Uncomfortable....?

Question

My in-laws are Pentecostal and I am not. Nor do we go to any church, nonetheless we are good people. We do not drink, smoke or party by any means. I am a stay at home mother of 2. Anyways, I feel very uncomfortable around my in-laws. I wear full face make-up, wear shorts and tank tops in the summer, and have my hair cut off in a short (but cute) hairstyle. They have accepted me, but I know that they are thinking otherwise. They will talk of others right in front of me about women having mens haircuts and they look like hussies in make-up and revealing clothing/provocotive colors. It's hard not to be uncomfortable when they may as well just say it to my face. They invited us the church once (my hubby grew up there and is no longer attending anymore) and I felt so out of place. The preacher talked of women wearing pants and so forth. That is the last time I attended. I think they have made themselves clear. I think they are disappointed in my hubby for not marrying one of his own.

They keep inviting me to church, but I feel as if they are trying to make me look stupid. I think that if they make me feel stupid long enough, I will convert? I'm not sure what I am asking here...but should I just get over this? My husband does not want to get them upset, and he tells me to ignore it and tell them no thank you on attending church. It is mainly his father that does the picking on me. I myself believe that you can ask a person just once to attend with you, and leave the invitation open. Don't keep pestering you know. So anyways, some may say I feel uncomfortable because I am "wrong" but I do not believe that I am. I am conservative with my appearance. It's just the whole situation making me uncomfortable. Should I just ignore this all?

Answer 1

I don't think you're wrong either. You're a good mother and a good wife to her son, and you don't need to prove that you are to her, or anyone else. Your husband is right, you should just ignore them...but before you do so, you need to tell his mother that all though you appreciate her asking you to go to church, you'd rather make your own decisions as to how close to God you get. Your relationship with the Man upstairs in my opinion a very personal thing. I never go to church, but that's because I prefer to pray in complete privacy. How you dress, how you wear your makeup and have your hair are the reasons why your husband married you. He married you because you are different....different from them. Look, there are ways of telling people to back off nicely. Some people just need to know their boundaries, and I feel that if you politely but confidently draw that line, she'll stand behind it. If church isn't your thing, I don't blame you for not wanting to go. When you don't fit in, you don't fit in...doesn't mean you're a lesser person. **just between you and me, i feel they're somewhat brainwashed, and sometimes the most hypocritical anyways** Good luck.

Answer 2

You have to lay down the law with these people, and of course, your husband has to back you up. You have to tell them straight to their face that you do not share their beliefs and they must learn to respect that if they are going to continue to be included in your family life. You have to tell them that their comments about women's appearances haven't gone unnoticed and they are not appreciated and will not be tolerated. Tell them while you respect that they have their own beliefs, you expect them to give you the same respect. Then, you have to follow through. Anytime they broach the subject of church you curtly repond that the subject has already been discussed and it is not up to further debate, and anytime they make a rude comment, you tell them it is time for them to leave (or for you to leave... if you are at there house) and end the visit. After a few visits that end in these results, they will probably get the message. If they don't, cut off ties to these people. Tell your husband he can visit them alone, but they are not allowed in your house.

Answer 3

First a few questions...Does your husband stand up for you? How does he feel about the way you dress and wear your hair? He is the one to please after pleasing yourself.You say your husband doesn't attend a church anymore...are they blaming you for his lack of attendance? Your in-laws are out of line with their behavior but they are not in asking you to attend church with them. If you truly do not want to go to church with them you should just tell them straight out and your husband needs to be with you when you tell them. I understand their feelings of wanting you to know God and to have your children grow up with faith. Pray to God and he will guide you.

Answer 4

You can only put up with it for so long. Tell them what they believe is not what you believe and if they truly cared about their son, they would stop this childish behavior.

Answer 5

read the Bible.....God looketh not upon man as man looketh upon man ..for man looketh on the outward appearance but God looketh upon the heart....
forget where this is but remember the verse well......
God bless