Maybe I'm just being over-protective or maybe not. Over a year ago my daughter and the neighbor boy fell for each other and I found out that everyone was hiding it from me including my wife. Thank God my 8 y/o son told me. When I asked why nobody told me about it they replied that I would have freaked out about it. Well I did'nt freak out about it but I was so upset that all of them kept it from me. Now at the time my wife and I were having problems in our marraige and I was staying back and forth at from my mom's and our house while we worked things out between us. So I gathered everyone together ( his parents, my wife and daughter, and this boy) and i expressed to them that I wanted it to end and I explained to them why I, as her father, feel this way. I knew that one day this boy would be 18 and my daughter just turning 15. Now, this boy is not a bad kid and he does'nt get into trouble. He works and is active in ROTC and school activities as well....BUT.........there... more!!
2007-10-23 10:04:12 · 13 answers · asked by Eric Lee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This boy has already had sex and smoked pot and probably alcohol. Well, just a couple of weeks ago I found out that she had a hicky on her neck from him so I go over to confront all of them and my wife told me to leave or she was calling the police. I told her that their relationship was over because he just turned 18 that day and she told me "No it's not"! So now i have nobody to support me on this. I don't know what I can do as I only have visitation rights to my children. It's killing me that I have to just sit back and watch this all unfold and my hands are tied I feel. What should I do or should I just let whatever happens happen?
2007-10-23 10:05:10 · update #1
She has until August of next year to give consent and I'm afraid that she being so young and him being experienced, that she will do what it takes to keep him from leaving her andif it means sex then well....I hate to think she'll consent too early.
2007-10-23 10:05:29 · update #2
Just let me say that when I was 17 I had a boyfriend that was 29.We are no longer together but are still the best of friends after 15 years. My parents were divorced when I was 6 so I was very mature at 17. I think it all has to do with the maturity level of your 15 yr old. If she is a mature young adult she should be able to handle the relationship. If they are going to experiment they will find a way no matter what. But I also feel you should have some say so in what goes on with your child. I am also now married and I have a step-daughter that is 14 and her father and I really have no say in what goes on with her. I would have to agree though with the other suggestions if you feel this strongly about the situation you have the right as a parent to protect your child. So therefore contacting the proper authorities would probably be the thing to do.But also you must be prepared that you will probably push your daughter further away by going through with this. Just let me say I have been on both sides so I see it from both angles.Good Luck to you!
2007-10-23 10:55:27 · answer #1 · answered by Shelley A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a parent I can understand your plight. I have a fourteen year old and would jack her up if she even thought about having sex or a boyfriend for that much. With todays society, things have gotten really out of hand. Everything is okay when it's not. Your wife should be a little more considerate of your feelings. She as a woman should know how hard it is raising a girl. She should at least support you on the fact of at least waiting unitil she is older to make rational decisions. She's definitly not old enough in my book. Why am I saying that, because I got pregnant at 17. On the other hand if the boy was respectful, he would not do anything to make you upset. You also can't knock him for having sex once or twice. I'm sure that you aren't that innocent yourself. I don't know about the pot thing, but it may just be a one time thing. If you don't already know, a lot of people in the service drink and get high. I just hope your situation comes to a head and that their are no more major problems.
2007-10-23 17:30:09 · answer #2 · answered by vstigger19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is a minor and it is your responsibility to take control over her. It is absolutely illegal for this relationship to occur. What would an 18 year old boy want to do with a little 14 year old girl anyway? Contact your police department and find out the states legal requirements on dating in a situation like that. Some states vary, but i do believe you must be 18 to be in a relationship with another 18 year old. She may be old enough to give concent to sex when she is 16, but that I BELIEVE is to someone else who is also a minor. ....sorry for your situation, but she is your child and it is your responsibility and you could even be charged for not protecting her.
2007-10-23 17:11:14 · answer #3 · answered by Van is due 5/8/08! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You certainly have a right to be upset that it was kept from you, but it sounds like you did exactly what they anticipated you would and told them (perhaps more calmly then everyone thought you would) that they had to break up.
If I were you, I would relax a little bit if for no other reason than if you keep trying to keep her away from him she'll want to see him even more. Be accepting of the relationship, but lay some ground rules. You said yourself he isn't a bad kid. Curfews, no time alone in rooms with closed doors, these are ideas to keep her from "giving consent" before shes ready. Have an honest conversation with her. Tell her that you love her and you don't want to see her make bad choices. If she wants to date the boy she can, but she needs to be responsible.
2007-10-23 17:21:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its never ok unless you want your baby daughter to end up pregnant.My Aunt and uncle used to let their daughter (my cousin) have boys sleeping over.She had an 18 year old boyfriend when she was 12.She was pregnant at 13 but miscarried, then at 17 a 28 year old man got her pregnant and left her with the baby to raise, and her crazy azz parents thought it was cute.Well its not.She has 4 kids now by 3 different men, shes married to a lazy loser who cheats on her and shes raising her kids to be just like she is,Shes a stripper who tells her 4 year old daughter its ok to be a stripper when she grows up.These children are being raised wrong because she was raised wrong.Its not okay.Kids need structure and its never ok to let an older man be the parent of your teenage daughter unless that man is her father.Its not cute and its wrong.
2007-10-23 17:31:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
15 and 18 is a HUGE maturity gap. Age difference becomes less important as you get older, but not at that age. I would even say it matters until your early 20's. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule but I seriously doubt that have much in common. Not as much as they think they do.
At the same time, you can't stop them. You can try, but you can't. Sit down and talk to her. See if you can reach an agreement. Given time, they will most likely fall apart.
2007-10-23 17:57:48 · answer #6 · answered by Heathen Princess JPA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where i live it is illeagal to have sex between a adult and a minor. Even if one of the partners is 17 and the other one is 18. So as far as i am concer that is okay to be worrued about your 14-soon-to-be-15 year old girl. In most cases between a adult and a minor sexual relationship the adult can not find sexual pleasure with people there age, so they go after teenage-minors
2007-10-23 17:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by elephant_bat_fan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you on your concern about your daughter.However your are only talking about a 3 yrs difference.As far as pot and all that stuff goes, some of the most successful people in life experiment with substances.
Including the president of the USA.Have a talk with that young man to insure some calmness in you.
good luck to you and your daughter
mohamed
2007-10-23 17:13:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've got so many problems its hard to know where to start. Apparently you think parenting is about bullying, and I expect that's what got you where you are today. You don't seem to have any control over yourself so you think you can have control over others. You and your wife should have made a plan together about how you will raise your children, its alittle late now.
I would advise you get yourself into counseling before you lose all ability to be with your family.
2007-10-23 17:27:23 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW, your wife supports this relationship and she knows the boy is 18? That is nuts. Not sure how the laws apply where you live, but if you haven't looked into it I suggest you do. I support your stance, good luck.
2007-10-23 17:16:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋