A couple of months ago, my fiance's mom helped him to get a car on the road, after he screwed up his credit years ago. She was angry with me because I refused to cosign a loan for him ( I am putting myself through school and I have financed everything else we needed in my name...I wasn't about to take out a second auto loan) She made some comments about how I am "profiting" from him, and basically made me out to be a golddigger, even though I pay 50% of our household bills, as well as my own car payment and insurance, cell bill, and credit cards without his help. She even demanded to see our budget. I was furious and haven't seen or spoken to her since.
Now, his grandparents are here from Canada and are staying with his mother. He wants to go over for dinner and a visit tonight, but I am really not ready to see his mom. I know that if she brings money up I WILL explode.
Should I try to weasel out of dinner?
2007-10-23 02:39:56 · 9 answers · asked by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, I think you should swallow your pride and go to dinner. If the devil's spawn should try to make another issue, you should calmly explain that you are not profiting from anyone because you pay your share of the bills and are putting yourself through school. If your fiance didn't have a problem with you not co-signing a loan for him, she should just shut her pie hole and mind her own business.
2007-10-23 03:04:42 · answer #1 · answered by Jayna 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Like the others, I agree. Be the bigger person and go to dinner with your fiance knowing that she is an idiot. Then kill her with kindness. Make her feel really badly for treating you the way she does by saying hi, and offering to help her (if you feel up to it), and make sure that you are on everyone elses good side so she doesn't have a leg to stand on.
How does your fiance feel about the situation between you and his mother? Maybe you can set up a signal word and a good excuse for not staying to long. Have him help you. If you start to feel uncomfortable, you can always use the pups as an excuse. For me, it's "We need to get home to take the dogs out" or "We need to get home to feed the dogs". You can even use these types of excuses in the begining, such as, "We can't stay long because..." and you can fill in the excuse. That way they know you are there to visit, but have prior obligations.
I wish you the best of luck! You can do it!
2007-10-23 03:34:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all you are not married and should not be paying for him by putting the credit under your name. If he can not keep his credit straight then he is not going to be concerned about yours. 2nd he mother did not have to co sign she could have said no. That has nothing to do with you. I would go to dinner and see his grandparents. Spend your time speaking with them, ignore his mother but be polite. Exploding in front of his grandparents will only make you look like a nut so keep your cool and control yourself. If she brings up his finances then all you have to respond is that your not his wife and do not know
what his finance are. You are in control of your own finances as you work. Tell her to take that up with her son at another time as you are there for a visit with grandma & grandpa not to go over finances.
If she loans her son money it has nothing to do with you it is between him and her.
2007-10-23 03:37:20 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's been a few weeks since that incident. I know she hurt your feelings, but try hard to let it go. Be the better person.
It's obvious from other posts that your future MIL has no tact. Best to get used to it now and be prepared with classy, quick responses that will nip anything in the bud and deter her from prying further.
Pop a klonopin, take a deep breath, and go to dinner. Be the charming woman your fiance fell in love with. MIL is never going to change -- so don't be surprised if more sh!t is spewed. Just continue to be the better person.
2007-10-23 04:19:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weasel? No, just tell him that you are not in control of your emotions right now and you prefer not to join them. Let him tell her what he wants to.
However, why are you mad at him for being in this situation? You married a man with these problems, and you set yourself up for this kind of life. I think you did the right thing by not co-signing a loan but why in the world would you allow his mother to run ramshod over you like that? You didn't do anything to screw up your credit, your husband did. I hope you didn't show her your budget because that was simply a play to snoop into your business.
My daughter was just divorced from a man she thought loved her(we all did, he fooled everyone), who basically just wanted a small inheritance she got. When it was gone, he and the new car she bought outright for him, left because she was "too controlling"(wanted him to get a job). She is young, we were all stupid, and what she said she learned from all of it was "never mingle money". You are doing the right thing, tell him to grow up and if he doesn't like to go to mommy for things he wants, then he had best do it for himself.
I wouldn't see her, and if she asks I would simply, respectfully tell her that its not your fault she didn't raise him to be responsible with money. That was her job. Good luck.
2007-10-23 08:03:23 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to dinner. You will have to at some point anyway.
You need to have a discussion about boundaries with your fiance. When his mother demanded to see your budget, he should have stood up to her. Told her that it is none of her business. My husband had to do that for a long time with his mother. Now she knows better than to pull that kind of crap. She is scared of making him mad. It has made a big difference. Whereas before I dreaded going to the in-laws, I have started to like them. That would never have happened if my MIL thought she could get up in our business or treat me any way that she liked!!
2007-10-23 03:16:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly your fiance's mom should not of been involved. He is a grown adult. Also I'm sure she is very worried about the money if she took it out of her 401K.
You shouldn't take the situation out on his grandparents. Yes, go! Also after reading some of your other post it seems you may have an issue with stepping out of line verbally.
Hmmmmm.....just wondering if this could be part of the problem.
2007-10-23 05:08:06 · answer #7 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be the bigger person and go to dinner FOR YOUR FIANCE. I do so many things for my husband NOT for his mother. If you don't go then she's won.
2007-10-23 02:58:32 · answer #8 · answered by Jellybean had her little bean 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law sure is an idiot.
You're not responsible for your fiance's finances, and never will be, even after you are married. He's an adult, and needs to get it together!
Don't let her get to you -- obviously, you can see how ignorant she is.
I wouldnt go to dinner, no.
2007-10-23 02:54:02 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋