Hi,
I am a college student who lives off campus and has a car. My roommate doesn't. I told her that I will be able to give her ride every now and then but not always. Some how she has gotten the message that I am going to give her a ride whenever she wants which is completely false. She jokingly call me her "driver" or "her driving slave." I really don't like that and it is pissing me off. Now when she owes me money for electricity and stuff... she expects me to take her to to the bank. I have a lot of stuff to do specially since I am a college student. I do not want to end our relationship but I do not want to give her the impression that she can walk all over me. Please help me. I don't like hurting people's feelings but I think i am going to have to.
We were not friends before we moved in together... we met after signing the lease and got along with each other.
2007-10-23 10:03:30 · 9 answers · asked by needanansnow 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You need to establish yourself, and don't be afraid to say no sometimes. Of course she thinks you'll drive her anywhere anytime, because you do. You might have to hurt her feelings some, but, sometimes that is what it takes.
2007-10-23 10:38:25 · answer #1 · answered by grouch2111 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this the only area where this roommate is making unreasonable requests of you? I bet it isn't. Does this roommate do her share of cleaning up the place? Or does she leave dishes and dirty clothes piled up?
You made a mistake by not asserting yourself in the beginning, and now you're being taken advantage of. All you can do now is stand your ground and tell her patiently and respectfully that you can't drive her places all the time.
You might offer to help her with important trips, but not the routine stuff that she could just as easily take a bus or ride a bike for.
Also, you need to make your feelings known before she starts taking advantage of you in other ways -- like stiffing you on the utility payments you mentioned.
2007-10-23 10:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by Jeff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that I would put a stop to, is the reference to you as her driving slave. It shows a lack of respect towards you. Next, I would tell her that I am unable to drive her all over town, because I am busy too. If you are going out, I would see if she wanted to go in the direction I am going. Is she young enough that her parents are involved in her life? If so, maybe they can help her with getting a car? Anyway, being a student is hectic enough, without this added pressure. Good luck.
2007-10-23 10:45:05 · answer #3 · answered by brandy C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The next time she calls you her driver or driving slave, jokingly reply, "that's what you think." Then, during a down time, tell her that you really cannot give her a ride whenever she wants you to. If it fits in your schedule and you don't mind, or are going that way anyway, you'll be happy to but if you're busy, you're busy. And, when she owes you money, it is her responsibility to get it and give it to you. It isn't your problem how to get there. Has she heard of cabs?
2007-10-23 10:11:21 · answer #4 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I've got a very similar situation with one of my roommates, I'm always taking her places, and we're (my roomies and I) are always moving thing for her, buying her food, and doing her favors even though she's never even home. We all just ignore her and tell her we're busy when she asks for somethig. I know this situation doesn't really apply to you since I don't really like that roommate, but it's similar. I think you should sit down and just tell her you're sick of running her around and she needs to figure out different transportation.
Or get her a bike for halloween
2007-10-23 10:13:59 · answer #5 · answered by Nate 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down and talk to her. Tell her that things in the house need to be equal and with all due respect you are not her personal chauffeur. You must set clear standards or things will go from annoying to unbearable.
2007-10-23 11:14:00 · answer #6 · answered by Pssssh Whatever 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to re establish your expectations!
you need to communicate again and again if needed!
tell her how you feel and stick your ground!
your not hurting her feelings tell her how you feel just don't say you do this and that and this and i don't like it!
say i feel that your walking over me by calling me names in a jokingly manner. I am uneasy with expectations that i feel you have what do you think my expectations are with me driving you around? make her restate your expecdtions once your both on the same page this tention will go away!
speak up
2007-10-23 10:09:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Get some backbone and start showing her your in charge!
Tell her you don't like her calling you her driving slave
2007-10-23 10:13:23 · answer #8 · answered by troy I 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should just let her read what you wrote here...........It seems to speak for itself.
2007-10-23 19:08:20 · answer #9 · answered by JJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋