I ended my relationship with my sister over a year ago due to her alcoholic and drug addiction behavior. I made it clear that she was not welcome in my family's life until she cleaned herself up. It was a hard decision, but one I felt was best. Now I get word she is in critical condition in a hospital down the street from me. Her heart is failing and I'm not sure she's going to make it. It's clear she doesn't want me there because she made sure to tell the family not to let me know what happened. Fortunately, I have someone who didn't follow her request and alerted me immediately. Part of me wants to go see her, but I don't want to upset her with my presence. What should I do to let her know that I still and always will love her? Would flowers be too impersonal?
2007-10-23 10:39:34 · 34 answers · asked by Chow B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Send flowers and a "thinking of you" card. How she proceeds with this situation after that is entirely up to her.
2007-10-23 11:04:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She's in critical condition, how much more can your presence upset her? Come on, be truthful with yourself. You don't want to go because you know its going to be awful and you aren't sure you can handle it AND you are feeling guilty that you closed her off from your life. Well stop being guilty, she choose the drugs and booze and didn't choose to get clean and sober and you did absolutely the right thing for you and your family. You cannot let drunks and addicts walk all over you, it just enables them.
Now, go to the hospital and be with your sister. You can hold her hand and tell her that you love her. But remember, if she lives, nothing has changed. If she is still choosing booze and drugs over sobriety, then she's choosing to not be a part of your life. Its really hard, I know, but you don't have any other choice, this is on her. Get to an alanon meeting, it will help you cope. Blessings.
2007-10-23 11:17:16 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She may be upset by your presence. And with a heart prob, it may not be a best thing in the world. However, I know you must want to see her, especially if you think this may be it for her. It depends on you, really. you could write her a letter, telling her how much you love her. She may, then, be open to you being there. Or you could go see her. What if she did die and you never got to see her? And yes, flowers are too impersonal. Unless she has a thing for flowers and you can find her favorite. But a bunch of random flowers you can get from Walmart sends the message that you got them on the way over. Maybe hand deliver a letter from you. Or get her a little trinket that has meaning to you both. I'm sorry this happened to you. i hope everything turns out ok. :)
2007-10-23 10:47:39 · answer #3 · answered by Darksuns 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to the hospital and see your sister, that is your family and even though you guys are going through it, she needs you, Shes in the hospital, but thats where the help is beginning for her. Encourage her. Don't talk about her and what shes done wrong. Forgive her and offer your help. Flowers are nice too, she'll appreciate it. You need to go see her, girl. I would do the same thing. I hope she gets better quickly. Oh and have a smile on your face when you walk in the room too. :)
2007-10-23 10:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hearing this makes me want to cry....
That is your sister...of course you should atleast bring her some flowers and a note and tell her that you love her and always have no matter what happened! If you don't it will be on your conscious for a very long time!!! She never specifically stated she didn't want you there..did she? Well..If all she said was not to mention she was in the hospital then there shouldn't be a problem! Don't give yourself any regrets!
2007-10-23 10:48:37 · answer #5 · answered by Vloz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go see your sister. That is your blood right there. What if she does die. Would you not feel bad that you didnt go see her on her last days? Would you not feel bad to know that your sister who needed you and probably wanted to see you before she died didnt get to see her sister. Even though this happened this may be your chance to mend the wounds that have been done between you guys. I think you should go visit her and give a new chance tell her that she needs to stop and your not gonna tolerate it. I think she will have a whole new oppenion on life when she gets out the hospital because now she knows what is happening to her and she can die. So i think this is what she needed to realize that what she was doing was wrong. All she needs is for you to help her. Not a friend she needs her sister.
2007-10-23 10:45:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really believe that she REALLY does not want you there, then you don't want to put her struggling heart in even more jeopardy by showing up. If I were you, I would send her a heartfelt gift with a letter showing your care and concern. Let her know that you would like to come see her only if she wants you to. Explain that you cut her off out of love for her and your desire for her to clean her life up. Really let your feelings come through in the letter and I'm sure that even though you sister's words may say she doesn't want to see you, you know deep down she wants you there to comfort her during this hard time. You should just really do something nice for her and send her something really personal and sweet with a family member along with a letter asking if you can come see her. Then the ball is in her court and if she really doesn't want to see you, then continue to send your support without your physical presence.
2007-10-23 10:46:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go see her (as everyone else is saying). And tell her that all this time you've always loved her even if you've disliked her actions. Just simply let her know you really were always there for her and she was on your mind. And tell her that you two are sisters forever no matter the mistakes made.
I'd say flowers or a card or something she'd enjoy.
Good luck
2007-10-23 10:46:48 · answer #8 · answered by Simplicity ♫ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the best thing you could have for your sister (when you left her). Now her being sick and maybe dying is a different thing. Go see her, I'm sure she will love to see you! Just tell her that no matter what you always loved her!
I will pray that she gets better, in every way, then you can be close again. Best Wishes to the both of you!
2007-10-23 10:52:50 · answer #9 · answered by Zoe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would send her flowers. THat way she knows that you know she is there. Wait a day or so and then go in and see her. She is still your sister and even though you did the right thing by parting ways there is still that undying love that only sisters have. All in all she isn't going to want to die or something without seeing you. No matter what she says.
Good luck.
2007-10-23 10:45:14 · answer #10 · answered by Megan E 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No -- GO THERE. I have a son I had to use tough love with and he's going to be 28 in a few days and I have no clue if he's dead or alive. I can't have him live with us either but he's still my baby boy (he had major drug issues and stole everything from us more than once -- he ruined us financially) but he's still my son and I love him with all my heart. Think of how you'll feel later if she dies and you didn't go. Try to put yourself in her shoes and you tell me that if she's this ill that you coming to see her won't help her.....you'd be wrong. Family is family. Just don't go in judging her right now.
2007-10-23 10:44:46 · answer #11 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋