My son is quite possibly afflicted with ADHD and almost definitely has another disorder known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. We are having this theory checked out tomorrow by his pediatrician. I'm sure we'll be referred on to someone else as well. The problem is, I'm wondering what to say to him when he asks why we're going to the doctor. He's not sick, and it's not a checkup. He's extremely easy to get angry and I don't want him going into a tantrum about it and feeling like I'm putting him down or disciplining him. I love him so much and I want to help him through this but his self-esteem is very fragile right now. Any thoughts how to explain what we're doing and why?
2007-10-23 08:59:16 · 19 answers · asked by pookiemct07 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
ODD is very hard to deal with, I wish you luck. Maybe tell him this Dr. is going to help you make him feel happier! Its hard to help kids understand neurological issues.
2007-10-23 09:05:24 · answer #1 · answered by parental unit 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Tell him the truth, but do so gently. Ask him why he gets mad so easily. If he says something along the lines of not knowing then tell him the doctor will try to find out why. If he says something like "because I want to watch a cartoon" ask him "why else". It may take a while but you will get a confused little boy. Now, the point is not to confuse him, but to show him that neither of you know and the doctor is going to help find out why.
If he goes into a tantrum while you are talking to him try to calm him down and ask him why he is so upset. He is shows that he feels he is being disciplined or being put down tell him that you are not. Tell him that you love him and worry about him which is why he is going to see a doctor. Tell him the doctor will try to make him feel better and happier instead of upset.
I know he is only 6, but he wants to know what is going on so be honest.
Good luck!
2007-10-23 09:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by funnyfeelingback 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is hard... because you could be putting things into his head that could possibly not even be there. The way he is behaving could be perfectly normal and if you takin him to the peditrition and focus on his behavior he might think there is something wrong with him making him feel weird. You could possibly give him more problems than what he already has.
I wouldn't take him to the pediatrition. Honestly, I don't think they are not trained in child development. From my personal experience, when I took my one year old to the pediatrition and mentioned about him biting, the pediatrition told me to bite him back! I couldn't believe this (from my pre-school teacher knowlege).
If you take him don't tell him why your taking him. Tell him that he is going to get a physical to keep him healthy. The doctor will ask lots of questions about every thing. Try not to use any lebels like the ones you just described (ADHD or oppositional behavior) and make sure you tell your doctor not to use them either (you would be surprised as to how insensitve they can be at times).
In the mean time I want to tell you to play and connect with your son. I promise it will reduce his oppositional behavior to halve. Put him on a scedule and routine. THis way he knows what is expected of him.
Hold your self accpountable for being a possitive role modle and really look at yourself and how you discipline him.
I want to recommend and hope you find it helpful as much as it has helped me and my family.
Transforming aggression into Healthy self-esteem by Dr. Becky Baily
Preventing power struggles by Dr. Becky Baily
Loving guidance: Setting limits with out guilt By Dr. Becky Baily
I have been to 4 seminars on consciouse discipline and I am So impressed with it. I has helped me look at myself so I could help my children better ways. Good luck
2007-10-23 09:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by liliana 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He IS getting a checkup - just not a physical one. You need not go into details - tell him the new doctor will want to evaluate him personally.
I would not normally suggest lying by omission to your child, but since he has oppositional and anger issues, this would probably work out best.
Also, make a deal for positive behavior reinforcement before you go - great cooperation, dinner at [ his choice ]; very good cooperation - pizza delivery; good - Kraft mac and cheese.
[ these are just examples ]. Less than good - no rewards.
You are definitely going to be using behavior management skills on your guy - might as well start practicing.
2007-10-23 09:09:08 · answer #4 · answered by Nurse Susan 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being 6 he sure seems smart. Personally I think you need to be honest with him and let him know that you are just going to have some things "looked" at. (you're not lying..just don't give all the information). IF he does melt down because of that information then by all means let him. The Dr. needs to see "how" he acts normally and for him that reaction would be 'normal'. Children with ADHD are very smart and almost always have another issue such as OCD or most commonly ODD. Tell you what, we joined this website: http://www.adhdnews.com/ and we found out that we are NOT alone. It's free to join and just go over to the message boards and they can help alot. It's sooooo hard to see that our precious children can have something like this because it does effect their self-esteem and lots more. Wish I could be of more help.
2007-10-23 09:56:59 · answer #5 · answered by OMGiamgoingNUTS 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I presume you've got this far because of problems at school?
Tell him that. "We're going to see why you have problems concentrating in class / why you say things the teacher thinks are rude / why you get in trouble a lot." And make sure you say it's to find ways you / the doctor can help him. He's been having a hard time coping with his problem all on his own, and when you figure out exactly what is wrong there are lots of things which can help him. Because there _are_, even just knowing exactly what the problem is.
2007-10-23 09:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
a lot of times they realize they have a problem weather they admit it or not. if you can, sit down with him when he is in a good mood and talk to him about it. just ask him, you know sometimes when you get really mad? ask him if he knows why that happens, and if he likes the way it makes him feel. if he is in the mood to talk you will get honest answers from him. just tell him you love him and YOU need help from the doctor to know how to help him. just remind him how much you love him and how you want him to be happy. maybe keep him home from school that day and plan the whole day. lunch, the doctors office, then a toy store :) good luck
2007-10-23 10:09:35 · answer #7 · answered by stephanie b 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wonder how you know that he has ODD or ADHD if you haven't had your child psychologically diagnosed and gotten more than one opinion.
If your child gets offended it may be the way you perceive the situation. Afflicted with ADHD? If you see it as an alliction maybe your attitude towards him is coming through in the way that you talk to him and react to him.
You're too scared to tell him that he's going to be evaluated for either of these disorders because he might tantrum. But honestly, who cares if he get's offended, he's six. If he gets angry or offended explain the situation. Its ok for people to be angry, he needs you to show him how to deal with it. Sneaking around being too scared to talk to your own child because you might hurt his feelings is counter productivity.
Most doctors will not give an official diagnosis until the children are far older.
Your child is school age. If he is in public schools they are required to give him those evaluations if you request it. But be careful what you wish for, once a child has been labeled it is hard to move away from.
2007-10-23 09:45:37 · answer #8 · answered by nonymouse 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Tell him the truth. That you and his father think he could have the disorder called ADHD and you are going to the doctor to find out if he does and if he does how to help him work with it, to be the best person he can be.
2007-10-23 10:33:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Explain to him that there might be reasons why he behaves the way he does and gets angry so easily. Ask him if he would like to learn to control those feelings. (Hopefully he says yes - kids I've known with those problems tend to feel just as out of control as the adults around them). Then you can tell him that there are doctors who specialize in children who need a little more help in controlling their tempers and they're going to check him out and see if they can help him. Hopefully if you keep the atmosphere upbeat and positive he can see it that way too.
2007-10-23 09:06:54 · answer #10 · answered by Stacie 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Answer him when he asks. When he asks, you have his attention, and regardless of disorder, he is looking for guidance at that moment. Calmly give him the basic facts as simply as you can, and reassure him that it is going to help him. You also need to reassert that you have the best intentions for him, and his tantrums and such are hurting you. Regardless, keep it simple. He will not really understand the treatment and such until he is older. I am sure he will appreciate your help then.
2007-10-23 09:11:14 · answer #11 · answered by TallCheeseburger 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋