I prefer the long story type, but short jokes are good too. Just wanted to send him something to cheer him up and make him laugh.
2007-10-23 16:07:36 · 18 answers · asked by Amber S 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
What is the time?
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
I don't know if that's really funny, but I thought it was cute.
2007-10-23 16:29:49 · answer #1 · answered by . 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband joined the Natioanl Guard? Whats that the Philippino division?
2007-10-24 00:07:01 · answer #2 · answered by honesthustler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boot-camp = Marines so
A patrol of Marines were walking north along a road in Iraq when they spotted an terrorist laying in the ditch all busted up and unconscious, about the same time they spotted a Marine all busted up laying in the opposite ditch. The Medic's started working on them and the patrol leader came up to the Marine who was still able to talk even tho he was still in a great deal of pain and ask him what had happened. Well the Marine said, I was scouting ahead going north up this road when I spotted a terrorist coming south, just about the time I spotted him he spotted me and we both took cover in opposite ditches.
First I yelled at him the Saddam was a low life scum bag that got what he deserved, then he yelled back that Ted Kennedy was a fat drunk left wing radical that cant drive, well then I yelled back that Osama dresses like a cold hearted frigged lesbian, then he yelled back so dose Hillery Clinton.
Well there we were standing in the middle of the road shaking hands when this truck came by and hit us.
2007-10-23 23:37:11 · answer #3 · answered by Greg P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
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To get to the other slide.
Two best friends loved the game of baseball so much that they made a pact: whichever friend died first would come back and tell the other friend whether or not they play baseball in heaven.
They grew old and eventually one of the friends passed away. He came back as an angel to visit his old buddy, who eagerly enquired, "So tell me, do they play baseball in heaven?"
The angel replied, "well, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is they do indeed play baseball in heaven."
"So what can be the bad news?', his friend asked.
The old friend answered, "The bad news is you're pitching this Friday."
2007-10-23 23:27:03 · answer #4 · answered by I am, I said 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look up jackass jokes on the web, got many a mirth line on there.... try this one for size
A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking
a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome
light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver's seat reading a
computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting.
He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up,
obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked,
"And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's knitting
a sweater."
Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?" "I'm nineteen,"
he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said,
"Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."
2007-10-23 23:13:35 · answer #5 · answered by lobzstar 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go on line and type in jokes you will be inundated with all kinds of websites for all kinds of jokes. Good hunting
2007-10-23 23:11:13 · answer #6 · answered by mickkooz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a simple i love you should make him smile lol im just kidding ok here's the joke The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag...
"When his eyes fell upon Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart."
Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie!"
2007-10-23 23:17:49 · answer #7 · answered by anastasia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there was this blond out in the middle of a field in a row boat jusp paddeling away... A blond stopped her car and hollard out to the other blond and asked her what she was doing? The blond in the boat said she is rowing the boat to town.. The blond in the car said, you give blonds a bad name... And if I could swim I would come out there and kick your butt!!!
2007-10-23 23:13:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay,
Ask him why the three legged dog went back to Dodge City.
It was to find the fellow who shot his paw.
Also there are web sights devoted to jokes. Check them out! :-)
2007-10-23 23:12:50 · answer #9 · answered by Jann 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, he might like funny Ebay auctions. There is a list of funny auctions at http://www.hilariousauctions.com
2007-10-23 23:11:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋