My husband-to-be wants to put a note in our wedding invitations for April 2008 to the effect: "NO wedding gifts - not even money or shop vouchers please."
I feel as it (both) our second marriage(s) and we do not have a lot of money to spend on the wedding: any gift of any kind is welcome and the gift of money (or shop vouchers) is welcome, even just to offset the cost of the wedding.
Am I wrong to feel the gift of money or shop vouchers is welcome or should I go along with his idea of no gifts at all?
Our wedding, together with classic and modern Rock'n'Roll themed, bar-be-que reception will be at home.
We both have son's living with us: mine is 10yrs old and his is 20 and they will both be participating in the wedding, as groomsman and ring bearer.
2007-10-23 04:48:59 · 18 answers · asked by AussieLady 58 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The NO GIFTS idea was my husband-to-be's and I am not sure I am comfortable with adding anything to the invitations to this effect
2007-10-23 04:57:04 · update #1
Sorry but I think the wording in my question was misleading with the wording - (both) our second marriage(s) I meant we were married to other people before meeting each other - both our previous spouses have died.
2007-10-23 05:01:17 · update #2
Oh by the way : we maintain separate households and both, have furnishing etc for both.
Space will be a problem when we are all living in one household and as I am buying my home and he is renting, they will be moving into my home
2007-10-23 05:20:34 · update #3
There should be no mention of gifts/money/registries in your wedding invitations, even to say "NO gifts please".
Gifts are chosen by the giver, not by the receiver. If they wish to give you something nice, just be thankful and grateful.
If you prefer just money or gift cards, do not register for any gifts, and let your immediate family and friends know your wishes.
Guests who want to give you a gift will try to find out what you two need...and when they ask your bridal party or family, they will be told you don't need anything, but if they want to give you something, a nice card with a gift of money towards your home would be greatly appreciated.
Your wedding theme sounds fun...Just be careful with an "At home" wedding. Make sure there are enough bathrooms, enough seats and room for guests to be comfortable. Most homes are not large enough for wedding receptions, unless it is only going to be a group of 20 to 30 people.
Good luck and Congrats dear!
~Kat
2007-10-23 05:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Gifts should never be mentioned on a wedding invitation at all. Also money should never be expected to offset the cost of the wedding. If that is the case- then you need to scale down your wedding to reduce your costs.
Weddings are celebrations about two people deciding to share their lives together. Not about gifts, money or shop vouchers.
People will bring gifts if they want to- even if you said no gifts. However- just let your friends and family know that gifts are not expected. Anyways- sounds like your wedding will be fun with the Rock n Roll theme. Relax and enjoy it- it will be here before you know it.
2007-10-23 05:03:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should never mention anything about gifts on an invitation, even to say that you don't want any. While people tend to give smaller gifts for a second wedding, and some may choose not to give one at all, many people DO want to give a gift as a gesture of well-wishes. If so, you should let them. It comes across as somewhat aggressive to make a big deal about it. Remember that gifts are always given at the will of the giver, not the recipient. If people choose to give you a gift, accept it graciously.
2007-10-23 05:48:14 · answer #3 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you already live together and probably have everything you need for the home I wouldn't go register anywhere, but at the same time I would not request that no gifts are given. Are you going on a honeymoon? My mom and step dad basically had more than half of theirs paid for because they set it up to where people could send checks to the travel agency if they wanted to... I think that's a really good idea and it will help with expenses. If not something like that, maybe just request that instead of gifts from a store that people give you cash or check as you already have everything that people would normally give as wedding gifts (ie. home appliances, dishes, etc.).
2007-10-23 05:14:08 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Infatuation 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are entitled to your own feelings and need to work together toward a compromise. I will tell you about my situation. My HTB and I are marrying in May, first wedding for both, we have been living together for about 2 months and have lived independently for quite some time. Instead of asking or expecting gifts, we are requesting dontations to a cancer center. We are having a fairly big wedding and DO NOT expect gifts to offset the costs of the wedding. We chose to have our wedding large and elaborate (and paid for by us) when we could have had a smaller one to save money.
Sorry to say I agree with your HTBs intent, just not the mentioning it on the invitations part.
2007-10-23 04:56:44 · answer #5 · answered by Angela O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your fiance has the right intentions, but by putting in the invites "no wedding gifts, not even gift cards, etc." makes it sound like he feels guilty for even having a wedding ceremony and asking people to attend.
I think that I would either put "No Gifts Please" Or don't put anything and accept the gifts that people bring. Some will bring something whether he wants to or not because it is the nice thing to do.
You could just tell him that rather than putting something on the invite about not bringing gifts, that leaving it up to the guests to decide whether they want to bring something is the easiest and least uncomfortable situation you could put yourselves in. That way no one needs to ask you about it.
2007-10-23 04:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be okay to write no gifts please on the invitations. In that case, I would just give a gift of money as a guest. Personally I would not put anything about "not even money or shop vouchers". It sounds pretty demanding and some people will feel bad not giving anything (I know I would).
2007-10-23 06:47:34 · answer #7 · answered by vaya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You husband is right.
It's not propper etiquette to expect gifts for a second wedding, This is a double second wedding, so gifts should not be expected and no registry should be set. Why? Because your guests are probably the same as the ones that were invited to your first wedding, so since they've already gifted you before, they're not obligated to gift you again. That's how it works. New friends/acquaintances that did not gift/attend your first wedding will gift you. When asked, you can hint that you have a furnished home already and that gift cards would be a good choice.
Any mention of gifts on the invitation is in poor taste, even if it's to say that you don't want any. If you guys do not want any gifts, this information should be given by word-of-mouth. Some people will show up witha gift anyway, so do not worry as some people will gift you.
Good luck
2007-10-23 04:54:05 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 5⤊ 4⤋
As other answerers have said, any mention of gifts on an invitation is not proper etiquette. While I understand your HTB's intention, it's still not proper to dictate to your guests what they can and cannot do....
To that end, I agree with the answerer who suggested that if guests want to give a gift, they can donate to your favorite charity - with one caveat. You'd be better suited to let guests know (if they ask!) that you would LOVE a donation made in your name to THEIR favorite charity. Reason being, everyone supports different causes for different reasons. I know, I know - it's charity and it shouldn't offend anyone, but people tend to be uncomfortable with some charities, and you're still allowing guests to choose how to spend their money.
Of course, with that said, some people will still give you gifts. Just thank them graciously and enjoy being married!!!
2007-10-23 06:27:42 · answer #9 · answered by sylvia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your post sounds so, so, well, so terribly greedy - as though you were inviting guests solely for whatever duty they render unto Caesar (that's you). I'm sure that's not the message you wish to send but that's what I read - especially since additional posts argue the point that it is your fiance's wish for no gifts, not yours.
Please tell me you are not that selfish and greedy.
Now then, as to the question, while yes, it is QUITE inappropriate to ask FOR specific gifts (such as money or shop vouchers), it is considerably less so to ask that no gifts are desired.
One could print in the invitation something like:
"Please, your presence is all the gift we desire..."
"No gifts please - your good wishes are all one could ask for."
or something to that effect.
Rest assured, people will still want to gift you with something - anything. But truly the anticipation of gifts (or duty) is NOT why you invite people to a wedding - even if you're strapped for funds. The answer to that is a more modest wedding - not an entrance fee.
2007-10-23 06:04:43 · answer #10 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋