Can you give me some spiritual guidance, please?

Question

My dad died recently and I want to do the right thing to honor his memory, so I don't want to start a brawl over a small inheritance. On the other hand, my Dad owed me money when he died that I would like to recover.

My Dad divorced my mom when I was 12. A few years later he took up with a woman that he never married or lived with, but with whom he had a relationship for 30 years. He left no will. When he passed unexpectedly, this other woman sucked money out of his bank account to cover the hospital bills and memorial service. She disposed of his property without asking if I wanted anything.

My Dad had borrowed $6000 from me and when I asked her about that debt she got very hostile. My dad didn't own a lot and I don't want to be mercenary. But I did help my dad out financially a lot over the years, and don't see why I should be left hanging, since under state law I would be the heir to his estate. I'm feeling very conflicted about the worldly vs human toll. Your thoughts?

I don't want to be a source of conflict - I've been trying to resolve things peacefully, but I am at the point of hiring a lawyer since Dad's girlfriend is so uncooperative. I would have been happy to have her named Administrator of his estate if she had gone through the court system instead of just taking things into her own hands.

I should mention that we live in 2 different countries, so I can't just stop by and discuss this over coffee.

Answer 1

Being spiritual is not equal to being a doormat. You deserve restitution. You're going to have to be willing to be a source of conflict or suck it up and accept the loss. If it is cost effective, pursue legal action to get what you're entitled to. Tyrants, liars, and thieves must be handled for what they are. To allow them to bully, lie, and steal only teaches them to repeat their actions since they think those they've duped are too stupid to stop them.

Answer 2

Many times, when someone dies, things can not be resolved peacefully. Sadly both parties have to want it resolved in a peaceful manner and it seems that the other woman does not want this. As long as it remains peaceful, you might just have to deal with the fact you will never see this money or any of the estate again.

Hiring a lawyer is a good idea if you are willing to go through it. It will not be peaceful. It will most likely rule out to be in your favor, but it could be costly and emotionally draining and could drag on for years.

Whatever you decide, try not to hold grudges....this is not to say that you should EVER trust her again, just don't let the bad feelings engulf you. Harboring anger toward another person only harms you. I am so sorry about your dad. I can't even imagine the pain of that type of loss. I hope you can eventually come to peace with whatever decision you make.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear about your Dad. I believe first you need to make it clear that you have full rights to the estate. ( But it may depend on the law of the country that she is in). So write her and say you want to do it peacefully, and want to recover what you loaned your Dad. I hope you have some documentation to copy to back it up, which would help. Send a copy, not original.
You should mention legal recourse, and state IF necessary, and make clear your rights. I would think if she realizes that what she did was wrong (not legal) that she should be happy to comply. Since there was no marriage, or will to support her claim, she should be happy to please you, that way she would come out ahead. I believe as Christians we should stand up and not get walked on. I would proceed as I said, myself. But you have to decide. I will pray you have wisdom in this.

Answer 4

I feel your pain.

First, She had to sign a statement at the bank assuring them, that there are NO other heirs. You may be able to do something there. I think you should be compensated. HOWEVER, Having said that, Do you really feel the need to go as far as it takes to get back this money? DO you think this is what your Dad would want? The money will not bring him back. Now having said that , Hon, Sometimes it is best to cut you losses and run..

Please remember that what you (SHE) puts out, comes back. God is in control and he doesn`t take kindly to folks abusing his kids. (YOU) He can and will handle this, if, you will let him. Just ask him and ask him to make it known to you.

Peace is far better than $6000.00. You are hurting yourself with this.. It will hang on you , make you angry, bitter, mean, sad, and I again ask, is it really worth it..

I wish you the best in this. It is a complicated situation..

† Peace & God bless from Lonestar Prayer Warrior-ess †
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Answer 5

If you had to help your Dad out financially over the years there may not be any money to give back after the funeral expenses and such. You honored your Dad while he was alive by giving what you could. Ask the Lord for peace.

Answer 6

Ps. 37:21 says," The wicked one is borrowing and does not pay back, But the righteous one is showing favor and is making gifts." Your father passed before he was able to pay you back so he is not the wicked one. The other woman who disposed of his property would be the wicked one since she took something that rightfully belongs to you. You deserve to have what is owed to you. If the other woman takes what does not belong to her then she is a thief.

Answer 7

Sorry to hear about your Dad.
Unless there are common law marriages where they where; she has no legal right to his affairs.
There should have been a family member involved from the beginning.
Hire an attorney in the country he lived in and good luck to you.

Answer 8

If you and your dad didn't put the loan in writing you probably won't see any of it. Talk to a lawyer because unless she has power of attorney, she cannot be withdrawing funds from his account even if its a joint account until his "estate" is settled in the courts.

Answer 9

The Bible specifically mentions that Christians are not supposed to sue. Google :Christians and Lwsuits. (Ref: 1st Corinthians Chapter 6.)

What has happened to you is not fair. You should bring your complaint directly to God. He will take care of it for you. Do not sue this woman or take justice into your own hands. Just let it go for now. The money will come back to you. Jesus has commanded us to pray for our enemies. (Reference: Mathew 5:44)

Case History: My abusive ex-husband had a lot of money (a lot more money than I had). He sued me 14 times in 3 years. It was horrible. I didn't have funds to defend myself in court against his high priced attorneys. He managed to lower his child support payments down to pennies. He put us all into poverty and then laughed in my face. He nearly sent me into bankruptcy. And then--he took custody of the three kids because I couldn't afford to fight him. He emotionally abused them and there was nothing I could do about it. It was horrible. They used to call me crying all the time. I complained to God and cried that it wasn't fair.

1 and 1/2 years later, he gave the kids back to me because he couldn't handle them but refused to pay child support. I began to recover financially because my current (and Real) husband and I managed to start a business. The money began to roll. Now 10 years later we are doing pretty well. We were able to buy a huge ranch that I never thought we would have been able to afford. We have a big and lovely home with a swimming pool. But in the past 10 years my ex-husband has experienced nothing but bad luck. He lost everything he owned and is currently in bankruptcy. His new wife doesn't like him and has complained to me about him. Last month she told me they are just about to lose their lake front home to foreclosure.

My kids are civil to their father but they love me and identify me and their step-father as their parents.

Read Psalms 23. God will prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies. Your cup will run over. Turn the other cheek. Just wait and have patience with God's time. God will defend you if you trust him. Have faith.

I hope this story helps you. Good luck.

Answer 10

My advice would be to just let it go unless you truly need the money (in that case you should seek legal counsel). Worldly possessions aren't really worth stressing yourself over. You will eventually receive what you give, and maybe you'll receive it at a time when you need it more.