I'm 23 years old and currently living out of the country. I just found out that where I'm living will be charging me a rent (it was contracted to be free). Most of the time, I am at my boyfriend's anyways since my room doesn't have a kitchen, i can't have guests, the bathroom facilities are in the hall etc.
I want to leave where I'm living now and move in with my boyfriend. (The rent I would be paying for my room is about equivalent to half of my boyfriend's rent). I'm afraid afraid afraid to tell my very conservative, Catholic parents. I don't want to lie to them either. I'm very responsible, never gotten into trouble, have a job, and will one day marry my boyfriend (right now it's a question of money).
Therefore, if you were my parent, would you want to know the truth even if it hurt, or would you rather still think I'm "mommy/daddy's little girl"? (If you want the truth, how would you prefer I break it to you?)
2007-10-23 05:39:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I happen to have children your age. You are obviously a responsible adult and it sounds like you are supporting yourself. Your parents don't always have to approve of your choices. If you are a responsible, considerate and caring person, then they should be proud of you....In the grand scheme of things, pre-marital sex is not the worst thing that can happen to a young adult and if your parents think that at 23 you are still a virgin, then they are deluding themselves. You should be able to honest with them without losing their respect. I would explain it to them just like you phrased the questions. Their reaction is their responsiblity. You might be surprised at how they take the news.
2007-10-23 06:19:52 · answer #1 · answered by antbuggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am old; not THAT old, but a "senior" citizen. I am amazed at how much standards have changed.
It is commendable that you do not want to lie to your parents; that is a start.
You say you are "very responsible, never gotten into trouble", yet you describe a situation that says just the opposite. (As I say, a change of standards.)
I am not Catholic (well, I was baptized as a Catholic so I could marry the woman who became my wife), was raised in various churches, but I am very Conservative.
People should be responsible for their actions, not expect their parents (No, not you) or the government to bail them out.
Wanting to tell your parents is being responsible.
As to how, try to find a time when things are "fuzzy, warm" and just start talking about your life, your job, bring your boy friend into it, then tell them what is going on, what you want.
I have no doubt that they, as I would, will say, "Get married first!"
After all, when you have been around for awhile, you have "been there, done that" (or at least heard all the stories). While it may be YOUR intention, even your boyfriends intention, to one day marry "when you have the money", things change, things don't always work out...And, as one of the old sayings goes, "It is better to be safe than sorry".
I mean, no matter what you might do, what would you do in the event you become pregnant, but have not told your parents?
In the end, search your HEART (first), then search your conscience; talk it out with your boyfriend, and do what you feel is RIGHT.
Good luck.
I would want to know the truth
2007-10-23 06:42:07 · answer #2 · answered by Nothingusefullearnedinschool 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a parent, I would want to know the truth, even if it hurt, or made me upset. I think you are asking, because you already know what their reactions will be to the announcement.
You say that you plan on marrying this boyfriend in the future, and that now it is a question of money. Well, if that were the case and everyone waited until they were financially secure, no one would get married or have children for that matter...the perfect time sometimes never comes.
Do not bring this subject up with your parents as a financial arrangement. They would rather see you moving in with this man, because you are planning a future with him rather than because it is the right financial decision, even though that may be another reason. If they are as conservative as you are saying, there may be no RIGHT way to tell them. But, by no means do this and try to hide it from your parents, you will lose their trust and faith in you as a person. Honesty is the best policy!
2007-10-23 06:05:21 · answer #3 · answered by txmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
23 is young. In the 20s decade a woman changes quite a bit. It would be honoring your parents if you inform them of your activities. the fact that you value their opinion enough to be scared of telling them is actually a good thing as it says to me you still are not mature enough for the kind of thing you are doing. I think you should congratulate yourself on not wanting to lie to them. Even though they wouldnt be happy to hear of your plans, the honesty will be appreciated.
I dont know how long you have known this boy but 3 years of close contact is necessary before one considers marriage.
Another issue is the contract that was supposed to be free. If you have that in writing, then you do not have to pay.
I think I would advise you to be on your own in any way possible now and not move in with boyfriend-even if you had no living parents I would say that simply because you are very young.
2007-10-23 06:07:21 · answer #4 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mum and dad did no longer believe in cohabitation the two. besides the shown fact that, it aspects an danger to appreciate how human beings somewhat are merely before making the dedication. you somewhat do no longer understand in case you could stay with somebody for greater useful or worse in case you haven't any longer lived with them. you could tell your mum and dad til your blue interior the face you haven't any longer had intercourse, yet they are going to believe what they choose. you ought to to describe intercourse can take place whether you do stay an hour away and notice one yet another on the weekends. As on your wedding ceremony in the event that they gained't pay for it then the two one among you pay for it. I understand custom besides the shown fact that, issues are greater high priced now days. I paid for my own wedding ceremony and that i does not have replaced that fact for something. i did no longer could trouble approximately somebody asserting this is undemanding so which you would be able to %. out, your no longer buying it. Or i'm no longer buying that, issues like that weren't a trouble for me. I had the marriage i wanted and that i favored it greater. Your mum and dad love you they are going to attend your wedding ceremony and recover from it.
2016-10-04 10:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the truth.
But ultimately, I don't think that telling the truth is going to be the dilemma. Your conundrum is going to be whether or not, as an adult, you are going to heed your parent's wishes should they disagree with your intended move to your boyfriend's. That is going to be the test.
Best of luck to you!
2007-10-23 05:46:15 · answer #6 · answered by bmattj121 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get on some birth control before moving in with the BF, if you intend to really cohabit.
Quite frankly, it is none of the parents' business... don't ask and don't tell.
2007-10-23 06:09:11 · answer #7 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're going to make an adult decision make sure it's a good one. One you're going to be OK with telling to other adults.
2007-10-23 06:08:37 · answer #8 · answered by Critter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very few people can follow their own, their parents, and society's "ideal" situations, and if you know you are not one of them, just tell it like that to yourself, your parents and everyone else...
ideally probably your parents would be concerned... and even not approve... because of reasons you understand...
2007-10-23 05:49:18 · answer #9 · answered by AMIT G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy, is Jesus gunna be mad with you!
2007-10-23 05:57:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋