I have been living with my girlfriend for 8 years now and we have 2 children together. last week, while laying in bed together, she told me that she loved me but she wasn't in love with me and wanted to split up. She then told me that she wants to be friends and nothing more. This has crushed me as she and the girls were my life. Earlier today, She told me that I didn't have to move out of our home. If I want, she will move out and leave the children with me. I don't know what to do. I love my children with all my heart and I know they will have a better life with me. I am looking for advice as to what I should do. She has also told me that there MIGHT be hope for us later but she doesn't know what she wants yet. Does any one think I should stay true to my heart and wait or should I open myself to others.
Please help me.
2007-10-23 15:28:26 · 15 answers · asked by tsmoreland324 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have asked here to marry me twice and we were engaged for the last 6 years but every time i got a date booked at the church and paid the deposit, she canceled.
2007-10-23 16:00:36 · update #1
I'm sorry...
First of all... honestly, love never ends... correct? So the real question is CAN you move on and open yourself to others? If you can... maybe you might want to try and see if anyone can make you feel happy again and have the potential of being someone you'd really like to be with. They are great people out their besides your wife. She can't claim to love you and then not want to be with you, that's basically like saying i really like rabbits but i find it funny to shoot them (okay that was a sucky example, sorry.) She sounds unsure of how she feels, and why would you want to wait for a woman who is probably going to go out there herself and meet new people? She seemed to THINK she was in-love, but she was wrong. If you do decide to take her back if she comes crawling, i would suggest really thinking about it... because i for one know that i could not handle that pain again if she felt like she was confused about her feelings and left once more.
I would suggest maybe having a night out with some buddies of yours, or going and visiting your parents. Have some fun, and just ESCAPE. Go do your favorite hobbies, but don't get into the habit of letting work be the only thing that distracts your mind from your wife and your depression, because it will just put more stress on your shoulders. I know a lot of people who have gone through this sort of thing (my mom) and they relyed on work to be the solution of her escape... now here she is working all the time and never having fun.
As to your daughters, maybe you might want to let her have them for a while... just so you can calm down and get back on track. If keeping the daughters will be better for them and YOU would personally like that idea, then go ahead.
But the most important advice of all, is to follow your heart. If you believe your wife is just mistaken and confused... and you have hope. Then don't give up! It all comes down to YOUR decision, and hey... where it could lead nobdoy knows. So really think about it.
2007-10-23 15:47:05 · answer #1 · answered by Goose Feet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she thinks there may be a chance later, that would inidicate that she still cares for you. I would suggest couples counseling. Very often women spend most of their lives trying to be everything to everyone and they don't take the time to find out who they truly are and what will make them happy. From what you say, it sounds like this is what's going on with your girlfriend.
If things have been pretty OK up til now and she's just not sure what she wants for herself, a good counselor can help you both explore what would be best for her. It may be that there are some adjustments needed in your home life or she needs to learn how to communicate her needs to you more clearly. There may be things that you're doing that you're not even aware of that are upsetting her or making her feel constricted or even invisible. You couldn't know that unless she's able to communicate clearly.
Many women fall into the trap of identifying themselves as Mom, lover, wife, daughter but they lose all sense of themselves as an individual. Talk to your girlfriend, tell her you want the best thing for her and ask her if she would be willing to go to counseling with you to try to figure things out. Tell her you're willing to make whatever changes are necessary so you can both have the life you want. See what she says. She may reject the idea at first but hopefully, after thinking about it, she'll realize it can help.
If she chooses not to go that route, all you can do is try to keep things as cordial as possible with her for the sake of the kids and both of you move on to rebuild your lives. Definitely try counseling first.
2007-10-23 22:55:42 · answer #2 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but your girlfriend sounds selfish. She is not a fit person to bring up your girls, so keep them and the house. She does't know what she wants and thinks the grass is greener, but ust incase lets keep you dangling as a fall back. Take some time out to be a good dad, they need you more than ever now. See how life looks in 6 months, and if your gf comes crawling back, let it be on your terms, not hers.
2007-10-25 08:29:09 · answer #3 · answered by kazbeth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel the kids are better off with you, and it sounds that way too, then take custody but do it legally. She sounds very unstable right now and could change her mind. Get it legally done to protect your kids.
As far as moving on or wait that will be up to you. Sounds like it is over and if she does change her mind she will likely change it again. But don't be in a hurry to jump into relationships or even date. Just move on and focus on the kids. They really need you right now. There will be plenty of time to date in the future.
2007-10-23 23:12:02 · answer #4 · answered by tab 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am sorry to hear your heart is broken. But as a mom, I would NEVER leave my children. So really, what kind of person is she? If she wants to leave, let her go. But also tell her once she is gone, she can't be using you as a doormat whenever things don't work out otherwise. Also, she cannot skate in and out of your life with kids involved. That is totally unfair. I would say hit the road beotch! Edit: Marriage is not going to fix things.
2007-10-23 23:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by andmic510 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well its good that you can live at home with your children and she moves out, but i dont see anything going to happen between the two of you, has she has let you down so many times in the past. how can she leave the children? i could never leave mine like that! i would stay put and look after your children if you love them dearly, they will be upset about you spliting up, they will need extra love from you now.
2007-10-24 00:24:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her what's the problem / what's wrong with you and see if you can do something to save your relationship.
If she is in love with someone else, then you should keep the house and children and let her go. You should move on and never take her back. A cheater will cheat again.
2007-10-23 22:52:30 · answer #7 · answered by Littlestar 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Heya Hunny_X_
Ive just finished with my boyfriend of 3 years and 9months,as i dont feel in love with him anymore.Ive broken hes heart but why should i live to keep him happy when infact hes making me misable.
Hes still living with me as a best friend but hes driving me nuts.Love is evil love turns into hate.
Im sorry about this,if you can give them a better life then you keep them babe,but its weird because if i have kids ill never let them live with the dad i wouldnt be able to.Sounds to me she wants to be free again.
Give up on her babe_Theres no hope round the corner.Hope you find love and happyness again.Goodluck_X_
Yeah she proberly has met someone else because i met a guy at work and fell for him and thats a ig part of me relising i didnt love my boyfriend anymore_X_
2007-10-23 22:36:06 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ Bαявιє Dσℓℓ ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No, i seriously think you should take some time out for yourself right now and your kids. no need to move on and stay true to soemone who was probably and still is sleeping behind your back. she took the easiest way out she could think of and i think your better off for it. believe me any woman who wouldn't want to take hher own flesh and blood with her when she leaves her husband something is sneaky about that. she doesn't deserve to have you wait for her let her move on and you do the same.
2007-10-23 22:50:13 · answer #9 · answered by cutie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if u realy love her u should of married her by now(srry to sound mean)doesnt matter if u cant pay for a good ring as long as it comes from the heart
2007-10-23 22:48:16 · answer #10 · answered by jkhfkjsadhkj k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋