I'm desperate. Can someone help me, please?

Question

I'm 33 years old, and though I earned my college degree back in 2000, I'm still working mostly menial jobs. Not only that, but I have no friends and I'm single. I'm lonely and since I don't have a career, I feel like I'm going nowhere fast. I pretty much would like to stop living, but suicide isn't an option, since I'm my mother's only child and I don't want to leave her alone in her old age. What can I do? I feel like I'm standing in quicksand!

Answer 1

First of all, no suicide is not the answer. Consult an occupational therapist, prepare a job application, cover letter and a resume and start looking for an entry level position for someone with your training. Check out monster.com potential employers post all sorts of wanted adds there. Also, when creating a resume and cover letter, don't use the templates in word. Keep them to one page a piece, and make sure your name stands out. Work on your career building skills and try to advance. Once you have gotten to the point where your pay has gotten to the point where you can afford fewer work hours, start working the social scene and try to make friends. Just make sure that you develop a career and not a McJob. Find a career that makes you think "I can't believe they are paying me to do this" Seek career fulfillment over pay at first, but make sure you can support yourself. Just take things one step at a time and don't get overwhelmed.

Answer 2

Yes, please keep in mind that suicide is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem." And it's always devastating to family left behind. A number of years ago, someone I knew from college committed suicide and it pretty much ruined his family forever.

Sounds like you're having a 1/3rd life crisis. This is completely normal. In fact, I'm 32 and totally understand what you're talking about. Don't worry, you're not alone.

I've learned that we all need to have a purspose in life. Something that we are excited about where we are making a contribution to society. You won't discover it instantly, but start the search today. It may take a while, but you'll find your reason for being here eventually.

I agree with the above posters about pursuing teaching. I saw your other question in the Careers section that you have Spanish skills. Why not try to teach, or maybe get certified/licensed to teach? You could also end up teaching overseas in International Schools, especially since you are multi-lingual.

I'm currently getting certified in Elementary Ed and have a goal of eventually teaching overseas. I spent two years as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Eastern Europe in my 20's and was happier over there as a "volunteer" than any job I've had for sleazy Corporate America since then. That's why a couple years ago when I was very frustrated with "life" I decided to give the corporate world the middle finger and pursue something that's more fulfilling. Long story short, I feel like I'm now working toward something meaningful where I'm able to make a difference.

Anyways, enough about me. Do a lot of soul searching, talking with people, read books (i.e. The Purpose Driven Life, The Secret, etc.). Stay positive because we attract into our lives what we think about, both good and bad.

Maybe start volunteering somewhere or joining groups of some sort as a way to meet people too.

Feel free to email me if you'd like. Best of luck!

Answer 3

You sound depressed possibly with a bad case of low self-esteem. Where do you live?--if it's anywhere like where I am right now, I don't blame you. The world can really suck for those on the outside. At least you're not homeless or hungry. That really sucks. First, you need to become undepressed. Take walks, do yoga(this is really the best) and eat salads every day. Get fresh air and sunshine and make sure your living space is clean. Then do some inner soul searching and discover what brings you feelings of joy. Then find a way to make money doing it. Meanwhile keep your menial job.

Answer 4

Tangerine, I've had a good amount of friends go through the same thing you are going through in their early to mid thirties. My best friend has a teaching degree in English Lit and is working for a collection agency in what I would consider a menial job. However, he's found happiness in his wife and life in general.
I have a few good friends in NLR and from what I've heard it isn't exactly a hotbed of employment. Maybe you should look to the positive fact that you are single and move somewhere that has a hopping job market. Sometimes it's best to strike out on your own just for the simple goal of finding yourself. Once you are happy with yourself, you will find it much easier to make and keep lifelong friendships and relationships.
It can get better but it's up to you to make it happen. Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm in my late 30s, with few friends (and I have trouble making and keeping them), divorced, no degree. And I get depressed as well when I think about my life. You don't have to use your degree in a Spanish-related career. Depending on where you live, many office jobs have a need for bilingual employees. If you can type reasonably well and have customer service skills, you should be able to find a decent office job.

To try to make friends, check out Meetup.com. They are sure to have a group in your area that matches your interests. Or take a class at a local community college for personal enrichment.

But I agree that you should try to find a psychiatrist who can help you deal with your suicidal ideation. Good luck, dear.

Answer 6

I feel for you that you have a degree and can't find a job, but it's not worth ending your life for. You can get help through job search sites like already mentioned in another post. They help you with resumes, interviews, and finding something better than menial work. You sound depressed and I am sure that you have friends out there. Have you shut them out because of your sadness. I have done that in the last year, but am starting to pull myself out because your friends will help you feel better. I know sometimes I don't feel like going out with anyone and have to force myself to, but once I go I feel so much better. You're right about hurting your mother, but besides that you are worthy of life and it is a gift, so even though it can really suck sometimes, hang in there. Why don't you talk with your mother. She may be older, but I'm sure she would love to be there for you. I don't know what else to say except to try going out and have fun. Reading, listening to music, walking, journalling. If you are seriously contemplating suicide, please talk to a professional because every one of us deserves to live and be as happy as possible. That has to be found within,

Answer 7

We all go throuth dark times that can last years, unfortunately. I think a good question to ask yourself is why you think you have no friends? Do you push people away? Are you going places where you can meet people? As far as a career goes, that is definitly a way that you can improve your motivation and self worth. Try going to a staffing agency, and you should be able to find something pretty quickly. It sounds like maybe you could talk to a therapist, and get some perspective, nothing wrong with that. Everyone needs someone to talk to , so why not go to an expert?

Answer 8

The S word is a definite indication that you may be depressed, which can make you see thing in a bad light.
Do either of these
1. Go to your physician, ask for a referral to a psychologist to talk about depression.
2. Call a crisis line and tell them that while not immediately considering suicide, you are having thoughts of suicide and would like a referral .
Good luck, hon. Sometimes you need help seeing the good in your life and a way to step forward and make it better.

Answer 9

I am troubled to hear that the thing that is keeping you from killing yourself it that you don't want to leave your mother alone. You have so much more to live for than that. I spent so much of my adulthood feeling like a loser. I smoked pot. I thought it was pretty harmless, but I later found out that it was at the root of my depression. If you are doing any "street" drugs, stop at all cost. Please seek help. You are young. Change careers. Volunteer. I felt so much better when I started reading for the blind. I never finished college. You sound like you have a lot of potential. start a new hobby or interest. I learned to fly. It turned my life around and I have been nothing but happy since. Good luck to you. If you like, email me at [e-mail]

Answer 10

Prepare your resume & be sure to state that you are bi-lingual. There are a lot of jobs out there for people who are educated & speak 2 or more languages. As another poster suggested, go into monster.com & post your resume. You can also do a job search online & mail or email your resume to as many companies as possible. Make sure you research the company first & include a cover letter that states why you would like to work for them. You may have to go to several interviews but you will eventually get a good job offer. Good luck!
PS: The best years of your life are still ahead of you!