my fiance and i are wanting a nice garden wedding but his parents are upset because they are very catholic, we are non practicing catholic and bapitist. how can i make them happy, without changing what we want...
2007-10-23 07:11:52 · 29 answers · asked by s_denay 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
See if you can get a Catholic priest to perform the ceremony at the garden. Then you get all the pomp and circumstance, just in a different location.
Best of luck with the in-laws
2007-10-23 09:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your ceremony should be a reflection of you two. If you're not religious, then it doesn't really make sense to have a big, traditional, Catholic wedding. Besides, if I remember correctly, the non-catholic partner may have to go through Confirmation or some classes in Catholicism before being allowed to get married in the Catholic church. That seems a bit pointless if you don't have any intentions of being a practicing Catholic.
If the two of you are paying for your wedding, have whatever kind of ceremony you want. I love the idea of a garden wedding. You can have a non-denominational minister perform a Christian ceremony that is not specifically Catholic or Protestant, of you can have a judge or JOP perform a non-religious ceremony. By the way, you can have a nice non-religious wedding that has all the music, poetry, and ceremony you want - just without the religion part.
You and your fiance should talk to his parents and explain that while you love them and respect their beliefs, you do not share those beliefs. It's important that the two of you are able to stand up for yourselves. Parents usually mean well but can be a bit too demanding and overbearing with weddings.
2007-10-23 14:24:23 · answer #2 · answered by SE 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First, you cannot please everyone. They must understand you are not Catholic, so why would you want a Catholic wedding? He must explain that you aren't Catholic, and you aren't comfortable with that. You can appease her by having a minister perform the wedding ceremony possibly.
My fiance's family is really into their Catholic church while I am a former Catholic and he never goes to church. We were very firm right from the start that we weren't having a wedding in the Catholic church. His mother was very troubled by that from the start (we're marrying on the beach in StThomas), so she talked to her friend who is a priest. He told her as long as we really love each other, it doesn't matter. Our officiant is a minister, and the ceremony is Christian. I'm not personally anti-God, I just don't go for the Catholic church, so this was a great compromise on our part. It may work for you. Good luck...and believe me, it will get worse when kids hit the scene.
2007-10-23 15:30:40 · answer #3 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to marry in the Catholic Church, you need to meet with the priest and you and your fiance will have to make some promises. You also have to go through the marriage sessions and so forth. Since one of the partners is not catholic, there will need to be a waiver for the ceremony to be conducted. This will give you the opportunity to speak with the Priest and come to an agreement that will meet most of your wishes. Keep in mind that you can have a "Catholic" ceremony without the full mass. Also, you can have a Priest perform the wedding in a garden.
I attended a wedding, recently, that was held outside of a church. The officiant was a Catholic Priest. Different diocese have different protocols. Some still wont let inter-faith marriages occur without the non-Catholic converting and others are fine with the other remaining, Jewish, Muslim, etc. Bottom line is you have to talk to your Priest. Tradition and Cannon Law are two different things.
2007-10-23 14:23:00 · answer #4 · answered by MetroGirl 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you and your fiance are in agreement about a non-Catholic ceremony, and since his parents are the ones protesting, I think it's his responsibility to explain to his parents that a non-Catholic is what you and he both want. I'll be getting married soon, and I was raised Catholic, while my fiance was not. We are having a Catholic ceremony, but only because he agreed. If he had said that he was uncomfortable with a Catholic ceremony, I would be fine without it and it would take on the responsibility of explaining to my parents that it was a mutual decision. Good luck and congratulations on your engagement!
2007-10-23 14:39:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it was your fiance that wanted the catholic ceremony, you'd have a problem. Since its his parents, it's understandable that they're upset, but it's not their wedding, its yours. The best approach would probably be for you and your fiance to sit down with them and calmly explain that you want a garden wedding and why you want it. Also tell them that you understand they really want the catholic ceremony, and ask them what you can do to help them feel included in this. When it comes down to it though, its your wedding, not theirs.
2007-10-23 14:27:20 · answer #6 · answered by sarai_kristi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was okay for both of you...you could have catholic traditions. Like the unity candles, the bible readings, and possible a hymn (not sure how to spell that!) Let them know that you respect the fact that they want a tradional catholic wedding, but you would like to keep it modern by adding in just a couple things. I think the location is way important and it is your wedding so you need to make sure that you don't start giving them what they want or before you know it the whole wedding will be there ideas and not yours. Good luck and congrats!
2007-10-23 14:18:27 · answer #7 · answered by SEA GAL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Years down the road, you will regret not following your heart in your wedding. I have a sister and cousin that did the wedding for the family and both greatly regret it (10 +yrs later). My husband and I had a very nontraditional wedding outside. I have no regrets about any of our choices. Granted we didn't have a lot of pressure do do it normal. Maybe you can find a compromise, traditional catholic things done outside (I'm not catholic, I don't know how that works) or half inside half out. But I encourage you to be firm in what you want, it's worth it. Maybe you shouldn't share every decision with your parents, it's not their wedding, even if they are paying for it, and there are never any "have to's" and never any "you can't do that".
2007-10-23 14:29:48 · answer #8 · answered by magnaliadieos 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, HE needs to stand up to them. They need to know the he wants the kind of wedding that you both are desigening. Otherwise they will hate you as the bad guy (gal) that 'took their son from the Lord.'
I work with couples that have the same kind of story. What they often do is add a nice wedding prayer during the ceremony.
Also, ask the person marrying if they are willing to talk to them if they have a problem. I strongly support the wedding couple choice for their kind of weddding, and if the minister or officant tells them to be happy for you two and cool the nonsence, the will listen. (Trust me, I've had to sit a few people down before/after the ceremony.)
Remember it's you and your fiance's wedding. You should have a cereomny that reflects your love for one another.
And Congradulations!
2007-10-23 15:06:52 · answer #9 · answered by DRD 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My friend went through the same thing. Her husband's family is Catholic. They had an outdoor wedding and some sort of blessing in the church on another day. The parents were happy and they were able to have a nice outdoor wedding. See if the church will do that.
2007-10-23 14:23:17 · answer #10 · answered by Peace 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋