Am I being unreasonable about babies at our wedding?

Question

My partner's sister will have a one year old and his step brother will have is 7month old, due to be at our wedding next July.
However, I am not keen on having babies at the church and then sat around the tables at the wedding meal. The tables will look lovely and will have chair covers etc etc. So, hence therefore I am not really willing to have tacky old looking highchairs (the venue supplies) for the babies. So I have said they can come but I am not giving them a place at the table. (Therefore will not be havcing a meal - parents should rbing their own in a pot or something). They can sit in their pushchair or on their parents lap - there is not enough places left also.
Help, I dont want to offend anyone, but its our wedding at the end of the day, yes they're my partner's family but he thinks whatever I want. Please, any suggestions.???

Answer 1

no. They shouldn't be at functions such as weddings because they are far too young to be entertained for hours on end and get irritated easily. Not only that, but they end up being the focal point and this is your wedding. Most parents would want to enjoy themselves instead of making sure the baby is content. Don't you think?

Answer 2

I think you have two choices:

1. Say "no kids, sorry" and accept that your family members may choose not to attend.

2. Invite the kids, and accommodate them. Pushchairs take up FAR more space than a high chair, and frankly, everyone will have a better time if the kids are comfortable. As for food, I can't imagine anyone expecting you to order a meal for the little ones. At those ages, they're not going to each much in the way of table food and I'm sure their parents will come prepared, or simply share their meals.

You sound quite young, and I rather imagine you'll see this issue quite differently in 10 years when you're trying to figure out what to do with your small child during a loved one's wedding.

It is your option to exclude children, but if you do include them, please be a gracious host. Your guests' comfort and enjoyment should take priority over your desire to avoid "tacky old highchairs."

Answer 3

I wrote on my reception cards that it would be an "adult cocktail hour followed by dinner recpetion". People knew right from the start there were to be no kids under 15. As far as you saying you think highchairs are tacky and they take up too much room, don't you think it will be more tacky and crowded with a bunch of mismatched carriages in the room? And how are people going to enjoy anything if they have to try to keep their kids in their lap? I'm sure you don't want to hear about negative things about your wedding from these people for the rest of your life. I don't really think they should come at all, and most people enjoy going to a wedding without their kids. If they do want to bring the kids, I think you should go with the highchairs and I'm sure they may have slipcovers for them too somewhere, look around. If it's only a few kids coming, it shouldn't be too expensive. I would at least accomodate them in that sense, but if the kids are only a year old or younger, than there is no need to provide a meal for them since you usually only get 1 or 2 choices for children's meals, and they're too young to eat them.

Answer 4

It is your wedding, and the bride does what she wants!

I wouldn't have any problem with having the babies there. Then again, I am a mommy and I don't see things that way. Just remember that not all babies will sit and cry and whine...and if they do the parents usually get up and take them out of the room.

Just remember someday you may want to go to an important wedding/event and you may have a small child. Would you be offended if someone told you, that you couldn't bring your child there. It is just a high chair, you should be dancing the night away and having fun, I don't think anyone is going to say anything about a highchair.

Then again, this is totally my opinion, you should do whatever you are comfortable with. Just remember, you may be losing guests as well.

Answer 5

It is OBVIOUS that you are clueless when it comes to babies and toddlers. I was too until I had my own.

No one.. and I mean NO ONE is going to think a single thing about a high chair being at a table. And certainly the venue would not charge you for a plate for a baby. Parents of kids this age WILL bring their own food. The 7 month old is most likely still on formula or baby foods. The one year old is probably just getting used to regular table food.

Also, kids of that age are a lot less likely to sit still on a parent's lap as opposed to a high chair. And the high chair will take up a lot less space than a stroller, believe me on that. And while seated at a high chair, the parents can offer their own food to the baby, if they choose to do so.

Your concerns are very very superficial and selfish. I think you need to re-evaluate your own priorities. The comfort and happiness of your guests is far more important that the "atmosphere". Long after the wedding is over, people will have forgotten what your colors were or that you had chair covers. But they will never forget that you made them feel that they and their child were unwelcome.

Answer 6

Just my opinion but at 1 year old and 7 months old I'm not leaving my child to a baby sitter unless they are family. Since it is a family member getting married chances are there won't be lots of family waiting around for baby sitting jobs. Also, you don't have to have a meal for these children. But the parents aren't bringing the food in "POTS" either. I'm sure they will take a diaper bag along with all the necessities just as they do when they go anywhere else. Its your wedding, you can do what you want, and if you don't want kids there then that's your choice but chances are some of the guests with little ones will not come.

Answer 7

The message you're sending out is that, "Your children are not worth my thinking or caring about."

Look, the ceremony is not all about you, despite the hype today. It's about sharing your day with your friends and family. It's about them showing you that they support this union. The least you can do is show them that you have respect for them, as people and as parents.

If you truly do not want children there, then say so clearly on the invitations. But be prepared for some people to put their families first, which is as it should be, and not come to your wedding. I have had friends who have been so worried about a child crying "at an inopportune time" or making a mess that they forgot the joy children can bring. They refused to have children come and were offended when some of us opted not to go since we couldn't take our kids. If you're so concerned about the looks of your wedding, maybe you can ask a friend who's handy with a sewing machine to make covers for the high chairs. I agree that you don't necessarily have to provide a meal for a child not yet eating but to not even allow a space at the table for them just comes across as cold.

There's a lot of things I don't remember about my wedding. The one thing I do vividly recall is walking down the aisle in my gown, everyone's hushed when suddenly you hear, "Oh! So pretty!!" from a 2-year old! My marriage didn't last but I will always remember Ellen's face and her excitement for me because she thought I was the prettiest princess she'd ever seen.

Answer 8

Obviously, we can't make this decision for you...

I will say that you need to either have kids or not. In my experience, most people with kids prefer to leave them with a babysitter and enjoy a nice evening out, so it's really not an issue.

However, I will say this: no one (not one person) is really going to care if there are high chairs at the tables. No one will remember the next day (or by the end of the night, to be completely honest).

And yes, the kids are your partner's sister's kids, but you are marrying your partner, which means that they're going to be YOUR nephews, too. Do you really want to exclude your new family, and risk offending new SIL? Is it worth it? Yes, it's your day and all that jazz, but trust me, your in-laws will be around WAY AFTER all this is said and done. If it's worth the risk to have the "perfect day," then go for it.

Answer 9

At other weddings, the bride or someone locally, got a good reliable baby sitter to keep any children at their home during the wedding and reception. This was especially helpful for out of town guests who had no way of getting a baby sitter. Each of the parents gave $10 per child. The baby sitter ended up making over $80 and was very happy. It was a win/win situation.
I don't think anyone wants crying babies at their wedding or reception. Plus the babies will get tired and cranky no matter how good they are and that way the parents can stay longer and not be so stressed.

Answer 10

I wonder if your sister has embraced her husband's family because most of your family displays the unbelievable selfishness that you are displaying here. I understand your wedding is important, and should be seen as equally important to her sister in law's. However, you seem to have glossed over the miscarriage as though it was a mere footnote to your important event, instead of a traumatic and grief-worthy event in your sister and her husband's life. It was sweet of her to ask you how you would feel if she was pregnant for your wedding day. Very considerate and shows a level of consideration that you have not shown her. Having said that, I find it a bit controlling and negative that her mother in law has said dismissively, "Well the dresses can't be let out" for her sister in law's wedding. How does she know, and why could the bridal shop not order a maternity dress in the same or a coordinating color for your sister if need be. Her comment is the only thing holding me back from insisting that perhaps she has found a level of love and consideration with her in-laws that she never had in her "own" family. Family is whom you choose.

Answer 11

I could go two ways on this. I like what sstawick said but I will bring up the counter.

yes it is your wedding and it is about you but at the same time are you so selfish that you can't make these accommodations for family. family and their support are all you really have and you are willing to damage that so your wedding is in your mind picture perfect.

I would not be willing to do that to my family but i would encourage them to leave the kids at home and enjoy themselves.

I get angry when i go out with my wife to a nice place and someone brings their baby. i spend $75 or more for dinner to have a crying baby destroy the atmosphere. So at that point I would not want a crying baby at my wedding. Last thing you need is the smell of dirty diapers in the church or at dinner.

I would STRONGLY recommend they leave the babies at home in a polit manor....so they can have fun. the best thing might be to tell all of the guests that kids under (age) are not allowed. This will get the point accross and you wont target them specifically.