created) you'll begin to feel a little bit better. Next step start working on yourself, instead of telling yourself that you are worthless, tell yourself that you are worth something. Maybe start exorcising and eating healthy. After that things should be starting to look up, and you'll be on your way to accomplishing those goals that at one time seemed so far away. Don't just sit on your a55 and feel sorry for youself all day, get up and start taking control of your life. No one can make you think positively but yourself.
Good Luck!
2007-10-23 19:29:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
my experience is not so different from yours and i have what i currently have only because i'm on a government disability. for the most part, i hate my life because i feel like i got ripped off. i never asked for this. however, i do have moments where it's tolerable. usually it's because i've turned away from myself and focused on others because it helps me forget my own problems at least in the short term. as far as having everything you ever wanted - moving, relationship, etc? i think the best way is small steps AND to look very carefully at whether or not you're sabotaging your own attempts. allow yourself to be okay with the small things. if you were feeling horrible and yet managed to get up in the morning and out the door - that's important. all of those small things start to add up. and when i get really discouraged, i look back at where i've been and try to be grateful that i'm not there anymore.
2007-10-23 19:19:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can think positively by just doing something positive and thinking about it. First you can forgive from the bottom of your heart and soul all those who have wronged you, humiliated you, brutalized you, ridiculed you and made you suffer. Then think about what that means; it means you have started out on a new life with all the old hurts done away with and a bright new future that you have dreamed about ahead of you. Think about it all the time and don't dredge up any more the memories of all those bad things.
GOOD LUCK IN YOUR LIFE, GOOD MENTAL HEALTH, PEACE AND LOVE!
2007-10-23 19:35:06 · answer #8 · answered by Mad Mac 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hang on, and hang in there! It CAN and DOES get better if you're willing to go through the hoops for the HELP that IS out there!
From the sounds of things, you are receiving governmental assistance. There are several places across the U.S.A. that offer D.B.T. as part of their "public" Mental Health Departments. D.B.T. - Dialectical Behavioral Therapy - has a wonderfully high success for BPD - one of THE most difficult Disorders to effectively treat. ... And one of THE most painful to live with.
I don't want to sound like a "commercial", but I soooooooo believe it could give you A LIFE WORTH LIVING if you chose to seek professional DBT-type help ... start by asking your CURRENT psychiatrist about what programs are available to you.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN WHAT YOU ARE FEELING, WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH. PLEASE KNOW TOO, THAT THERE IS HELP. ... Check out the words of encouragement that have already been sent to you in this "thread". ... And "shine-on" the "nay-sayers" ...
One who is finally learning to have A LIFE WORTH LIVING at age 48.
P.S. : You see, Dearest, if I can do this at my age, you certainly can do it at yours! ... YOU GO, GIRL!
2007-10-23 20:26:20 · answer #9 · answered by waryir77 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hey!!!
i think there is no fucin way....
i was abused in junior and juniorhighschool and there is a consquensis on me...
i don't thrust to no one any more....
i dont have friends in highschool, becouse girls afraid me becouse i wear blac all the time....
offcorse i am much better than in that time....
so the only way is time...
time can cure yo, but bring more suffer ...
i just can tell, the persons who started distroy thair own lives, or person who's life been destroyed by others ,... will always suffer or become criminals, abuses, lonly and stuffs.....
sorry on my english i am japanese!!!
2007-10-23 19:03:02 · answer #10 · answered by Paradox 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋