Wedding Ettiquette?

Question

Is it ok to have three children in the bridal party but have an adult reception only? Those children will be there.
One is 9 the others are 7 and 3.

I had a friend tell me it was incredibly rude to make it adult only reception (she's got three children) if i'm having three children in my bridal party.

i keep seeing people telling me not to have kids in the wedding party if they aren't allowed at the reception.

just to clarify things, those three children will be invited to the reception. I just can't afford to have more children at the reception at 10 dollars a plate!

my father is the one who cares...he's paying!

Answer 1

It is perfectly fine to do what you are talking about. The children in the wedding party do not count; they are part of the wedding party.

Your friend is just telling you this b/c she wants her children to be invited, or she doesn't want to try & find a sitter.

Answer 2

We put adult buffet reception on our reception cards.
My place is almost $100 per plate and they don't give kids discounts or allow other food in the place. We got a little grief from a few people but they got over it- I also pointed out there is going to be load music and drinking like a bar... and we don't bring children to bars do we....
I personally am not having ANY children in the ceremony either because of this reason but my fiance has 5 sisters so 6 nephews and we couldn't pick some kids over others... and if we had one or two in the wedding and other couldn't come to the reception- it would be a fight. But if you feel that having the three in the wedding won't start war world 3 with your family- then it should be fine. Cousins and friends should understand you can't pay for their kids. But you always get rude people- I have people and bit ch about their kids being over 21... and they wanted to bring them!!! So you can't make everyone happy!! Don't worry about it- most people understand and if they don't like it- THEN DON'T GO!
Good luck
out of 150 people- only 5 of them were rude enough to complain and fuss.
You find out quickly that people are too lazy to get a sitter or just looking for a free meal. Leaving your kid at home with a sister for one night is not a big deal!

Answer 3

Well if you didn't have many friends who had children then that would be fine. I mean I have never seen a flower girl be a grown woman or a 21 yr old ring bearer either, so there will just about always be children in the wedding party. But I personally do happen to think it is rude because of the simple fact that weddings are supposed to be family events so I think children should always be allowed. I think kids are more of a disturbance at the actual ceremmony becuz thats wen its supposed to be quiet and kids always gotta cry and stuff especially when they're supposed to be quiet! lol! but at a reception most people with kids arent going to stay the whole time anyways and u will be so busy socializing and partying that you wont even realize they're still there. But its ur wedding and ultimately ur choice....so ur friend needs to just find a babysitter and deal with it if she plans on attending and thats what u decide to do. Hey.....that's life. She should know you can't always have things ur way by now.

Answer 4

I feel your pain! Here is the deal not only is it expensive for you but it will be a hassle! I agree with you obviously the children in your wedding party are well behaved. To where other children are not so well behaved. This is why you are inviting those kids and not every ones. Plus the cost is outrageous. Ask your friend of she pays $10 a plate when they got out to eat for her kids? If she says no I would never take them to a place where is cost $10 a plate. Tell her that is why Children are not being ask to join you at the reception.

You probably here others tell you hire a babysitter for the children .......Why is it OK for you to hire a complete stranger to watch children other people's children? When they cant find a babysitter they feel is safe and capable of watch there kids? Remember this is just my opinion.

Best wishes and good luck to you!

Answer 5

Personally, I think it is rather rude to say no children, but people are doing it all the time. Dear Abby says it is not proper ettiquette. She gives a way to get around it though. She says that you can put adult reception only on the invitation but also note that there will be a babysitter available for parents who have children. Provide a babysitter or 2 at the hotel and then the parents will feel better because there children will be with them, but not at the reception

Answer 6

You just hit my biggest pet peeve. I just got done writing an answer to something similar.
I'm sure some people are going to write that it is your wedding and you should do what you want, but just remember that there are going to be guests at your wedding who are not going to be too happy to see these children sitting there when their children weren't good enough. Oh, and you are probably going to have people that aren't able to come if you don't let them bring their kids.
I can totally understand the point of $10 a plate, but when you are paying $3000 for dinner, who cares if a couple extra kids tag along.
The wedding day goes so fast, and honestly some of my most vivid memories of the reception are from all the little girls twirling on the dance floor.

Answer 7

i totally agree children should not be at the reception once the adults start drinking however it really would not be very nice of you to have the kiddies in your wedding party and then send them packing.
why not have them attend the beginning of the reception, so that they are at the head table with the rest of the party for photographs and just because they should be. they will have their dinner, you could have them to watch your first dance and perhaps participate in a dance immediately after - again for photos and then have them picked up by their sitter or if you are at a hotel perhaps you could arrange to have a room reserved and have the children and a sitter stay in the room. the kiddies could watch t.v., or play games, their parents could pop in and check on them from time to time and no one would be offended and the kids would truly have participated in the fun! the additional cost won't be too bad and it will solve the hurt feelings that will most definitely happen if you don't have the kiddies at the reception.
as for the children of guests, well, i stand firm on my position that they do not belong at the reception and parents shouldn't want their children around drinking and partying anyway!
good luck n happy wedding!

Answer 8

It does seem hypcritical. I mean, you're saying your kids are fine, but everyone else's aren't. At the same time, it's your wedding and reception and this is about making it the best possible time for you.

If it is going to be an adults-only reception area, can you rent an adjacent building or area and some people to care for the children while their parents are at the party.

The kids in the ceremony may get bored if it's only them at the reception so it might be good to have some childcare there for them so the parents (you?) can enjoy the party.

Answer 9

Good heavens--you can't afford to have everybody's children there, and you can't NOT have the children in the wedding be there. And, children get bored, and therefore rowdy, at these kinds of events. They can't help but run around and be obnoxious on and off the dance floor. It's not the kind of place for children. The children in the bridal party should be allowed to attend, but it's perfectly fine to exclude all other children. Stick to your guns.

Answer 10

It's perfectly fine and acceptable. Those children are special to you and important enough to be in the wedding party. People should expect them to be at the reception. Every adult at the wedding should not expect their kids to be there too.