How do you answer politely a question like these?

Question

Someone asks you a question in polite conversation. Your honest answer is clearly different than the asker expects. For instance, a distant relative says something like "Aren't you happy to be able to stay home with the kids?" when you're simply at home after losing your job.

Or a family friend asks "Is it good to be back in Vermont after all those years away for college?" when living in Vermont is your absolute worst case scenario ever and you're ready to rob banks to get money to move away.

Or some well-intentioned soul says "You look great. You've lost so much weight. What's your secret?" when the reason for your weight loss is a serious health problem.

How do you handle such situations tactfully? Is it better to lie to make people comfortable? Or to tell some gentle version of the truth?

Oh! It's a general question. I'm neither sick nor an unemployed stay-at-home nor am I even a citizen of the great state of Vermont. But thanks for your concern. : )

Answer 1

Keep your answer light. You don't have to tell everyone everthing you know. You can usually figure out something that is truthful that will answer the question without telling a lie.
1) Yes, I just love spending time with the kids or playing games or whatever
2)I missed my parents (or friends) when I was away at college or White Castles or whatever. . . .
3)Thank you. I've just not been eating as much. . .
Polite answers for polite conversation. The truth is for family and friends and those that are there to help you. The rest just don't need to hear it. . .and probably don't want to.

Answer 2

Since the question is general, I have one very good answer for: "Aren't you glad to be back in Vermont". I had the same situation after long visits overseas, when I returned and actually my priest suggested, "I missed you all very much" or " It is good to see you (or whomever) again after a long time"., and then go on with the conversation like you had answered the question.
Losing weight: maybe cut them some slack, and just say thanks. They are trying to be nice, and maybe you do look WELL and happy, even though you have been sick.
As for your first situation, I'd say be honest. "No,I prefer working and will find another position soon, I hope." If they don't take that hint and pursue the issue, then just continue to be honest. I don't see any need in ANY of the general questions you present to feel offended, or that you should have any reason to feel the need to be less than polite.

Answer 3

First, I do not think that telling an out right lie is great for any situation. Second, people who engage you into small talk or the usual "hi, hello, how are ya?" conversations really do not want to listen to your woes and complaints about life in general. When asked such questions, polite simple answers are best... and usually you can fire a question right back at them which steers them towards other topics. That and people usually like talking about themselves. ( I know I do! *smile*) Such as, "Oh yeah.. I really enjoy hanging out with my kids... speaking of children.. how is so-and-so?" Or "Thanks, I guess I have lost some weight... but you look nice...that is a nice sweater.. (or ..whatever.)"

Sounds like you might be having a bit of a hard time... I hope this might help maybe a little! Good luck.

Answer 4

Words can be hurtful,misleading,deceitful,lack of knowledge,etc.
live for yourself not other people. By the way I love the entire
NorthEast of the USA.Especially Maine.I go through so much hassle as I travel the USA and the Carribean after 911 just because of my looks.Before 911 I was treated like a king.
I am still the same person Mohamed.
Peace to you and the entire world
Mohamed

Answer 5

so which you have had a toddler lacking and would understand the words you will say???? I had a housebreaking and shouted Oh my God they have been by means of my living house.......first reactional words, did now not rather understand what i became asserting. A unmarried guy or woman became convicted at a later date. Now if there were no conviction would I even have been grilled because of fact I appeared to understand (and it became in easy terms preliminary reaction) greater beneficial than one guy or woman had entered??? do now not understand if the McCann's are harmless are responsible yet digging airborne dirt and dust right that is amazingly some rot.

Answer 6

The problem is that they are making assumptions, not thinking that you might have a different opinion.



for the first 2, i think i would go with 'that's how i feel come of the time."

For the last on e - i would go all out and tell them the illness, followed by a non-hostile commment about 'not all weight los is a sign of health."


but that is just my personality. i don't like questions that assume a given response. they remind me of how some adults talk to children.

Answer 7

I hear ya on this one. The best thing to do in situations is smile (and it DOESN'T have to be a "sweet" smile..just a simple one) say "yes" and drop the conversation with them/change the subject. This should keep the debate/argue hounds at bey.