If you would please, I would appreciate some guidance and advice?

Question

In the past, I've had a few experiences that filtered my feelings of trust and caused me to build up this wall.

Five or six years ago, when I stayed home from school one day because I had a cold. My mother had our neighbor over to fix something around the house. She said she had to see him out. My mother was married to my [ex] step father at the time, and my neighbor was married with children. When I didn't hear voices, I got up to go look for her, and I saw them kissing in the entrance of the front door. I remember how everything changed that day with how I viewed my mother. She had me promise to keep quiet. I felt betrayed for some reason. I felt that, if I could not even trust my mother, whom I had thought was an amazing role model until that day, who could I?

My father has disappeared from my life, and I can't even get upset with him for it. I've lost many friendships.

I feel selfish for complaining. I know I'm lucky in many aspects, and that many people have the same problem.

[Con.]

I would like to try to take down my wall for people. It has stopped me from being in relationships, from forming friendships, and from growing as a person. I just don't know where to start.

If you could offer any insight, I would deeply appreciate it. ^_^ Please regard me kindly.

Answer 1

Its normal for you to feel this way. When someone you love alot and trust alot breaks that code of trust it feels as if everything has ended. but you have to remember that every one is human and we all make mistakes that someday we regret. Its all human nature but u have to realize that not everyone is going to betray your truth, that doesnt mean you should trust everyone blindly but just trust someone when you feel like you can. Sometimes its better to forget the past and move on in life. yes we do learn from the past but it doesnt mean we should always think about it. let go of the past, and live for the present, then you'll be able to fully enjoy life.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry you have to be in this type of situation. Don't let that one experience affect the rest of your life though. You should try going to therapy. I know what you're probably thinking. But you should really look into it. And maybe later after you have made progress, your mother could participate as well. That way you can work on your issues with her and be able to get a response by her being there. If not therapy you should definately talk to your mother and let her know how she made you feel. You wouldn't believe how finally getting something off of your chest can help. It could be a freeing experience for you.

Answer 3

it's just all about knowing who to trust; who to befriend, who to share what with. you can't trust all your friends with all the same information; i know it sounds funny, but it's just the way it is.
if you have to, start new. try befriending all new people. it's easiest- and safest- to trust people who have been through the same stuff, which generally means they're into the same stuff as you. when something bad happens, what's there for you? when you're friends just don't understand, what medium do you use to express how you feel? music, painting, drawing, sports, even? whatever it is, find people who are into it the same thing; they'll generally be more understanding.
you just have to trust your gut is all. it will never be wrong.
and from there, the wall will naturally, slowly come down. it just takes a little time is all.

& you're not selfish. you're trying to be happy, and if other people could, they would. take comfort in the fact that it's not too late.

so i hope things get better! if you need to more help, we're all here to give you guidance :)

Answer 4

ITs so hard to give advice cause it seems to easy to do this and yet doing it is another thing. first of all. its not your fault she was fooling around there are some people int his world that cannot be true to some. its not everyone like you must be thinking. everyone has their own ideas of marriage. you can meet people slowly one at a time and you will see not all think like her. this is just one person in a million. its just sad you had to see this and she brought you into deceiving. well there are times when you must be quiet and this was one. it wasn't for you against you but it sure wasn't good for you. but you have learnt the wrong side first. now that you know what you dont' like be aware of it and when you meet people have a n open mind. you will someday find the one you are to marry and you will be cloer then ever i am sure because if you communicate and talk thee will be no problems that is what helps talking things out and working things out.your mom never learnt this or cared to learn this. she was full of fun and just messing around this is not you and you have already decided what type of person you will be which is good. dont' tlet them lie you down becaus e of her actions they are not yours. this should help. you meet people and get moving and slowly you will see there are so many people out there and they are nice and sme will be true friends and there will be some that you right away can tell not to trust and those are the ones to stay away from it a learning tool for you and now it s the time to try your wings and move on and into a happy life good luck

Answer 5

Have you ever heard the saying that one way to be close to another is by being open? Let your guard down to people you feel comfortable with. Don't think about the risk that you would be betrayed if you do because we all are susceptible to that. You'll never be able to build a good relationship with anyone if you will continuously clutter your mind with past misgivings. You don't need unnecessary grief. Work for your own happiness because no one else will do that for you.

Answer 6

your situation is somewhat natural because i know a lot who had the same with you.. if i were you, don't think your situation too much, just go on wit ht your life and remember that sometimes life really goes on that way.