all these years, me & my 3 bro tried to understand it's due to his work commitment that he can't spend time at home. but few years back, he & my mum divorced and after the divorce we came to know that he already had 2 daughters (aged 8 & 3) with his mistress. the divorce did not affect us much as all of us were grown up. i had my own family and kids. i don't hate my step sisters, they are innocent. but i can't forgive my father. recently my uncle (his brother) had been asking us to forgive our father. apparently his life is now in a mess, one of my younger step sis was dignosed with cancer, he's retrenched and can't find a job (due to his age, he's almost 60). me & 3 bro were unmoved. we had been getting on with our lives well, with good jobs & making decent living. my mum is getting on fairly well too. she's not working (we gave her $$) so she travels freqently with frens. we had been getting on without him. are we heartless not to let him back?
2007-10-23 02:38:50 · 7 answers · asked by worried mum 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't think it's heartless to not let someone into your life who was neevr really there. It would almost be like me asking you to let me into your life and into your family, you know?
Your father can use whatever excuse makes him feel better about not being involved in your lives, but they are only excuses....you know what I mean? If your father WANTED to be a part of your lives, he would have been. The truth is, he had no interest in you and your brothers and was busy making some kind of life with his mistress. Those were his choices.
You and your brothers chose to go on with your lives and not let your father's decisions affect who you grew up to be...productive and generous men.
You have no obligations to your father, but please do not harbor any ill feelings toward him as those feelings will only hurt you, not him. If your feelings towards him are neutral, then leave it alone and continue on with your lives. Don't wish any harm to come to your father, but don't feel bad about not allowing him to become a part of your life now if that's what you want to do. He had a chance years ago to be a father. Now that you guys are grown up, it's too late.
Of course, if you WANT him to be part of your lives, then I would sit down and hash everything out with him. Don't hold back on letting him know just what a disappointment he was and how ashamed you are by his actions. He needs to own up to his mistakes and you need to hold him responsible.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
2007-10-23 02:52:49 · answer #1 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not heartless, you have just suffered a life time of hurt. You need to let the hurt end though. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to like what he did, but it will release the resentment that you feel towards him, you can't be a completely happy person if you are carrying around resentments. You do need to forgive him, for yourself, not for him.
2007-10-23 09:45:25 · answer #2 · answered by replexgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not heartless. It's a shame his daughter is suffering with an illness, but please remember you didn't cause that.
Forgiveness is a good thing, and you can forgive your father in your hearts someday, if you can. But taking care of him isn't necessary. If you want to help or not, it's a personal choice.
Your father abandoned your mom and you kids, had an affair, and was dishonest. Sometimes we reap what we sow.
2007-10-23 09:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for you and brothers to go on with life you have to forgive ! you dont have to accept him back into youre lives but forgive him ok because if something happens to him ya'll will never get over it because you didnt forgive him and im so sorry about the child that has cancer thats sad i dont like hearing that cancer is such an ugly word and destroyer and its not bad of you to not wont him apart of youre lives he left and you did what you had to do to make it in life and yall dont need him in youre life now that its not working out for him now he wonts to come crawling back and thinking everything is ok no i wouldnt let him back into my life just tell him you forgive him but dont wont nothing to do with him ! i hope that helps out a little
2007-10-23 09:56:49 · answer #4 · answered by lil momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES! Because no matter what you do or think or feel, he is STILL you're father. Half of your genes came from him... You would not be in this world if not for him....I know it's not easy to forgive and forget but please try to... Find it in your heart...Pray so that you will find forgiveness in your heart for him...Respect your father and mother, says the Fourth of the Ten Commandments....
2007-10-23 10:47:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd forgive him -- but not lend him or give him $$. It sounds like he is an opportunist who is always looking for self-serving situations.
Forgive him to clear the slate and then agree upon special rules for how far he can integrate into your lives (for your protection).
2007-10-23 09:49:19 · answer #6 · answered by psoup 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first thought would be, No Way! But then whose to be blame? your father alryt, but he did that YEARS AGO, can't years ago be enuf tym? I would really forgive him, and anyway its for your stepsister... so gud luck
2007-10-23 11:21:51 · answer #7 · answered by faraway 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋