i need help badly. i just hurt da love of my life with my jealousy. I dont kno how 2 explain it...i ***** wenever she leaves da house even 2 a girlfriends house. I get mad wen she talks about exs. Lil stuff makes me worried 2. i dont kno how 2 get rid of dis jealous behavior. She's cheated before but only bcuz i drove her dat way & pushed her away. Please i dont kno wut 2 do besides counselin & i dont hav much money 4 counselin right now...
2007-10-23 14:26:42 · 20 answers · asked by Joshua P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hmmm just deal with it or get some help. gosh. lol you might start getting abusive if it goes overboard...hurry before she dumps you!
or calmly explain to her that you don't like her talking about her ex's and stuff. she should understand
2007-10-23 14:30:07 · answer #1 · answered by mnmz4lyf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off she cheated becaue she does not give a blankety blank about you. Take a read over my post..
Romantic jealousy stems from the desire to protect your relationship from outside influence and a desire to minimize the chances that your significant other will have to create that same connection with another person on purpose or by accident.
People label it insecure because you should trust the person not to be dumb or insentitive enough to do this but people frequently don't live up to the trust that they want. They seek attention from people of the opposite sex and neglect to give that attention to thier partner, they say that the partner who is jealous is "crazy' because some people in relationships (maile and female) want the freedom to "test the waters" and flirt with people of the opposite sex and see if there is a spark and ensure that they made the right choice. If there is a spark they just neglect relationship #1 until it diesand start relationship #2. Sometimes these people are ALWAYS looking for the bigger better deal. There is nothing wrong with being worried about this behavior. All relationships have boundaries and if one partner does not respect them then that can cause the relationship to dissolve.
Jealous- You and other a few opposite sex co-workers went out for lunch at a cafe and talked and came bak to work.
Out of bounds- The co-worker that you keep commenting on about how nice they dress and how good they smell keeps calling you at home and you just never happened to mention you are in a relationship because "it didn't matter" but it would it you told them.
Jealous- An opposite sex co-worker gives you a ride home.
Out of bounds- You and a co-worker go out for drinks after work and you come in at 1am, drunk and defensive.
Jealous- An opposite sex friend gives you a hug to say hello or goodbye.
Out of Bounds- You give a lingering hug to an opposite sex friend or are basically hanging on them and are resting your hands in thier lap you regularly cuddle with them even if you are "like brother and sister".
2007-10-25 22:12:54 · answer #2 · answered by Educated and Slighly Snobby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is a common natural human trait; what is different is the magnitude, depth, and extent to which some people will take it.In your particular case, there seems to be two factors responsible for your jealousy.You appear to lack confidence, self esteem, and trust and she once cheated.As for the first reason,in spite of your jealous tendencies, she is still with you. This suggests that you must have some positive qualities to which she is attracted, that you are lovable and kind or caring and giving.Those are qualities that should make you feel good about yourself and improve on your esteem and confidence.The cheating is wrong though you tried to take the blame for it by suggesting that you drove her to it. I don't accept that either as an excuse or a matter of fact.Hence, I suggest the following for you1)reaffirm your love for one another2)forgive her for cheating on you( after you talk about her reasons for doing it)3)Both of you have to start rebuilding mutual trust again.4) you have to believe that she loves you and when she goes out that she is still yours.As for talking about exes, I think that is a little disrespectful and needs to stop. you are her boyfriend now and she needs to focus on you and not her exes. If all of my ideas don't seem to help cure you of your irrational jealousy,then you may need to seek professional help.Look in the yellow pages under mental health,in it you will find little or no cost access to counselling where a mental health professional can best help you both and as individuals.I wish you the best of luck.
2007-10-23 22:17:58 · answer #3 · answered by abbeycoolit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jealousy is always in a relationship. even if someone decides to admit it or not. it just comes in different degrees. u are a pretty jealous person in my opinion, but i can understand cuz i'm like that too. also, u said she's cheated on u once. that alone can drive a person crazy.
u don't need counseling.i would just talk to her about it. tell her exactly how u feel. lack of communication can work wonders in tearing relationships apart.
good luck
2007-10-23 21:42:12 · answer #4 · answered by :::: 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm I am actually in the same situation. I actually cheated on my bf which was the biggest mistake and he get jelous and doesnt trust me. But ever since we have been together I have been faithful b/c I was young and stupid and now have matured. He is hurting our relationship b/c he cant let go. I dont ask him to just forget but atleast Forgive me. We're working on things. Good Luck to you.
2007-10-23 21:33:24 · answer #5 · answered by Lanieღ•° 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is create your own life! You need to focus your mind on things other then your gf. And if you need someone to talk confide in you friends or keep a journal. Maybe getting all your feelings out to a friend or on paper will help you deal with your jealousy better!
2007-10-23 21:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by sportsfan22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to be taking the blame for her cheating. Of course you are not trusting of her because she gave you reason to not trust. There is never reason for cheating so don't own what she did........However, you must know that jealousy is inner insecurity. You need to feel good about yourself and be confident. Know that you are complete without her. Pray for God to take the jealousy from your heart. Best wishes to you
2007-10-23 21:48:23 · answer #7 · answered by Angelica1951 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealously is the surest way to send your lover into anothers arms. Why? It shows how insecure you are about your relationship, that you can not trust them. If you can not trust the love of your life, then maybe, you are not in love. Loving someone sometimes means letting go. Good luck.
2007-10-23 21:32:04 · answer #8 · answered by thebooksherpa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really need to think if this is really a girl worth your time, if you decide she is talking to her can always be the best way to go, or talk to somone you trust about jealosy and you'll get through it, Try not to be jealous enad stop focusing on the past, theats so over rated, focus on the future and be 100% POSITIVE! GOOD LUCK!
2007-10-23 21:31:41 · answer #9 · answered by Carolyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
frankly if you "hurt" her with your jealosy, and she has cheated in the past, it probably means she is cheating again. By the way, her cheating is her fault, not yours, you can't drive or push anyone to cheat, it was her choice, her decision, and somehow she convinced you to take responsibility for her screw up. I suggest you take a close look at your relationship with her, and move on with your life, she just isn't worth it.
2007-10-23 21:38:10 · answer #10 · answered by kkuhn130 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good you realize what you are doing; that is the first step.
Next is counseling, and I highly recommend joining a church with an active men's group. The men in the group will help you unlearn bad behaviors if they are good Christians.
Good luck!
2007-10-23 21:36:08 · answer #11 · answered by Leopardlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋