I'm going to ask this again... but with better details?

Question

First off - I am so unsure of myself and mentally unstable I have no guts to talk to anyone (anymore). My husband has made me so self conscience, and afraid no one will take me seriously and I don't want to break down in front of someone, because my issues are about as emotional as they can be for a woman. I don't speak of them to anyone, not even a couselor because I'm afraid they will laugh at me and agree secretly in their head.

This is the major part why I am stuck in this situation. I am ashamed and embarrassed to the point of not talking to anyone about it, and my husband can turn this issue around on me. And people will agree with him...

I know I'm going to be told to get over and speak what is on my mind but I can't.... it's trying to tell God you are sleeping with his son... or something as terrible.

Can They make him leave? Can they put him in the dorms? I'm a mess and dont feel anything will be solved. I'm in Japan. If we were station in the US it wouldn't be so bad

Here's the original question.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=As1qantd71QeE3TYZ5ecyFLsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071023061912AAOQIoV

Answer 1

If you are on Kadena, there is a house behind the BX (on the corner behind the BX/ Pentagon FCU/ and the fast food strip.) It's for women who are in need of help. You will be allowed to stay there and they will have women to help you.

If you on on mainland Japan, there should be a similar house on base there, although I'm not sure where it's at.

Answer 2

Yes, if your husband is a Soldier his command can put him in the dorms. I've seen it happen before. Military housing is designed to be for the comfort of the dependants.

But he can't be sent to the dorms if you don't talk to anyone. I urge you to talk to the chaplain or FRG. I was stationed in Germany and was going through a tough time so I talked to my chaplain. I've had good experiences with it. If you feel like you need help, you NEED to ask for it.

Don't be embarrassed about crying in front of the chaplain. I promise you, you won't be the first to do it. I'll admit I've done it.

The chaplain will also be able to point you in the right direction regarding support groups.

Don't worry about base gossip either. If you've spent anytime on an overseas base you know as well as I do that gossip is rampant. First, the most important thing is your well being and the chicken headed people don't matter at all. Second, I've noticed most people, even the soldiers, side with the spouse anyway.

You need to get yourself help, so please tell someone. They can indeed make him move into the barracks.

Answer 3

Unfortunately you will need to speak to the commander if you want him in the barracks - and yes this is possible .

You can still do an ERD - the 1st Shirt/1st SGT doesn't have final say on this! The Company commander doesn't even have final say - you need to speak to both of them but then take it to the Battalion level commander (or equivalent). No matter what you have or haven't done your husband can not hold you hostage nor can the 1st Shirt. But you WILL have to speak with someone first, have you contacted the Chaplain?!

This is often a great place to start for confidentiality, help and counseling if necessary. There are some stupid ones out there so you may have to go to more than one but I would start there as well as with the Company Commander. You DO NOT have to go through the 1st Shirt/SGT as you are not in the military!

and yes if you were in the US you would still have to speak to the CO, etc to get anything done military wise. You may also wish to speak to the police on base/JAG if you need a restraining order.

If you don't speak to someone they can't help you - not saying get over it just that nobody can help you if you aren't willing.

Hugs and I hope it works out for you.

Answer 4

I'm sorry, but you're being as clear as mud however it seem as you're saying that is you that is having the issues here. If that is the case then doesn't it make sense that you seek assistance for yourself? I'm not suggesting that you're wrong or right, but you seem to be very upset and (your own words) unstable!

Wherever you're stationed in Japan there has to be some sort of special services available to you whether it be the local Chaplain or some form of counseling, if you want to get help you're going to have to get up and seek help. Having your husband removed to live in the barrack is not going to resolve your problems.

If you seek out services for yourself, they're there to serve your needs, to help get you right with everything. The important thing you have to remember is nothing is impossible and there has to be somebody there who can help you. If you forsake hope there is no way for you to assist yourself.

Go see that Chaplain, he will help you to find a councilor if you can't talk with the Holy Joe. If you just sit there and stew in your own juices your problems are just going to get worst!

Answer 5

the only way ERD will be approved is if you divorce.

You can always choose to leave on your own dime. But this is what will happen: you will lose COLA for you and the kids. You will NOT be eligible for Family Separation allowance unless you would have otherwise been entitled to it. you will NOT be given BAH and he may be required to vacate housing and Live in the Barracks. If he lives off base, he will still get OHA, but as you know, that will only cover that rent.

Running away will NOT solve your problems. You need counseling. there are numerous places on base you can get help, from the Chaplains' office to the Family Support Center. There is also MilitaryOne Source online. Until you suck up your pride and fear of embarrassment and seek help, things will only get worse. What kind of life are you providing your children? what are you teaching them, that it is okay to be miserable?

Answer 6

Unfortunately, I can't help you with any information. This is not a problem that I've experienced in my career yet.

I will urge you to speak with a counselor or at least to a Chaplain. They are there to help you, and if they are at all worth the air they breath, they will do whatever they can to help you. Yahoo! Answers is NEVER the place to try to solve problems like these.

Also, I'm pretty sure that there is nothing stopping you (unless there are kids involved) from buying a plane ticket home; perhaps you can stay with family for a while...

Answer 7

First of all the Chaplin has to sign off on the ERD so you might benifit from talking to him first. You might have to tell your husbands command about your situation. If he being abusive they will put him in the barracks and fast track your ERD. If your husband first sgt isn't listening, go up the chain...and if you can't get his chain to listen (with givingthem the details) them go to IG. We were stationed in germany and one of my friends and to do an ERD...if you have any questions feel free to ask! Good luck

Answer 8

If you are both in the military, they can absolutely make him stay in the barracks. If you are not in the military they can still make him go to the barracks, but it depends on if you are trying to stay there. If you plan on working things out with him, they may make him stay in the barracks temporarily until you guys go through some kind of counseling.

Answer 9

Have you considered speaking with the unit Ombudsman or Chaplain?

Answer 10

You need to go and see a psychologist. They will not laugh at you and they will try to help you.