what should i do with my teenager?

Question

He attends high school, he drives, and hes now working only 30hrs /wk. but know hes failing his gpa is below 2.0. and no hes not doing drugs/he doesn't smoke. but his grades have always been low,just not that low, i thought that getting him a car to drive, and a part time job would help. well i thought wrong. He wants to be independant he wants to earn his own money. but i want him to pass his classes so he can gradute with his class. do i compromise? do i take something away? or both? HELP any suggestions?

Answer 1

working too much and not studying....thats the whole thing...school should be more important right now.

Answer 2

Let him do whatever he wants. He may soon discover why he needs school. For instance, he may find that, while good enough now, his salary is not a living wage, nor would he be happy with the money he made if he worked 40 hours a week instead of 30. Other problems such as difficult customers and supervisors, the employer's right to cut his hours and other such things may soon show him why working is so hard and it would be better if he could get a professional position. Let him want to be in the position of whoever is ordering him around and gets to sit down at a desk, if he does not (if he does, then his bosses may have other privileges).

This experience may be exactly what he needs. Then, he may become a very motivated student. Since he is already in high school, there must be a way to get his diploma or an equivalency if he can't just get by and graduate. Mind you, many students who do poorly nevertheless get a high school diploma. At his age, there is still time to get an education.

Is there any way you could do his homework? Don't do it too well or else teachers may become suspicious (or just ask him something he doesn't know and that he would have known, if the homework was his, although he should review the homework before handing it in). If any grades come from homework, and since you are the one who wants him to pass his classes, you may want to try that. If there is anything that he must memorize, he could tape that and use headphones to listen when he can't use his books but he can use headphones, even if that includes the meals he takes at home. That would save him some time.

Answer 3

Explain to him the importance of school. It's the first basic building block of life. His part-time job won't always be there, but his educational background will be (if he obtains it)!

Lets say he's working at Walmart part-time. It's called a part time job because it's just that.. PART TIME! It shouldn't be taking up his entire schedule. Also, if he leaves Walmart to go work somewhere else, what could he put on his applications?? That he worked at Walmart and has no education? They would overlook that.

Experience and independence is a great thing- but he needs to take care of priorities first. Let him know how proud you are of him, but also explain the - of his drive to be independent and earn his own money. BUT school is vital, also explain that aspect. He'll come around eventually.

Possibly make a deal with him "as long as you're passing all your classes, you can take the car to work" or "if I see an F, I will take the car away".. incentives like that would encourage him to keep his grades passable. (You could also say you have 2 weeks to bring your grades above a D and keep them there or I will take the car away). GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

There's really no excuse he's not motivated. If he puts his mind to it he can really do it. I went to a gifted school so I was attending College, High-school and working all at the same time and I still graduated in the top 20% of my class. Just try to be as encouraging as you can to him. Give him positive words and talk to him about the direction his life will go in if he doesn't finish high-school. College may not be for him but he has to close the high-school door first before he can open any more. I'm sure you were a great parent but it's really his decision how he does in school. I hope this helps!

Answer 5

Sometimes too much responsibility is just that... too much. 30hrs./wk. is still over 4 hours. That's assuming he works on the weekends.

I like to divide peoples lives into chronologically incorrect daily schedules. So, let's see how this one turns out.

8 hours sleep is scientifically proven to be needed for constant body support. -16 hours.

It takes about an hour to eat three square meals. That's if you're a quick eater like myself. -15 hours.

Before mentioned job. -9 hours.

You suggested he was in school. Let's assume this takes 6 hours each day. -3 hours.

The daily trip from place to place. -2 hours.

That leaves two hours to study, play on the computer, hang out with his friends, and all the other things teenagers like to do. You have to remember- generally kids his age aren't very good at scheduling. I just want you to think about that, and talk to your son about it as well.

Answer 6

Driving is a privilage. Draw up a contract and let him know what is expected of his grades in order to be able to drive and that if he does not meet the expectations (be real about the expectations make them achievable like a B average) then he loses his driving privilages until Either interim reports or grade cards come so you can see if there is improvement or not.
You sign it and he signs it and that way you both know what the contract states and he cant come whinning about not knowing the consequences of his actions. This will make him work harder to keep up his grades if he really wants his freedom.

Also ........ the working .... by law he can only work 4 hours a day on school days. If he is working to much and does not have time for his school work then maybe his hours need to be cut down so he has time to work on his studies.

Good Luck ............. it worked for my kid - she worked through high school and went on to college to be dentist. She realized the importance of balancing School and work.

Answer 7

If he isn't doing so well in school, then he should not have a job. He should be focusing on his studies. Or if he insists on having a job, and you think he should, try the co-op program where the student only goes to school until lunch time and then goes to work. Get him a tutor? Make sure he does his homework? Make sure he is actually going to work and not just hanging out with his friends. 30 hrs. a week is a lot for a teenager.

Answer 8

Although the job helps with adding a sense of indepence and responsiblity, it takes 30hrs a week away from studying. The car is good unless he uses it for things other than school or work. Maybe replace car/work with tutor(s).

Answer 9

I'll treat your Q, a little serious because I just came answering a ninny Q, and I went more ninny...than the Qer....serious this time, I must, be sure your, Q is serious too.

...simple but serious: Go dialogue (serious!), talk (must be 2-way)., ask Qs pertinent and squarely on the issues you've mentioned (don't be like a father, act as a close friend). is all clear? well understood by both friends?. now go back to both real positions and ranks of each person's civilized talking. Is there raised BOTH UNDERSTOOD EXISTING PROBLEMS? OR NONE AT ALL, FOR THERE WAS ONLY PURE PERCEPTIONS!!!. If agreed there is/are problems to be resolved, who must initiate the solution/s; who must act to and be responsible in personally acting to resolve and make good the results of the solutions to be acted upon. is/are solutions acceptable to both parties respectfully acting in their respective position and ranks in the open conversation or dialogue. is time table or frame part of the resolution to be acted upon by both or each party. is the time table doable or too restraining. Can compromise be arrived to make it doable and not so constraining. Is there a civilized AGREEMENT contracted and arrived. is there a need to formalize and signed. is there FIRMED COMMITMENT /s TO BOTH PARTIES. WHAT IS THE TRADES OF PUNISHMENT/S AND/OR REWARD/S SYSTEM AGREED UPON? WHEN IS THE AGREEMENT SHALL TAKE EFFECT. WHEN IS THE RECONNING OF THE INITIAL, NEXT, AND FINAL RESULTS OF TARGET GOALS, WHEN IS THE AGREEMENT MUST NEED TO BE UPDATED FOR CONTINUING PROGRESSIVE BUSINESS AND PROFESSIONAL CULMINATING END GOALS....?

the PROBLEM IS said 50% solved if clearly identified by all parties concerned, and the 50% remaining is progressively and finally solved when properly and responsively the solution is arrived though not perfect but fully supported and willingly acted upon timely and sincerely by all/he concerned as team or individually determined; the problem thus persists not be a problem any more. Its THEREFORE, just become a good experience/s that makes you or the team, feeling lighter and ready to face another more heavier and challenging self strengthening elixir of life to be more alive and dynamic. full of wisdom...to face life...again...till end. end of life's problem is DEATH.

Sorry, I can't solve your problem, its you and one involve can solve it to end. bye!

Answer 10

Well what you can do is have a few words with him, or go and see a counselor might be really needed before its too late. Because when a kid starts going away from education things usually dont return to the same track so soon.. Talk to him and see if he can take a few hours to talk to someone about it.

Answer 11

ur not the first parent who suffers from such
well u should be very strict to him, u should show him the meaning of being all by himself, and no one to depend on
show him that u are really upset and let him try to make it up to u, u have to be harsh on him, u gotta teach him a lesson,
other than this way he wont be so helpful, show him the fact that he is in, how huge is his problem and how huge will it be in the future....
i hope it worked, if does will u plz send me an email informing me the latest circumstances?!