I'm divorced, have this boy and a girl, 12, both great kids. I make good money, but my life is somewhat messy, I'm involved with other women, so I'm frequently in the red. Last week I needed some cash and knew my boy had some money, so In asked him $200, said it was to buy some medicines. Since he's a sweetheart he lent me $300, all the money he had, and was very happy he could help me. Since I didn't sat when I''d pay him, he said no proble, it's with you, it's with God and gave me a big hug. But I had a different perspective and spent the money with a woman. God was mean to me and the boy found out. He got devastated, not mad or angry, but sad, disappointed. He's a very responsible student but the next day her couldn't get uo to go to school. I promised him in about 2 months I'll give him $600, promised a new ipod, a top line cell phone, but didn't work, his spirit is broken. His mom got to know and imagine what she said to me. Isn't he overreacting? what do I do now?
2007-10-23 05:12:48 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
im sure he dont wana get paid that bad. its the actions that hurt him.
2007-10-23 05:16:13 · answer #1 · answered by Biggs 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Eh, you can serve up the promise of food all you like, until you give him something real he'll still be starving, so to speak. It's all well and good to be promising him money and cell phones and ipods, but you're not giving him anything tangible to prove your words- you've already lied to him once, what's there to make him believe you now?
It sounds to me that your son is incredibly kind hearted and sweet and to be honest, I don't know if the promise of material goods would have an effect on his feelings towards you. You need to prove you love him not by giving him things but by giving him attention and love. Have you actually apologised to him for what you did? and I mean properly, don't just say "sorry!" sit down and tell him you realise that what you did was wrong and explain why you felt the need to do it. You clearly realise that you made a mistake, if you want him to forgive you and not drive him away then YOU need to make a conscious decision to change your behaviour. Stop spending your money on women, start spending it on your family and your home.
You need to make paying your son back your top priority, not because the money is important but because it's symbollic of the trust between the two of you, the trust you have broken. If you'll have enough money for all those things and $600 in a few months, why did you need to borrow the $200? You need to learn basic budgetry- if you don't have enough money for somethign now, wait a few months until you've saved up enough. Clearly your 12 year old son knows more about saving than you do- take a leaf out of his book and learn some responsibility. If you really love your children you need to make a possitive change within yourself, both for their sakes and your own- if you're not careful you will lose them forever.
In my opinion, God was not mean to you- you were mean to your son, and God was kind to him by revealing your shortcomings to him- he was kind to you too, he's given you a strong reason to sort yourself out.
2007-10-23 12:28:44 · answer #2 · answered by Heldor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're very quick to offload any responsibility for your own actions, aren't you? God wasn't mean to you at all, you shot yourself in the foot by lying in the first place. One, you should never ask your own son for money, that is terrible and two, you lied to him about it. He is absolutely right not to trust you and no, he isn't overreacting. he looked up to you, he loved you, he trusted you, you don't deserve such a great kid.
You say you are involved with other women and are frequently in the red, isn't it time (past time, actually) for you to grow up and face your responsibilites for yourself and for the sake of your son?
You're not in high school now, you are an adult, supposedly, and you need to stop womanizing and focus on living your life as a responsible human being and parent.
I feel so bad for your boy, with you for a father and his trust and love being shattered so thoughtlessly for no reason other than for you to show off with some mindless female who doesn't care about you or your son at all.
Time for you to grow up and prioritize your life and your values...which is more important to you, your women or your son?
Once you answer that question, truthfully, then you can go on and live your life decently.
In the meantime there is nothing you can do except work hard (you do work, I hope) and make up the money you promised him...again.
2007-10-23 12:43:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fernand he is not overacting at all. He trusted that you were being honest with him and you let him down. Then you attempted to buy his affections back by promising him money, cell phone and ipod. You are suppose to be the adult in this relationship and be setting the example for this young man to follow. If your a womanizer then this should not interfere with how you relate to your kids. Be honest with yourself as well as your son and do attempt to make amends to him, but not by buying his love. Show him that you are an adult and his father. Allow him to watch you become responsible and be proud of his dad. It may take some time to regain this trust that he had in you but it will more than likely return. However, if you continue to let him down this way eventually you will sabotage your relationship with this young man and you will end up feeling badly for doing so. Try and repay him as soon as possible and please be honest with him in the future if you need to borrow money again.
2007-10-23 12:22:10 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all , cut your affair with other women you made a promise between you and your wife in front of God(show an example to your boy), attend church meetings, Sunday services, and try not to always give material things to your boy, i know i'm a teen we get spiled by just getting those. try to bring your broken family back together again, it might take alot of time but if your willing to make your son love you again you'll have to perservere through the trials... hope this works. God always gives a second chance, so don't give up... God isn't mean to you it was your desicion to spend that money on adultery, wasn't God's decision... your kid wasn't overreacting he had the right to scream at you, punch you, and even run away from you, your blessed that he just doesn't talk to you he loves you.. he loves you so much... i know... GOD WILL FORGIVE YOU HE CAN MAKE ALL OF THIS DISAPPEAR!! YOUR SON LOVES YOU HE CAN FORGIVE YOU AND FORGET EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED WITH THE HELP OF GOD YOU BOTH CAN MOVE ON TO A BETTER RELATIONSHIP!!!
2007-10-23 12:20:37 · answer #5 · answered by phast_647_phreak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the most hurtful thing to know you let down your child. It hurts them even more. Your children should come first. Do what ever you need to do to pay him back and don't make unrealistic promises anymore. I'm sure if you get up the money to pay him, have a little talk and take him somewhere special that he likes to go, it will be fine. Do this fast b/c you don't want his school work to be affected by this.
PS. Consider cheaper dates. Order out and get a movie.
2007-10-23 12:23:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there,
First think i have to say is that this has nothing to do with god..or him being mean to you. This has alot to do with honesty, and trust. You must admit to your son that you were wrong, take responsibility and pay him back. Also, apologize for your deceiving way! He sounds like a great kid and you are very lucky to have him in your life. Dont burn your bridge or he will walk right out of your life! He is old enough to realize that you were wrong....fess up to it and make right by him! Good luck!
2007-10-23 12:45:23 · answer #7 · answered by jmu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry is not going to do it.He is only a kid.You have to spend some time with him, take him to an amusement park or go camping or fishing together.Do something you know he likes doing and treat him with the respect he deserves only than you would have a chance on making him feel better.All he has to see is you trying.He may not have the most fun with you or more fun than he has with his friends but you trying to make him happy is what counts and kids respect that believe me...Good Luck and stop spending money on woman......
2007-10-23 12:24:13 · answer #8 · answered by SUPERMAN 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's a horrible thing to lie to your son to get money for him. You're the parent, you should be supporting him and providing a stable loving environment, not blowing your money and time on women who are only chasing after your $$. It's going to take time to regain his trust. Until he actually sees some of these things you promised him back, he will not trust you will pay him back. You need to earn back his trust, and it will take time, but you've got to stick through it.
2007-10-23 12:17:38 · answer #9 · answered by blue_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that's harsh man...first of all how are you going to ask your 15 year old son for money...and to top it all off you spend it on a woman. Sorry, man, but that mistake costs a big one (what were you thinking?). He is in no way overrracting...you just have to wait it out and one day he will be ready to trust you again.
2007-10-23 12:20:25 · answer #10 · answered by gnomus12 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was very irresponsible of you to lie. If you need the money, you should have never told him why. Why are you spending ALL your money on women anyway? Your son is devastated and I don't think he'll ever get over it. Material things and money is not what he needs, he NEEDS a parent who can be honest with him.......... Sorry.
2007-10-23 12:19:52 · answer #11 · answered by I'm with Stupid. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋