I have a 14yr old step daughter. She lives with her father and me. Just this year she stopped talking to me. She tells her mother everything and she tells us nothing. We ask her questions like do you have a boyfriend? She say's no and walks away to call her mom and tell her all about the boy's she like. She does this so I can hear her. I feel like she does this purposly to hurt me. She has always been a good kid with straight A's and almost alway's very respectful. She is not rude to me but it hurts my feeling that she won't talk to me. She gives one word answers basically saying "I have nothing to say to you" in a very sweet voice. Does that sound strange to anyone? or is it just me overreacting? Her father and I have told her a few times she can always come to us for anything and we will do our best to help. She say's "OK" (very sweetly of course) and never talks about anything with us. What should I do.
2007-10-23 05:39:41 · 6 answers · asked by TKPBG 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
thats the way teen are soon or later she'll want something or borrow something
2007-10-23 05:45:41 · answer #1 · answered by sandi s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was 8 years old (I am now 20), my father married my step mother. By the time I was your step daughter's age, I acted the exact same way and treated my step mother the same way she is treating you. At that age, I had no idea I was hurting her so badly because I was so self-involved. Most girls that age are.
You state that you think your step daughter does these things intentionally to hurt you. My step mom thought the same thing - that wasn't the case. As I stated above, I was too self-involved to realize that I was hurting her and (forgive me if this sounds rude) that is probably the case with your step daughter.
My dad would talk to me and tell me that I had hurt my step mother's feelings but coming from him, those words didn't matter. There were times I remember my step mom sitting down and talking to me and really telling me how she felt. She told me the things I did that hurt her feelings and how they made her feel. I suggest you do this with your step daughter. She may very well not realize what she is doing - she is a teenager after all.
It's very important that when you discuss this with her, you express how you feel and do not make accusatory statements such as "You always do this" or "You do that just to hurt me." Those kind of statements will only make her defensive and she will shut you out more. Just try to open the lines of communication and tell her how you feel and give her the oppurtunity to tell you how she feels.
I know this sounds silly but try to make the first discussion brief so that you don't lose her interest and then revisit the topic later.
Good luck and feel free to e-mail me if you need anything!
2007-10-23 13:37:28 · answer #2 · answered by Christy ☪☮e✡is✝ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try and do some bonding on your own with this young girl by taking her on a shopping excursion. There is usually lots of talking when the ladies go out for a meal and a day of shopping. Try having some time with just the two of you and allow yourselves to get to know each other a bit better. It is probably just a teen phase that she is going through. As well she is no different than any other kid from divorced/separated parents believing that someday her family will reunite and everything will be aligned once again with the stars. But kids don't always understand that their patents just can't be together. But I feel that if you were to do something with just you and her that it would help your relationship and may even have some trust and respect develop. Best of luck.
2007-10-23 12:49:35 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's being a typical thoughtless, bratty teen. You and your husband need to sit her down and lay down some basic house rules. One, civility, the sweet tone of voice means nothing, communication is what is needed here. Two, she needs to respect both of you and talk to both of you or send her to live with her mother (which might be the best solution).
She is going out of her way to be cruel and thoughtless and she needs to be held accountable for her bad behavior. By ignoring it and kowtowing to her she has no guidance and no accountablity and will continue to get worse and worse until she is unbearable.
You tell her to come to you with anything and she uses that same phony sweet tone and that's it; she'll never learn anything with that approach.
2007-10-23 12:51:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Maybe the messy divorce has her mother and father went through has something to do with it. Or you're ugly. I'm not one to judge.
2007-10-23 12:55:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop feeding into it. Let her know that if she needs her space, she's more than welcome to it. I have a feeling she's doing it for a power struggle or attention. Or maybe she's conflicted and feels telling you will betray her mom. I'm certain mom has some input into this situation.
2007-10-23 12:49:57 · answer #6 · answered by Fancy That 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋