A Stranger Next To Me -- Feedback, please!?

Question

I wrote this poem and am in the process of publishing it, as well as others. I would love some feedback

Stranger Next To Me

I woke up this morning
with a stranger in my bed.
He was laying in the spot
where you’d always been.
I wondered how he got there
and why he wasn’t you.
Don’t remember when I met him
or how this could be true.
I didn’t recognize this man,
as he lay sleeping next to me.
Though he sort of looked like you,
I knew this couldn’t be.
Your loving arms around me-
had once felt so safe and strong;
but with his same arm slung over me
I felt trapped and in the wrong.
His body next to mine
had me feeling ill at ease.
His smell was reminiscent of you
but that offered no relieve.
Then I started thinking of you
and the way things used to be;
I wondered where it is you’ve been,
and that’s when it occurred to me.
All this time-
I don’t know how I hadn’t seen,
that indeed you’d become
this stranger next to me.

Answer 1

Hi. that is great it shows how a woman feels when the relationship has gone stale and she no longer recognises her man as the one she fell in love with ... MORE MORE MORE !!! and good luck with publishing xx.

Answer 2

Your ideas are good and it's obvious that you've put work and care into the development of your concept here.

A little bit of editing might be helpful, though. Start with your word processor, using the suggestions there ('lying' for 'laying' for example) and then find someone with grammar and word usage skills to look over your work and brush it up.

Good luck, and I hope this helps!

Answer 3

I awakened this morning with a stranger in my mattress. He became into laying in the spot the place you’d consistently (BEEN) I puzzled how he have been given there and why he wasn’t you. Don’t undergo in suggestions as quickly as I met him or how this could be actual. I didn’t know this guy, as he lay drowsing next to (ME) although he form of regarded such as you, I knew this couldn’t be. Your loving hands around me- had as quickly as felt so risk-free and robust; yet together with his comparable arm slung over me I felt trapped and in the incorrect. His physique next to mine had me feeling sick comfortable. His scent became into resembling (YOU) yet that provided no relieve. Then i began thinking of you and how issues was once; I puzzled the place that's you’ve been, and that’s while it happened to me. All this time- I don’t understand how I hadn’t seen, that certainly you’d grow to be this stranger next to (ME) i think of the poem is stable, the stanza and rhyming is slightly out as I truly have highlighted, yet could be truly corrected with merely slightly concept....yet a robust attempt properly executed.

Answer 4

It's amazing. I think that you have a great talent at this and you don't need to change anything. There is a lot of feeling and emotion in such a short poem. Keep them coming--I'll buy your book!! :-)

Answer 5

The poem is hott.Been there done that too.(At least at the end I know you didnt pick up some whacko from the internet or bar, brought him home and who he was was a real mystery.LOL)

Answer 6

Sounds like you got issues! Nice poem!!

Answer 7

Well written...my only criticism is that it would flow better if you evened out the lines.

Keep writing.

Answer 8

It is nice but as the other lady said its alot like Tamia- Stranger in my house. but you say in your bedn in stead of house.

Answer 9

It is very similar to a song by Tamia- Stranger in my house.
youtube it if you don't know it. but its nice

Answer 10

ohhh i really like it!! your really good at writing poems, i think it all goes together and fits correctly. their was no confusion or "what does that mean" in the poem ^-^