Help me win this engagement ring argument?

Question

We have a set budget. I'm cool with that and totally accept it.
Both rings are the same price.

I would rather have a setting that has center stone the carat weight that I want and not diamond (.5-.75 carats)

My fiancee wants to buy a diamond but the ring we can afford has a smaller carat weight (and I think looks funny on my finger because it's not in porportion). Mostly I think he is worried about what people will say about him if they find out I have a CZ or white sapphire instead of a traditional diamond.

Even if we did have a few thousand to toss at a .75 carat diamond I still wouldn't want one.....not with my job.

Answer 1

I agree with you. I would rather have a larger stone that is of lesser quality, even if it's cubic zirconia, than a small stone. You are the one wearing your ring, you should be the one who ultimately makes the decision. You can buy a cubic zirconia now and years down the line when you can afford to, replace it with a real diamond. No one is going to inspect your ring with a jewelers glass.

Answer 2

You have 2 options: Buy the ring you want to get, You can easily get the center stone changed at a later date, and maybe put the you have in it now in a small basket pendant setting. (sentimental reasons?)
If you buy the ring with a smaller diamond, make sure the store you buy if from does upgrades, so you'll get the money you spent on the diamond as credit towards the larger stone.

I you do get a stone that's not a diamond I would recommend moissanite, it's harder than a sapphire, and extremely tough, it also sparkles more than a sapphire, actually it sparkles more than a diamond (it has a higher refractive index). It's very hard to tell the difference between a diamond & a moissanite.

Answer 3

Something you might want to consider is moissanite. This mineral is in between a diamond and CZ. Here's a pro and con list:

PROS: less expensive than a diamond, but more durable, and some say more brilliant than a cubic zirconia (cz). Moissanite is actually more refractive than a diamond, giving it more brilliance and fire than either a diamond or c.z.

CONS: Can be slightly green or gray rather than colorless, especially in bright daylight. Make sure you examine a potential moissanite stone under a variety of lighting conditions, and that you know your store's return policy. While cheaper than diamond, it is still more expensive than cubic zirconia. Also, although incorrect, some still characterize moissanite as a "fake" diamond, giving it a cheap feeling.

Here's a one carat moissanite ring set in a Tiffany setting and is about $665.00 (when you click on the pull down menu to choose the carat you add $240 to the price you see next to the ring). I can understand how you feel about the size not being proportional. If you're going to go for CZ or sapphire perhaps you'll consider moissanite :)

http://www.moissaniteisforever.com/itemdetail.aspx?ID=6349

Answer 4

Explain that you're upset about the diamond industry, that you don't like ripping things from the Earth in conflict-ridden countries just so you can have a sparkle on your finger. Then ask for moissanite. It is superior to cubic zirconia and white sapphires (and, some say, even diamonds) but it is man-made and so you don't have to worry about the ethical issues. It's also much less expensive and you can get a larger stone at a lighter carat weight -- so it looks great but doesn't feel heavy on your finger.

My guess is that he's concerned about explaining the non-diamond ring because he doesn't want to sound cheap. If he explains that the reasoning was an ethical dilemma (and then looks down his nose at the naysayers and says, "What? You *like* the knowledge that innocent people may have died for your diamond?") it might feel better.

Think about it this way: DeBeers purposefully limits the number of diamonds that are available in order to capitalize on their rarity and make people think diamonds a symbol of the perfect marriage. Value is only what people are willing to put up with. If you aren't willing to put up with their garbage then you should be commended.

Answer 5

If you are right about why he is being stubborn, let him know you'll never tell, an reinforce the fact that you don't WANT that. Joke about how people will think he spent more. Yeah, its his gift to give you, but WHY in god's name would you intentionally buy a gift for someone if it is not what they want? That's counterproductive and even though it is his gift to pick, you will have to wear this thing for the rest of your life. Remind him of that, he should be more concerned about your potential disappointment that anything anyone else thinks regardless of what is told or kept secret.

Have you hear of the Kimberly Process? Well if you have not, google it. Most diamonds are conflict diamonds, or blood diamonds, read about it. I love diamonds, but since I have found out the weaknesses of even the 'conflict free' Kimberly Process diamonds, I will never buy another one. Diamonds are so sought after, the greed involved in collecting them is causing deaths and abuse. When no one can tell whether its a CZ or a diamond unless inspecting your stone under lighted magnification, I don't see how it is worth being involved in such a nasty market. Go for the white sapphire.

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Answer 6

You're fiancee should defer to you in this instance because this is something you'll be wearing for a long time, just as you would defer to him on a situation that was really important to him.
When I proposed to my wife I couldn't afford a diamond and the ring I gave her was not what some would call great. In fact, later on as time rolls on and you are being paid more and have the money, I'm sure you wouldn't object to a diamond ring as a romantic gesture on an anniversary.
In my situation we were on a real tight budget and the fact that I could get any kind of a ring was in amazing. The ring was a CZ with a special design that she liked. A few years later she lost the ring and I was more than happy to replace it with a diamond ring that looked as close to the original ring I gave her. She was delighted, but not as much as when she found her original engagement ring when the washer was moved.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and in this case you are the beholder.

Answer 7

Well you will be wearing it so you should have what you want. Any gem is fine these days, it depends on personal preference.
Maybe you could compromise. Why don't you find the stone you like and choose in in a setting with that as the centre stone and diamonds along the band. He can say he bought youu diamonds and you can have the carat weight you want.

Answer 8

Instead of a diamond why don't you go with a colored stone, you can usually get larger ones and they are just as pretty or prettier than diamonds, besides that, diamonds are way over priced and are not worth the money. Congratulations on your engagement! By the way, I get more comments on my cz ring, than I do on my 3/4 carat diamond...they're both pretty but the cz is BIG!!!!

Answer 9

First of all... where in the world are you shopping? Is it a mall jewelry store? You could possibly get an imperfect diamond for less than a thousand... just not at a mall. They are usually very over-priced.

I am inclined to say it's your choice so you should pick.

BUT

It's HIS gift to you.

And boy are you two in trouble if you are fighting over THIS! ...I hope you aren't fighting over it...

And someone else mentioned the symbol of the ring... some people believe that the diamond is the symbol of everlasting love, since diamonds are forever... kinda like the wedding band - the circle of a ring represents undying love and the continually renewed vows of the married couple.

But the diamond engagement ring is not customary in all cultures....

So it's too easy to see it from both sides.

It may make him feel uncomfortable to give you anything other than the customary diamond.

So I guess since he is giving you a gift, he should get to pick what he gives you.But I do also like the moisannite suggestion....

Answer 10

This is why it's nice and special to just leave it to the guy to choose the ring!!!
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having something other than a diamond - be it cz, or any other stone. I bought myself a dress ring recently - a pink topaz, with small diamond shoulder stones - that I thought would have made a gorgeous engagement ring!
You can get a diamond and gold ring for about 300. A cz would probably cost the same at that level.
And don't 'argue' at this stage -- you'll have many more compromises to make once you're married!

Answer 11

My fiance and I both like similar things so I trusted him to get something beautiful. My fiance gave me a light blue sapphire and I love it. My mom has a dark sapphire from my dad and my grandma got an emerald. We never liked diamonds as anything except as accents around the ring (make it more shiny). Anyway, my fiance knew that I wanted a ring that reminded me of him and I love it! No one thinks he's cheap. I've only gotten positive comments so far about how it's unique and beautiful. I even have a friend who is jealous because she got a diamond and I got a sapphire. It's all in what you want and if a diamond doesn't say "I love you" to you, then tell him that. No one will think he's cheap but if they do, then they aren't worth your time.