How do I deal with my psychotic sister-in-law?

Question

Hi. I am married, 3 kids, and lost a son a few months ago. I have a psychotic sister-in-law who follows me around online i made the mistake a few months ago and told her where i used to post and she read my posts and rang up and shouted at me. they were about how upset i was when i lost the baby and how sad i feel when i see other pregnant relatives, she said i had no right to feel this way and needed anti-depressants. i told her to go jump and my hubby (her brother) was with me. She had a go at my kids (unprovoked) swore at me and said she's hated me for 5 years. Now I want nothing to do with her but hubby wants me to befriend her (i tried once already and got sworn at) so i decided no, i don't want to know her as she is a psycho. hubby's upset and I got blamed. she used my dead baby to get at me, hates me & the kids i want nothing to do with her. she is nasty, i hate being in the same room as her she is opinionated, rude and won't listen to anyone how else should deal with her

Answer 1

If I had to deal with her I'd use a club while she slept in bed.

You're the one whose grieving over the loss of a son. Where does she get off saying you have no right to feel the way you do. Who died and made her chief psychiatrist to declare you nuts and in need of drugs?

She's the one that's hated you for five years and swears at the kids you still have alive. She's the one that's been using your dead baby to get at you.

OK, so she's your husband's sister, and she does need friends. Maybe for some reason the death of your son has kicked her way off the deep end. Whatever. Hubby wants you to befriend her, but you already did. If hubby wants you and his sister to be friends, he's going to have to make her befriend you from now on, and he'd better make sure she doesn't pull any crap on you.

Answer 2

I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your son. That is an overwhelming loss. Your sister-in-law is pretty insensitive. Now might not be the best time to befriend her. It sounds like you both need a cooling off period. Tell your husband you are willing to be polite and civil with her. Then follow through on that. When you do talk to her, stick to small talk. Just keep reminding yourself that it is the right thing to do so there is peace in the family. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I am sorry about the loss of your son, hon. And I am sorry about the situation with ths SIL.

I would let hubby know that friendship is based on trust and respect. When you feel comfortable trusting his sister, and when she treats you with respect, a friendship will form, and neither of you will have to "do" anything.

As far as dealing with her, hon, you want to curb her online access. Just change your accounts. If she requests an add, deny it. No phone conversation. And never again say anything negative about her. If you can't say something nice.....

There is nothing you can do to control her behaviors. You can, however, manipulate them. Learn the fine art of manipulation.

If she says you have no right to your feelings, go....'Oh, you know, Suzie, maybe you're right. " and then walk away. She can't argue with you if you agree with her...so state the ridiculous....Yes, Sue, I think maybe I do not have a right to my own feelings after all......

I'm not sure I could do it without rolling my eyes and kinda going 'I don't know..." and leaving to go have a laugh....but....

As far as her ever touching the children, unless it's to hug them lovingly, you don't touch my kids. You and hubby should agree that the children are not to be hit or "have a go" at them. Ever. At this point it is his job to gather the children and make a graceful exit....."Sorry, folks, it's time to go..." Before someone gets hurt....

Answer 4

Just dont go by her. It sounds childish but you have a right to feel the way you did or do anout the baby. When i first got pregnant and my mother told the chruch the preachers grand daughter walked up to me and said some mean s*** to me so i havent been back. so called me harsh names and everything i mean this was a 30 year old woman swearning at me. but i walked away and i havent been back since but you dont need the srtess in your life im sure. cause if you do get pregnant again. the stress will put you over i have alot of stress and i need to get away from it all before i go into premature labor. i hope i helped sorry about the baby!!! i know it hurts i would feel the same way if it happened to me.

Answer 5

Wow!! That woman is demented!! Who in their RIGHT mind would EVER blame someone for feeling sad about losing their child?! Come on!! Honestly, she sounds emotionally handicap! (I don't mean that in a mean way - my brother is downs-syndrome)
That woman is NOT safe and if I were you I'd avoid her at all costs! There are some people out there that just aren't friendship material!! Just because she's a relative, doesn't mean she deserves to be in your inner cirlce, let alone any of your circles!!

A couple of good books on that may help is

"Boundaries" and "Safe People" by Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Good luck!
PS. You'd be a bad mother if you didn't grieve your baby's death!!

Answer 6

For starters, it's not your responsibility to mend the relationship, it's your husbands. If it's important to him that you and her get along, then he needs to fix it and tell his sister to lay off.
She has no way of knowing what is appropriate behavior in that situation unless she too has lost a baby. We all deal with grief in different ways.
If at all possible, try to avoid situations where she will be present. Family get-togethers, try to be with your side of the family and with people that want to be around your kids and yourself. Don't make a big deal about it, because then she knows she's gotten under your skin. Just avoid her at all costs until she can apologize and act like a normal person...perhaps she needs meds.

Answer 7

I have been married for 22 years, and my sister in law is officially psycho. She is on medication for her mental disorder, but sometimes "forgets" to take it, and I am always her target. She has disliked me since my husband and I started dating in 1984.

The way I handle situations with her is: I don't. She is not my sister. It upsets my husband's family, used to upset him, but that is just too bad. I finally got tired of her abuse and her family's excuses for her behavior and I don't attend any functions whenever she is, or will be, present. Period. If she shows up, I quietly leave.

You cannot reason with a crazy person. Just like you cannot reason with an addict, or an alcoholic -- it is a disease, they can't help it .... but I sure can!

Answer 8

I can understand your husband just wanting everyone to get along. I can understand that he feels caught in the middle. However, I think that you SI L's opinion was not asked for and therefore, she was in the wrong.
I don't think anyone has the right to call to your home and tell you how to feel or not feel and what you should or should not have done, yell at you and especially not to yell at your children.
It sounds like she doesn't have boundaries and she doesn't have any respect for you or her brother. Unless she apologizes and in future holds her tongue, I would just have to tell him there is no way you can be "friendly," with her.

Answer 9

I feel your pain - I had a miscarriage in 2000 and not one word of sympathy from my husband's family. His mother and sister are just evil, nasty people anyway. I refuse to be around them, period. It works pretty well too since there is nothing I can do to change them. You should do the same - ignore them and avoid being around them if at all possible.

Answer 10

Honey you married your husband not his sister. Screw her. On Yahoo answers you can make your settings private and be sure she is not one of your contacts and'/or added you as one of hers.

It seems she is insensistive. I hope if she is indeed on Yahoo Answers she read my comment and attempt to swear at me, I will certainly set her straight.

Tell her to mind her own business and pick up a few hobbies. She may also need to join an aerobics class to burn off some of that energy she is waisting following you around online. I would also tell her she is not a therapist or any type of MD to try and advise you to take anti-depressants, and in fact she may consider taking some her own darn self. Perhaps Zooloft!

Anyhow, hon I am very very sorry for the lost of your son, but do what your heart tells you to do, and don't listen to the make friends with someone who told you she hates you.

Pray for her, matter of fact pray for her when she starts yapping, and ask God to take this devil out of your life. Use these words, Dear God I have done my best to deal with some of the consequences and events in my life, but dear father I am at the point I am not able and I am not strong enough to deal with the issues concerning.... and mention them. Ask for him to take those things from you and do as he wishes... he will take them from you.

My ex told me this years ago, and I am glad he gave me that advice. It's been the best advice anyone could give. I have done it when I felt overwhelmed and I had no solutions/answers in my life. He's taken the burdens from me, because he only gives us what we can handle. Satin gives us thes crossroads to sidetrack us from having the faith in God.

Always remember that. Your crossroads that discourage your faith is actions from Satin's angels.

God Bless you may your prayers be answered.