About a week ago my boyfriend out of no where accused me of something. (no not cheating). I let him know that his accusation was false, but he continued to accuse me. In all honesty I had done nothing, he wouldn't listen. So after that plus insulting me, he said he was leaving, and infact left me. He called the next day, we talked, he did not apologize, but said if I wanted to be with him he would come back. Stupidly, I said okay. A few hours later he again told me to "***** off" and left. A friend of his informed me that since he left me, he has been hanging around a girl he just met, but that it is "nothing serious". He came back again last night saying we'd work it out, but soon after, once again, left. I have known him six years, dated for two and a half. I love him to death and don't understand why he is doing this to me. I don't know what to do, wait around and hope he'll come to his senses, or just move on. I really don't want to lose him though.
Any advice or thoughts?
2007-10-23 08:41:59 · 23 answers · asked by Life..or something like it. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's f'd in the head. Don't "stupidly" say "okay" again.
2007-10-23 08:46:04 · answer #1 · answered by Juniper McClintock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before I got to the two and a half years part, I'd have said: leave. Before it gets worse. Because who needs this kind of emotional/verbal abuse? He should be able to talk things through productively. Not act like a child. If you hadn't put so much time into this, I'd say cut your losses...Tell him you're not "a match." That is not a matter of blame and that you don't care to discuss it, you've made your decision.
There isn't enough clarifying information here to know the whole context. So, in a 2 1/2 year relationship, I'd say it might be worth getting some counseling because it sounds as though there is a serious difficulty. If you don't want to lose him, this is going to take some work to sort through.
Something is really distressing him. Either he's completely out in left field and being downright abusive, or there's something you're not telling us here--either a pattern of fighting or some precipitation for his volatile response. It sounds like he is really wavering on the edge of leaving--or else threatening to control you. Based on limited information, I cannot tell which, and my answers would be different.
2007-10-23 15:53:12 · answer #2 · answered by summerquilt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys ( and this comes from personal experience and experience of other guys I know) sort of get bored of being with the same girl after a while. Especially at a young age, so what happens is that...you( a guy) don't want her anymore. You're tired of it and want to leave and move on and get someone else, but once you leave her, she becomes more desirable to you because you realize that she's no longer yours and you might lose her forever. Looks like your fella there just can't make his mind up anymore. If after 6 years this is where the rellationship came to, it won't get anybetter, and the farther you go, the worse it'll get. I say leave him, move on , he's not the last guy on earth. Find someone who'd treat you the way you want to be treated without any of that drama bs. Good luck.
2007-10-23 15:50:14 · answer #3 · answered by Jack H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first up, I'd say he was having icebergs. By this I mean by this is he has bigger issues that may not even be with you that he is struggling tru at the moment. This type of behavior in my opinion is almost always a test for some sort for him to figure out his own problems. Sorry you have to go thru it since he's not smart enough or emotionally experienced enough to figure it out.
If you do still love him like you say, try to get him to open up and tell you what he's going thru. Yeah, this is not going to be easy and you WON'T like everything he has to say but if you two are gonna go on your gonna have to hear it.
Hate to say it but you may have to hang up the girlfriend cap for a while and switch to just friend one but you both need to get thru it without your or him being a doormat and to do that you might have to regress things a bit to just really close friends. A lot of couple seem to forget the Friends side of things that's' why couples fights always hit harder than Friend spats. Couple's know all the secret Kryptonite of each other and have NO problem using it :( to "win" in the long run my bet is you have to be the better person and you my have to lose a lot to do that.
2007-10-23 16:19:48 · answer #4 · answered by Carl B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he might be interested in this other girl and is taking his guilt out on you. You could suggest a break and see what happens. If he is hanging around other females when he is not with and says it is nothing you should ask how he would feel if the shoes was on the other foot. Make him look at his actions from your perspective. he would not tolerate you being verbally abusive would he? Then tell him it is not acceptable from either. Sometimes that works with my old man. If he does something I have him look at from my point of view. he usually gets it then. You could always try. If he continues I would say let him go. Good luck!
2007-10-23 15:49:27 · answer #5 · answered by Unsure 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just from personal experience, usually when someone is accusing you of something (even if you didn't do a thing), they're trying to put the blame on you for something they're doing or trying to hide. I understand you love him and it's hard to figure things out, but sweetie, you deserve better than to put yourself in a relationship where you will be constantly on a roller coaster of accusations your left to defend. Is it worth it? Do you want to spend more time defending actions you haven't even committed? You can't change people. And, I wouldn't say 'move on' and start dating others, but maybe if he sees you can 'move on' without him as far as hanging out with your girls and whatever it is you like to do, he'll see you're not waiting around for him. Then, things will either work out the way they were intended to, or he'll move on to do what he does best. You're not losing him - you're gaining who you are back!
Good luck hun!
2007-10-23 15:47:38 · answer #6 · answered by nicolettedimon 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend of three years has done the same. I've noticed when he wanted to fight about "anything" something was wrong. Well come to find out he was "friends" with someone else. I just told him straight up, if you want to be with somebody else you can.... Because I fell we all need to be treated with respect and if he's not giving you that move on. I'm not saying it's going to be easy cause it's not!! Good Luck!
2007-10-23 15:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by love you R.J. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave him....don't let him punish yourself for something you honestly didn't do. Obviously you're not the one whose in fault here, he is the one who has a problem and seriously needs to explain himself not you... You've known him for 8 yrs and a half but its not like every second of those eight years you see him, so you still can't be sure how much you really know him....
All i'm saying is try not to waste your years with a guy who doesn't want you.. Don't let him waste your coz nobody's worthy of doing that unless you let them...
2007-10-23 16:19:23 · answer #8 · answered by EmeryJae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to leave him, I know you dont want to hear this but, hes done this multiple times to you! This has just happened to me except I've known him for two years and we were only goin out for two months! And hes already got a gf (we broke up two days ago)! Leave him be until he proves to you that he really does wanna go back out!!
2007-10-23 15:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by ~nickle_finder~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is very disrespectful to you. Friend, boyfriend what ever you don't need to be treated like that. There are tons of guys out there who are not butt holes. I think you should move on. You keep letting him treat you like this that is why he keeps doing this to you. Put your foot down and don't let him treat you this way.. Love hurts girl but you do get over it and you will move on that is why we have our friends and family to help us through hard times... I hope you don't take his crap any more....GOOD LUCK!
2007-10-23 15:53:04 · answer #10 · answered by garden_mom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're much more worth it,than he is! thats why he keeps on coming back to you!
may be he's accusing you falsely just so that he can actually be with the other girl.... the other girl may well be backing off becuase of the fact that he's with you.
just give him his space..... let him decide-he'll come to his senses!if he's a gentleman he'll come back to you,if he doesnt then he's just an bum!
hold on...
2007-10-23 15:49:36 · answer #11 · answered by f@r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋