I need a bit of advice. My husband was living in NY for two months and is returning this weekend. He left because we were having marital problems. While he was in NY I heard he was bad mouthing my family, especially my parents. I have confronted him about it, and of course he denies it.
My sister has been watching our daughter while I am at work. She and my brother-in-law no longer want him in their house or ever speak to him again because of what he has said. My brother-in-law was his best friend back in NY.
I feel I am being put in the middle of this. Yes I am extremely angry at my husband for saying such horrible things about my family but I don't like third party gossip. I need to make sure that he really did say these things.
We used to spend holidays together and now we no longer can. I feel bad for my daughter because she will be missing her quality time with her cousins and the rest of the family.
Can someone give me advice as to how to resolve this issue?
2007-10-23 03:00:55 · 8 answers · asked by Double DD 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There is nothing you can do to mend the feelings of other relatives when it comes to your husband's talking behind their backs.
Also, you can't really "prove" your husband said anything, but i'm sure he did....
Let your brother in law handle it his own way... if you want to put up with some guy who has to talk about others to make himself feel better, then stay with him.
It's actually not YOUR problem.. it's your husband's.
2007-10-23 03:19:00 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All families argue and say things they should not say. My husband has said a few things about my family but, it was in the heat of anger and I was not stupid enough to run back and tell them. Who told you that he was bad mouthing your family? Who told your family? If you and your husband are trying to work things out the first rule is keep your family and his family out of your marriage. Do not let all know every detail as you and he will forgive they will not as you can see.
I think you should speak to your sister and let her know that this is a miss understanding and I think they are car ring it way to far. Cutting you and your child out of there life is really not what "family" doses. Your husband might have to go and explain what he really said and how he meant it.
In addition the person who started this is who everyone should be upset with. No good came out of what they did.
2007-10-23 03:30:52 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, how on earth did you find out? Unless you heard it from your husband, I wouldn't put any more thought into it. People talk when they have no business talking, plus if they know the two of you were having marital problems, they are more likely to make things worse for you. For example, lets say your husband said that sometimes your mother can be overbearing. It's not wrong for him to say that, it's his opinion. Should he have kept that to himself, yes! But lets just say that he did say it out loud. Someone who is loyal to you and knows that you re having marital problems could add fuel to the fire and embellish what he said. Seriously, unless you hear it from the horses mouth, don't get too upset with him. And your family has to give him a chance too. Ganging up on him isn't going to make things better for anyone!
2007-10-23 03:07:48 · answer #3 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered that maybe what he said was out of anger and hurt feelings? If he really did say hurtful things about your family you need to first find out from him if he did. If he states that he did you then need to let him know how much his words hurt your family and ask him to apologize so that the entire family can heal and move on. You need to go back to being a family, that is the most important thing for you marriage and your daughter. Good luck.
2007-10-23 03:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by words777 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to insist that everyone sit down together. Tell them you won't take no for an answer because you want this ironed out once and for all. The child stays away from it. Tell them your husband has a right to confront his accuser, the one saying he said these things. Tell him if he really said things he shouldn't have said in anger, he needs to man up and apologize. Tell all of them you want peace in the family, there is a child involved who loves all of them, you want to give your marriage another chance, and you expect every single one of them be adult about this.
2007-10-23 07:14:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lady G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you divorce, you divorce your husband, not his family. You will be forever tied to them through your children.
In my case, my 'ex-in-laws' understood that I was not at fault. (no one is if it is just a matter of no-fault divorce) My ex mother in law still loved me, along with all the in-laws, and I too still loved them. I could not take my boys away from aunts, uncles and cousins on their dads side--that is their family by blood!
It is worth it if you can keep the divorce strickly between you and your husband.
Do not do anything that the kids, when they are grown, will remember as something you did as bad. rather, try to handle everything so that when they are grown and looking back on all this, they will say, 'gee mom, I respect you so much. You never said a bad word about dad'.
good luck hon.
2007-10-23 03:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by Rev. Deb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he did, so what. People do things when they are angry and they say stupid things. Why are you fixing this for him? If you are going to stay with him, then he either needs to make it right with your family or stay home. You need to do what you need to do, but you took him back. You might want to explore why.
2007-10-23 03:14:38 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your husband needs to apologize to the family only he can make this right or find out who said he said this but he has to fix this
2007-10-23 03:06:47 · answer #8 · answered by dreamweaver 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋