Honor your father and your mother?

Question

This Commandment is very hard in this day and age, with abusive parents, for instance my husbands parents and siblings have caused a lot of problems for us since we have been married because I am a Catholic and they do not like Catholics, and now he is converting to Catholicism, which they blame me, I am not forcing him, he feels happier in the church and realises that Catholics do not condemn other Religions

He is finding it hard to honor his parents and wants to disown them, is this breaking Gods Commandment?

Answer 1

Tell Gary not to disown them but do not go and see them for a while and do not take the girls, let them realise that he is serious about not seeing them and you never know they might come around and realise they are in the wrong and you have done nothing wrong.

Disowning them is breaking the Commandment so just give them time

Answer 2

Here's the problem. Catholics do not follow ALL the commandments so what should it matter if he breaks this one? I hate to be hard here but "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy" is a commandment.

If you read Exodus 20:8-11 it says
"Remember the sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

The seventh day is Saturday. (Check the dictionary under Saturday and it will show it is the seventh day) The Pope changed the day to Sunday. Which it does NOT say was blessed or made holy. The command is for the seventh day only.

Also, if you check your catechism and compare the 10 commandments to the Biblical 10 commandments, you will notice that the second commandment has been removed and the 10th commandment has been split into two commandments to make them total 10. I am NOT kidding.... look for yourself.

Now, with that stated, Honor your father and mother is very vague. It doesn't say that you have to be at their beck and call constantly and it doesn't say you have to be abused. Sometimes, it might just mean, sending them a card once in a while, or letting them know that while you love them and respect them, you can not allow them to harm you anymore. Maybe the only contact you will be able to have with them will be through cards and letters if they are that hurtful.

Answer 3

I think that if your relationship with you and your husband begins to suffer because of the views of his parents and siblings, then it would be wise to part ways for a bit, or at least put some distance. Your marriage is the most important thing, even more important this his relationship with his family and even yours with yours. The two of you are one flesh, and nothing should be allowed to come between that. If they can't respect his decision as a MARRIED ADULT FATHER for crying out loud, then they have the problem. I would still pray for them and show love, but I'd also establish healthy boundaries. If you need, the two of you should also speak with a priest and/or counselor. I'd make a point to explain your feelings about the Commandment because I know the feeling of trying to make a relationship decision and remain faithful to God's command at the same time. Can be confusing sometimes.

Hope this helps. God bless and take care.

Answer 4

Redefine honor. You can respect your parents and treat them honorably without giving into their beliefs or letting them run your life.

His parents probably are afraid of Catholicism. Generations before us were taught to fear Catholics, that among other things, Catholic Churches stored weapons in their basements in preparations to take over the world. It's very hard for people to shake that kind of propaganda.

Try to have a calm conversation with them (I know they may make this impossible, but your responsibility is to try). Ask them what concerns them about your church, and honestly answer whatever questions you can. If you can't answer, then tell them you will find out and get back them later, then do it.

If you can't reason with them, you and your husband will just have to tell them you are going to be faithful to your own church and that you and his parents will just have to disagree on this issue.

Always pray for them, and ask them to pray for you too.

Answer 5

Honoring someone means being respectful towards them. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that you have to stay around people who are abusive towards you, but I haven't seen where they've been abusive. They've disagreed, which is their right, just as it's his right to act on what he believs to be right. If they are being disrespectful to you, as your husband, he is right to want to protect you from that, it's actually his duty, if you read Eph 5: 25-29. He doesn't necessarily have to disown them, that's such a huge word, but just make it clear that they have to respect you and his decisions or he won't come around. That may be the same thing as disowning, I guess I just don't like that word. At any rate, as long as he is respectful in his dealings, he's not breaking the fifth Commandment. Tell him to talk to your priest for more assistance.

Answer 6

No he is not breaking God's Commandments but at the same time the bible also says that when man and wife join together the two shall be one and the husband is to cleave to his wife and the same goes for the wife who is to cleave to her huband. In other words his parents can no longer parent him and make his decisions for him. I do believe God still wants him to respect them.

But techinally they are out of the equation. It's all up to him since he is the head of the household which religion he wants to convert to.

When you have time read Genesis 2:23-24

It says that a husband is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.

Not his parents HIS WIFE!!!

Answer 7

Just keep visiting and phone calls, and helping if asked. At this point that's all the honoring left an adult child to do.
Adult children are no longer under the care of parents and enter another phase of the relationship. Soon the children will care for parents, in their older years of ill health, before their death.

I think it sounds as he is honoring his parents, but I'm not authorized to judge.

Answer 8

You don't think Catholics condemn? Read this.

lf any one saith, that Christ, given in the Eucharist, is eaten spiritually only, and not also sacramentally and really; let him be anathema." (Chapter 8, Canon VIII)

The catholics damn everyone who do not follow this belief. That is what anathema means. It is in their catechisms. They also believe if you do not get baptised you are damned. They do condemn if you do not follow their beliefs. All religions and non religions are condemning in one way or the other.

But it is honorable and right to honor your mother and father unless they are abusive.

Answer 9

Yes, it would be............

You can honor your parents without letting them control your life or allowing yourself to be abused.

They did give him life and it's the first commandment with a promise..................and a good example for your children.

You can be healthy and still honor in a dysfunctional family - but disowning them would be wrong, I think. An adult does not obey parents............honor is different.

Answer 10

I understand your feelings; my father was vicious and abusive in every way, and has never repented....perhaps this will help:

"What if:

our parents are not worthy? not “honorable”?

there is on-going hurt and pain in the relationship that is detrimental or even harmful to us?

there is a history of child abuse?

There is no simple answer to how we should "honor" our parents in such situation. In such a struggle, we should keep in mind:

honor is a wide-ranging verb; no one specific behavior is commanded. It is open-ended.

The commandment to honor our parents is not based upon what our parents deserve, but rather on God's direct command: “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you. . .” (Deuteronomy)

Maimonides: “It is possible for a man to honor and revere and obey those whom he does not love.”

On a first level, "'Honor' speaks to filial behavior, not to filial judgment or sentiment” (Leonard Fein in Broken Tablets)

In such a situation, honor can still involve positive acts to help them, improve their lives, to the degree we are able. Revere/fear can still involve not interfering with the esteem due them from others.

Honor may also involve forgiveness."