Am I in some way a bad person because of the infidelity of another (something I had no control over)?
Would I in some way be a bad person if I fall in love again after the divorce (which, again, I had no control over)?
2007-10-23 10:35:33 · 40 answers · asked by ZER0 C00L ••AM••VT•• 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I am sorry for you if this is the case, it is a sad time however one feels about the partner, there are always the feelings of failure and loss. I have no idea what went on in your relationship to lead to this, but if your partner cheated and then demanded a divorce, then no blame can be put on you for those actions. However bad a relationship is one should leave if one wants to be with someone else. That can be only seen as a selfish act.
I hope that you fall in love again and that you find true happiness this time, everyone deserves to be loved, in love and happy. It can and will happen but only when you are ready, don't rush anything.
((((ZERO COOL))))
2007-10-23 10:47:01 · answer #1 · answered by Zappster (Deep Thunker) 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
If your husband cheated and demanded the divorce, then this is something completely out of your control. Cheating is a character flaw. Your husband's poor character and ability to live up to a commitment was the problem.
On the other hand, if you fell in love with someone after your husband filed for divorce, the timing may be inconvenient because you are not divorced yet, but I don't think that makes you immoral.
I would like to warn you, though-- a man who does not have serious reservations about being with a woman who is still legally married is a really bad sign. A decent guy will wait for you.
Good luck.
2007-10-28 01:53:45 · answer #2 · answered by Lively 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your pain in living through this.
You are NOT a bad person. In regards to your part in this - you did nothing wrong - this is totally on his soul (as we're in R&S).
"Would I in some way be a bad person if I fall in love again after the divorce (which, again, I had no control over)?" - I hope you DO find someone to love again. This DOES NOT make you a bad person.
2007-10-23 15:36:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No to all three of your questions....
Think for a moment, are you responsible for the actions and decisions of ANYONE other than yourself? You can influence others by persuasion but in the end we all have a free-will that determines what each of us does.
We've all been heart-broken at some time or other in our lives and in our retrospectives we all ask the questions of "What did I do wrong?" and "What should I have done differently?"
Since your heart-break is still new the only words I can offer are hang in there it will get easier -sorry for the cliche but it is true. Time heals all wounds.
Don't ever think that you'll be a bad person when you fall in love again. That's your guilty conscience talking. Enjoy your new-found freedom, have a 'divorce' party and burn him in effigy. There must be something he gave you that you secretly hate, burn it!
2007-10-23 15:09:31 · answer #4 · answered by tropicalturbodave 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. If you're asking because of what some people think the bible says I'll give you my opinion. I think those verses about divorce are not to be taken literally. They were simply to show that divorce should not be taken lightly. There should be a valid reason for divorce. Not something like, "we fell out of love". Adultery by either spouse nullifies any part of a religious contract that was made. All that is left is the civil marriage and you can do what you want with that.
2007-10-23 10:40:14 · answer #5 · answered by gumby 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
In almost every culture that has marriage (which is almost all), I have never heard of a partner being held accountable for the infidelity of the other partner (the cheating partner may try to blame the spouse, but this is generally viewed as transferrance/rationalization, and has no validity).
If anyone tries to put the blame on you, they are looking to control and manipulate you. Do not fall for it.
Live; life is for living.
2007-10-23 10:43:15 · answer #6 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Hell no, you are not a bad person. If you would be immoral, then so would I. As you know I am divorced.
Its a good thing if you fall in love again one day. Just know it might take some time.
2007-10-23 13:16:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, absolutely not. You were the one that was wronged. You will find someone worth your time who won't treat you like that, and that does not make you a bad person. Falling in love again is the normal, healthy thing to do.
2007-10-23 12:31:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not in the least. Do try your best to forgive your husband and realize that we all have wronged others at one point or another regardless of how big or dmall the wrong was that we did. If you still love him I would encourage trying to work it out but sometimes you may know that that cannot happen, and that does not make you a bad person in the least.
2007-10-23 10:44:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
(((((((ZC)))))))))
My parents' divorce was one of the main contributing factors to my move away from fundamentalism. My mother did absolutely nothing wrong in the situation and I could not see how she could any way be in the wrong. Some people would tell me it would only be wrong if she fell in love again and got remarried. I can't believe that either. If God exists, why would he deny her happiness?
You're not a bad person because of this. Stay strong.
2007-10-24 04:16:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋