I meet my 1st love when I was 14, of course we didn’t stay 2gether longer then a yr or 2 but we maintained a friendship throughout highschool. I have dated several people since but have not experienced the same intense feelings that I had for my 1st love (we never had sex). The 9yr relationship that I am involved in now has been very difficult but we managed to work through many issues that any normal married couple would have divorced over. As a result I have love and a strong sense of commitment and loyalty to this relationship. I recently came back into contact with my 1st love and all of those emotions are back and stronger then ever and he feels the same way!! I know there's no guarantee that I will marry either one of them but my heart feels like its being ripped in two and I don’t know what it means or what to do about it.
2007-10-23 09:26:43 · 25 answers · asked by Joyous 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I had the same problem. I still do and I've been married for two years now. Relationships when you're young usually don't last. Both persons are immature, and innocent. My high school sweet heart and I dated for almost two years, broke up, and then met back up again to see if things would work. We also never had sex. We still talk, but it's as friends only. And our conversations are rare. It seems to me like the relationship you are in now has experienced some sour times and perhaps seeing your ex brought back memories of an easier time for you. Youth was a very easy time for most of us, and even if it wasn't, the person you are having feelings for brings out the best of those times. He/She obviously made you feel safe. I am not going to tell you what you want to hear. You need to tuck these feelings for your ex way down deep and focus all your energy on your current realtionship. If you DO end up going your seperate ways in the future, perhaps you can meet up with your ex then. But I would not jeopardize this relationship for someone you knew at least nine years ago, who has grown and changed in their own ways. Are you willing to end the relationship over someone you really don't know anymore? Good luck with this. I really do wish you the best!
2007-10-23 09:38:42 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
READ MINE
It's normal for people to not forget their 1st loves...i havent and always think what if, what if. But we are both married so nothing could ever happen. which sucks, But you arent married and I'd say go out with your 1st love a couple times and if that strong feeling is REALLY still there btw you two. if it is i'd take a risk. maybe you and your first love will marry....If you and you man have this great relationship talk with him about it and tell him how you feel. Maybe he'll understand. you never know unless you take a chance. If you are afraid..dont be. everything will work out in the end. Just make sure you think this over because on one hand you're in a relationship and 9 years is a long time and on the other hand you have the past back in your life and you dont wanna lose this chance AGAIN.... you'll always wonder the what if.
2007-10-23 09:35:56 · answer #2 · answered by peterson51785 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think what you feel for the first guy is still the love of a 14 year old but the love that you feel for your partner in the relationship for 9 years is more mature. On the other hand, 9 years is a log time to be in a relationship without a more serious commitment of marriage. If you are living with the person you have been with for 9 years and can do it, the best thing might be to talk to him about the old boy friend and say you need time to get yourself together and move out to be on your own for a while and perhaps you will be able to decide where you want to go from there. you have been with this second guy long enough to have gone through the ups and downs but it is not fair to him, or to yourself, to keep that going unless you can make a total commitment and you can't do that unless you can dismiss what you feel for the first love. I hope you can work this out in your mind which you want and are happy with your choice.
2007-10-23 09:40:51 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why my parents never let me date..
You're emotionally attatched to this person mainly because he was your first love, and all the emotions and feelings of love you shared with him first, plus it was innocent and young, so its natural to crave old emotions.
But think about it, why did you guys break up in the first place?
Why do you love the person you're with now?
Would you wanna leave the person you're with now?
If after thinking of the wonderful things you love about each one, consider which you would be happiest with, and who it would work out with the best.
Obviously it might be the one youre in now as its lasted for 9 years, opposed to two (but of course, you guys were young)
You have to decide who would make you happier and if you're not just mising old memories.
Imagine each one of them leaving you, who would you grieve the most?
Then again, maybe you're both meant to be..
And another point, why aren't you married in your 9 year relationship?
Maybe it doesn't seem important, but there could be a commitment problem between either one of you...
maybe you're not sure you want to marry this person, or vice versa.
You should give it some thought..
2007-10-23 09:34:57 · answer #4 · answered by kelso mcfly 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forget the Past ....!!!...because the one who supported you in adverse conditions for last nine years seems to be the best one for you. Because action speaks not feelings. Every Relationship craves for space and you both seem to enjoy that for the last nine years. You are the best judge because it is always advisable to medicate through the remedies you know. I suppose you understood that i said. Good Luck and be loyal to the one who is having a long relationship with you. Think about future, future beholds the life and present form shapes the future. The mere appearance of the past form seems to be disturbing to you. Just imagine what will happen if it continues to remain with you. The relationship that never took off needs no attention. Simplify your life Do not complicate it. Take care. May God Bless you.
2007-10-23 09:38:40 · answer #5 · answered by busymen m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From experience, either let whom you're with go or try to stay away from the one you're crazy about. Your not being fair to the one you're with. You will not be able to fully commit to that person and you'll have lost a lot of years on a relationship that could have been spent with someone who means a lot more to you. You are not being fair to either one of you. 9 years is a long time to invest in a relationship when you'd rather be with someone else. Think about how you would feel if it were you. Also is your friend single and worth it?
2007-10-23 09:34:42 · answer #6 · answered by vstigger19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your heart, not your mind. Don't feel that you should marry the guy in the 9 year relationship because you've been dating for so long, and don't marry your first love just because he was your first love. I'm pretty sure almost everyone feels strong about their first loves, though. Be sure not to convince yourself that you love one person the most when you know you love someone more. I wish you luck. :-)
2007-10-23 09:43:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!!!! You are not married to the 9 yr relationship???? And you have had many many problems with the 9 yr?? I say get out of the 9 yr relationship and go for the one you are in love with. There is no sense in hanging on to something if you are not truly happy or in love.
2007-10-23 09:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The feelings for your first love will never go away. I have finally confronted that after 23 years of thoughts of mine. You might have to come up with a pros and cons list as silly as that sounds. 9 years of mostly struggling sounds like a lot of work to me. What have your conversations about the future held? You will have to use both your heart and head on this one, sweetie. Good luck whatever you decide.
2007-10-23 09:35:22 · answer #9 · answered by ga.peach67 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. thats a tough one. All Relationships suck. But you have to find one that is good enough for you to stick things out with. Apparently you have already found one that you think could really work and create something there. You only get so many chances---- but that advice goes both ways I assume. I would stick with the one I know will stand by my side, and that is the one you are with now.
Good luck.
2007-10-23 09:32:29 · answer #10 · answered by Christina W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋